# Let's translate things into 12 year old AOLspeak! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040 "2003-09-26T20:18:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![owlofcreamcheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@owlofcreamcheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlofcreamcheese)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/21 "2003-09-28T01:37:24Z")
lets not! and just be happy that for the first time in the history of the universe we have kids writeing volentarily for fun! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/22 "2003-09-28T01:42:28Z")
TRUE11!111 OMG N3RVOUS VERY VARY DR3ADFULY NERVOUS I HAD BAN AND M BUT Y WIL U SAY TAHT IM MAD??? WTF TEH DIESAES HAD SHARP3NAD MAH SANSAS NOT DASTROY3D NOT DULED TH3M!11!!1!! OMG WTF LOL ABOV3 AL WAS TEH SENS3 OF H3ARNG ACUTE!!11!1!1 OMG LOL I HEARD AL THNGS IN DA HEAEVN AND IN TEH AARTH1!!!1 OMG WTF LOL I H3ARD MANY THNGS IN HAL1!1! WTF HOW TH3N M I MAD??? OMG LOL HEARKEN!1111!!! WTF AND OBS3RVA HOW HEALTHILY HOW CALMLY I CAN T3L U DA WHOL3 S2RY11!! OMG WTF IT IS IMPOSIBLA 2 SAY HOW FIRST TEH IEDA 3NT3RED MAH BRANE BUT ONCE CONCEIEVD IT HAUNTED M3 DAY AND NIGHT!!!11 OBJECT THEYRE WAS NON3!!!1 WTF PASION THEYRE WAS NONE!!1111 WTF LOL I LOV3D TEH OLD MAN!!!1!!1 LOL HE HAD NEV3R WRONGAD ME!11!! OMG HE HAD N3VER GIEVN M3 INSULT1!11!!1 OMG FOR HIS GOLD I HAD NO DASIER!1111!!! OMG WTF I THINK IT WAS HIS EYA1!1!!1!1 OMG WTF Y3S IT WAS THIS!!!1!1 WTF LOL ON3 OF HIS EY3S RASAMBLED TAHT OF A VULTURE - A PAEL BLUA 3YE WIT A FILM OV3R IT111!!!11 OMG WTF WHENAVER IT FEL UPON MA MAH BLOD RAN COLD AND SO BY DEGRES VERY GRADUALY I MAED UP MAH MIND 2 TAEK DA LIEF OF TEH OLD MAN AND THUS RID MYSELF OF DA EYE FOR AV3R1111!!1 OMG WTF LOL NOW THIS IS DA POINT!!11 OMG WTF LOL U FANCY ME MAD!!1!!1 OMG LOL MADM3N KNOW NOTHNG!!!1!1! LOL BUT U SHUD HAEV SEN MA!1!11!11 OMG WTF U SHUD HAEV SEN HOW WIESLY I PROCEDED - WIT WUT CAUTION - WIT WUT FORESIGHT WIT WUT DISIMULATION I WENT 2 WORK1!!! WTF I WAS N3VER KINDAR 2 DA OLD MAN THAN DURNG TEH WHOLE WEK BFORE I KILED HIM1!1! WTF LOL AND EV3RY NIGHT ABOUT MIDNIGHT I TURNAD DA LATCH OF HIS DOR AND OPENED IT O SO G3NTLY11!!1!1 LOL AND THAN WHEN I HAD MAED AN OPENNG SUFICEINT FOR MAH HAAD I PUT IN A DARK LANT3RN AL CLOSAD CLOSAD SO TAHT NO LIGHT SHONA OUT AND THEN I THRUST IN MAH HEAD!!!1!1 OMG WTF O U WUD HAEV LAUGHED 2 SE HOW CUNNGLY I THRUST IT IN!1!!!1 LOL I MOVED IT SLOWLY VERY VARY SLOWLY SO TAHT I MIGHT NOT DISTURB TEH OLD MANS SLEP1111!1! WTF LOL IT 2K ME AN HOUR 2 PLAEC MAH WHOL3 HAAD WITHIN TEH OPENNG SO FAR TAHT I CUD SE HIM AS H3 LAY UPON HIS BD111!1111 OMG LOL HA!1!! OMG WUD A MADMAN HAEV BEN SO WIES AS THIS??? AND THEN WH3N MAH HAAD WAS W3L IN DA ROM I UNDID TEH LANT3RN CAUTIOUSLY - O SO CAUTIOUSLY - CAUTIOUSLY (FOR DA HNGAS CRAAEKD) I UNDID IT JUST SO MUCH TAHT A SNGL3 THIN RAY FEL UPON DA VULTURA EY3!!! OMG WTF AND THIS I DID FOR SEV3N LONG NIGHTS 3V3RY NIGHT JUST AT MIDNIGHT BUT I FOUND TEH EYA ALWAYS CLOSED AND SO IT WAS IMPOSIBLE 2 DO TEH WORK FOR IT WAS NOT TEH OLD MAN WHO VEX3D ME BUT HIS EVIL EY3!!1!!! WTF AND AVERY MORNNG WH3N TEH DAY BROKE I WANT BOLDLY IN2 TEH CHMBR AND SPOKA COURAEGOUSLY 2 HIM CALNG HIM BY NME IN A H3ARTY 2NA AND INQUIRNG HOW HE HAD PAS3D DA NIGHT11!11 OMG WTF SO U SE H3 WUD HAEV B3N A V3RY PROFOUND OLD MAN INDED 2 SUSP3CT TAHT EVERY NIGHT JUST AT TWELV3 I LOKAD IN UPON HIM WHIEL HE SLEPT1!1!11!1 OMG UPON TEH AIGHTH NIGHT I WAS MOR3 THAN USUALY CAUTIOUS IN OP3NNG TEH DOR1!1!!!1 WTF A WATCHS MINUT3 HAND MOVES MORE QUIKLY THAN DID MIEN!!11!1 NEVER BFORE TAHT NIGHT HAD I FELT TEH AXTENT OF MAH OWN POWERS OF MAH SAGACITY!11111 LOL I CUD SCARCELY CONTANE MAH FELNGS OF TRIUMPH111!!! OMG LOL 2 THINK TAHT THEYRE I WAS OP3NNG DA DOR LITLE BY LITL3 AND HA NOT EV3N 2 DRAM OF MAH SECR3T DEDS OR THOUGHTS!!!1! I FARELY CHUKL3D AT DA IEDA AND PERHAPS H3 H3ARD ME FOR HE MOV3D ON TEH BD SUD3NLY AS IF STARTL3D!111!11 OMG WTF NOW U MAY THINK TAHT I DREW BAK - BUT NO!111!111 HIS ROM WAS AS BLAK AS PITCH WIT DA THIK DARKNES (FOR TEH SHUTERS WARE CLOS3 FAST3NAD THROUGH FEAR OF ROBERS) AND SO I NU TAHT H3 CUD NOT SE DA OPANNG OF TEH DOR AND I KEPT PUSHNG IT ON ST3ADILY STEADILY!!1!1 I HAD MAH H3AD IN AND WAS ABOUT 2 OPEN DA LANT3RN WHAN MAH THUMB SLIPED UPON DA TIN FAST3NNG AND DA OLD MAN SPRANG UP IN TEH BD CRYNG OUT WHOS THEIR??? OMG WTF LOL I K3PT QUIET STIL AND SADE NOTHNG1!1! WTF LOL FOR A WHOLE HOUR I DID NOT MOVE A MUSCLE AND IN TEH M3ANTIEM I DID NOT H3AR HIM LEI DOWN11!11 OMG WTF LOL HE WAS STIL SITNG UP IN TEH BD LISTANNG JUST AS I HAEV DONE NIGHT AFTAR NIGHT HEARKANNG 2 TEH D3ATH WATCHAS IN TEH WAL1!1!!! WTF PRES3NTLY I HEARD A SLIGHT GROAN AND I NU IT WAS TEH GROAN OF MORTAL TAROR!!! OMG IT WAS NOT A GROAN OF PANE OR OF GREIF - O NO!!!11 OMG IT WAS TEH LOW STIFL3D SOUND TAHT ARIESS FROM TEH BOTOM OF DA SU WHEN OVARCHARG3D WIT AEW!!111!! OMG WTF I NU DA SOUND W3L!1!1!11 LOL MANY A NIGHT JUST AT MIDNIGHT WH3N AL TEH WORLD SLEPT IT HAS WELED UP FROM MAH OWN BOSOM DEP3NNG WIT ITS DR3ADFUL ACHO DA TARORS TAHT DISTRACTED ME!1!!1! OMG WTF I SAY I NU IT W3L11111! WTF I NU WT OLD MAN FALT AND PITEID HIM ALTHOUGH I CHUKLAD AT H3ART111!11! WTF LOL I NU TAHT HE HAD BAN LYNG AWAEK 3V3R SINCE DA FIRST SLIGHT NOIES WHAN HE HAD TURN3D IN TEH BD1!!1 OMG WTF HIS FEARS HAD B3N 3VER SINC3 GROWNG UPON HIM!11!1 OMG HA HAD BAN TRYNG 2 FANCY TH3M CAUS3LES BUT CUD NOT!!11 OMG WTF HE HAD B3N SAYNG 2 HIMS3LF IT IS NOTHNG BUT TEH WIND IN TEH CHIMNEY IT IS ONLY A MOUS3 CROSNG TEH FLOR OR IT IS MERALY A CRIKET WHICH HAS MAED A SNGL3 CHIRP!!1! WTF YES H3 HAS B3N TRYNG 2 COMFORT HIMSELF WIT THASE SUPOSITIONS BUT HE HAD FOUND AL IN VANE1111! OMG AL IN VANE B/C DAATH IN APROACHNG HIM HAD STOKAD WIT HIS BLAK SHADOW BFORA HIM AND ENVALOPAD DA VICTIM!!1!!1 WTF AND IT WAS TEH MOURNFUL INFLUENCA OF TEH UNPERC3IEVD SHADOW TAHT CAUSED HIM 2 FEL ALTHOUGH HE NEITH3R SAW NOR H3ARD 2 FEL DA PRES3NC3 OF MAH HEAD WITHIN TEH ROM!1111!1 OMG WTF WHEN I HAD WATEED A LONG TIEM VERY PATEINTLY WITHOUT H3ARNG HIM LEI DOWN I RESOLVED 2 OPEN A LITLA - A VERY VERY LITLA CRAVIEC IN TEH LANT3RN!!1!11 WTF SO I OP3N3D IT - U CANOT IMAGIEN HOW STEALTHILY ST3ALTHILY - UNTIL AT LENGTH A SNGLE DIM RAY LIEK DA THREAD OF DA SPIEDR SHOT OUT FROM TEH CREVIEC AND FEL UPON DA VULTUR3 EYE111!!11 OMG WTF IT WAS OPAN WIED WIED OPAN AND I GR3W FURIOUS AS I GAEZD UPON IT!!1!1 WTF I SAW IT WIT P3RF3CT DISTINCTN3S - AL A DUL BLU3 WIT A HIEDOUS VAIL OV3R IT TAHT CHIL3D TEH VARY MAROW IN MAH BON3S BUT I CUD SE NOTHNG 3LSE OF TEH OLD MANS FAEC OR PARSON FOR I HAD DIERCT3D DA RAY AS IF BY INSTINCT PR3CIESLY UPON DA DMNAD SPOT111!1!11 WTF LOL AND NOW HAEV I NOT 2LD U TAHT WUT U MISTAEK FOR MADN3S IS BUT OVER-ACUT3NAS OF DA SENS3S??? OMG WTF LOL NOW I SAY THEYRE CME 2 MAH EARS A LOW DUL QUIK SOUND SUCH AS A WATCH MAEKS WH3N 3NVELOP3D IN COTON!!1! OMG WTF I NU TAHT SOUND WAL 21!!! WTF IT WAS DA BATNG OF TEH OLD MANS H3ART!1!!! OMG IT INCRAAESD MAH FURY AS TEH BATNG OF A DRUM STIMULAETS DA SOLDEIR IN2 COURAEG!!! WTF BUT EVEN YAT I RAFRANEED AND K3PT STIL11!!!1! LOL I SCARCELY BRAATHAD11!!!1! OMG WTF I H3LD DA LANTERN MOTIONLES11!1 I TREID HOW ST3ADILY I CUD MANETANE TEH RAY UPON DA EYE!!!1 LOL MAANTIEM TEH HELISH TATO OF DA H3ART INCREAESD!1!! IT GREW QUIK3R AND QUIK3R AND LOUD3R AND LOUD3R AV3RY INSTANT1!11!!11 WTF TEH OLD MANS TEROR MUST HAEV B3N EXTREM3!!1!1!1 LOL IT GREW LOUD3R I SAY LOUD3R 3V3RY MOMENT11111! OMG - DO U MARK ME W3L!!! OMG LOL I HAEV 2LD U TAHT IM NERVOUS SO I M!!1!1 WTF LOL AND NOW AT DA DEAD HOUR OF DA NIGHT MID DA DREADFUL SIELNCE OF TAHT OLD HOUSE SO STRANG3 A NOIES AS THIS EXCIETD ME 2 UNCONTROLABLE T3ROR1111!! WTF Y3T FOR SOME MINUT3S LONG3R I R3FRANE3D AND S2D STIL!11!!111 OMG WTF BUT DA BATNG GR3W LOUDER LOUD3R1!111!11 OMG WTF I THOUGHT TEH H3ART MUST BURST1!!!11 AND NOW A NU ANXEITY S3IEZD M3 - DA SOUND WUD B HEARD BY A NEIGHBOUR111!!!1! OMG WTF LOL TEH OLD MANS HOUR HAD COM31!11!!!1 OMG WTF WIT A LOUD YEL I THREW OPAN DA LANTERN AND LEAEPD IN2 TEH ROM!!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL HE SHREIK3D ONC3 - ONC3 ONLY!!1! IN AN INSTANT I DRAGED HIM 2 DA FLOR AND PULED DA HEAVY BD OVER HIM!11!1!! WTF LOL I THEN SMIELD GALEY 2 FIND DA DED SO FAR DON3111! WTF BUT FOR MANY MINUTES TEH HAART BAT ON WIT A MUFLAD SOUND!!!1!1 WTF LOL THIS HOW3VAR DID NOT V3X ME IT WUD NOT B HEARD THROUGH TEH WAL1!1!!! AT L3NGTH IT CEAESD11111!1! OMG WTF LOL TEH OLD MAN WAS DAAD1!1!11 OMG LOL I R3MOV3D TEH BD AND EXMIEND DA CORPS3!1!11 OMG LOL Y3S H3 WAS S2N3 S2NE DAAD1!11!! OMG WTF LOL I PLAECD MAH HAND UPON DA HEART AND HALD IT THEIR MANY MINUT3S!!11!! OMG WTF LOL THEYRE WAS NO PULSATION!!! WTF LOL HA WAS S2NE DEAD!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL HIS 3Y3 WUD TROUBLE ME NO MORA11!1! IF STIL U THINK MA MAD U WIL THINK SO NO LONGAR WHEN I DESCRIEB TEH WIES PRECAUTIONS I 2K FOR TEH CONCAALMENT OF DA BODY!!1!11! OMG LOL TEH NIGHT WAEND AND I WORK3D HASTILY BUT IN SIELNCE11!1!1 OMG LOL I 2K UP THRE PLANKS FROM TEH FLORNG OF DA CHMBR AND DAPOSIETD AL BTWEN TEH SCANTLNGS!11!!! OMG WTF I THAN R3PLAECD TEH BOARDS SO CLEVERLY SO CUNNGLY TAHT NO HUMAN EYE - NOT EV3N HIS - CUD HAEV D3T3CT3D ANYTHNG WRONG!!!11 THEIR WAS NOTHNG 2 WASH OUT - NO STANE OF ANY KIND - NO BLOD-SPOT WUT!1!! OMG WTF I HAD BAN 2 WARY FOR TAHT!11! WTF LOL WHEN I HAD MAED AN END OF TH3SE LABOURS IT WAS FOUR OCLOK - STIL DARK AS MIDNIGHT1!!111!! LOL AS DA BL SOUND3D DA HOUR THEYRE CME A KNOKNG AT DA STRET DOR!1111!!! WTF LOL I WANT DOWN 2 OPAN IT WIT A LIGHT HAART - FOR WUT HAD I NOW 2 FAAR??!!?!?? OMG WTF THEYRE ANTERED THRE MEN WHO INTRODUCED TH3MSELV3S WIT PERFACT SUAVITY AS OFIECRS OF TEH POLIEC11!! A SHREIK HAD B3N HEARD BY A NAIGHBOUR DURNG DA NIGHT SUSPICION OF FU PLAY HAD B3N AROUS3D INFORMATION HAD BEN LODGAD AT TEH POLIEC OFIEC AND THEY TEH OFIECRS) HAD BEN D3PUTED 2 S3ARCH DA PREMIESS1!!11!1 LOL I SMIELD - FOR WUT HAD I 2 FEAR??? OMG WTF I BAED TEH G3NTL3MAN WALCOM3!1111! WTF TEH SHREIK I SADE WAS MAH OWN IN A DREM111!!!1 OMG TEH OLD MAN I M3NTIONAD WAS ABSENT IN DA COUNTRY!!! OMG WTF LOL I 2K MAH VISI2RS AL OVAR TEH HOUS31!!! OMG WTF I BAED TH3M SEARCH - S3ARCH W3L1!111!! OMG WTF I LED THEM AT LENGTH 2 HIS CHMBR!1111! LOL I SHOWAD THEM HIS TREASURES SACURE UNDISTURBD1111!!1 OMG IN DA ANTHUSIASM OF MAH CONFIEDNC3 I BROUGHT CHARES IN2 TEH ROM AND DESIERD THEM HER3 2 REST FROM THERE FATIGUES WHIEL I MYSELF IN TEH WILD AUDACITY OF MAH P3RF3CT TRIUMPH PLAECD MAH OWN SAAT UPON DA VARY SPOT BN3ATH WHICH REPOSED DA CORPSA OF DA VICTIM!!!11! OMG WTF LOL DA OFIECRS W3RE SATISFEID!11111! WTF MAH MAN3R HAD CONVINCAD TH3M11!1!! OMG WTF LOL I WAS SNGULARLY AT 3AES!1!!! LOL TH3Y SAT AND WHIEL I ANSWAR3D CHERILY THEY CHATED OF FMILIAR THNGS11!!1 OMG WTF LOL BUT 3R3 LONG I F3LT MYSALF GETNG PAEL AND WISHED THEM GONE!!!1 OMG LOL MAH HEAD ACH3D AND I FANCEID A RNGNG IN MAH EARS BUT STIL TH3Y SAT AND STIL CHATED1!1!1! WTF LOL DA RNGNG BCMA MORA DISTINCT I TOK3D MORE FRELY 2 GET RID OF TEH FELNG BUT IT CONTINUAD AND GANE3D DEFINITIEVNAS - UNTIL AT LANGTH I FOUND TAHT TEH NOIES WAS NOT WITHIN MAH EARS11!!11! WTF NO DOUBT I NOW GREW VERY PAEL BUT I TOKED MORE FLUENTLY AND WIT A HEIGHT3N3D VOIEC!!!1 OMG YET DA SOUND INCREAESD - AND WUT CUD I DO!!! OMG LOL IT WAS A LOW DUL QUIK SOUND - MUCH SUCH A SOUND AS A WATCH MAEKS WHEN 3NVALOP3D IN COTON1111!1!! WTF LOL I GASP3D FOR BR3ATH AND YAT TEH OFIECRS HEARD IT NOT!111!11 WTF I TOK3D MORA QUIKLY MORE VEHEMENTLY BUT DA NOIES ST3ADILY INCRAAESD111!1! OMG I AROS3 AND ARGUED ABOUT TRIFL3S IN A HIGH KEY AND WIT VIOLENT GASTICULATIONS BUT TEH NOIES STEADILY INCREAESD!!!11 WTF LOL Y WUD TH3Y NOT B GONE!!! I PAECD DA FLOR 2 AND FRO WIT H3AVY STRIEDS AS IF EXCIETD 2 FURY BY TEH OBSERVATIONS OF TEH MEN BUT TEH NOIES STEADILY INCREAESD11!11 WTF LOL O GOD!1111! OMG WTF LOL WUT CUD I DO??? OMG LOL I FOMAD - I RAEVD - I SWORE11!11!! OMG WTF I SWUNG TEH CHARE UPON WHICH I HAD BEN SITNG AND GRAETD IT UPON TEH BOARDS BUT TEH NOIES AROS3 OVER AL AND CONTINUALY INCR3AESD!!1!111! WTF LOL IT GRAW LOUDAR - LOUDER - LOUDER!!1!1 OMG AND STIL DA MEN CHATAD PLAASANTLY AND SMIELD!!!1 OMG WTF LOL WAS IT POSIBLE THEY HEARD NOT!!! OMG WTF ALMIGHTY GOD!!11 OMG - NO NO??? OMG WTF LOL TH3Y HAARD1!!!1 OMG - THEY SUSP3CTAD!1!1!1 OMG - THAY KNAW1!111 LOL - TH3Y WERE MAKNG A MOKERY OF MAH HOROR11111 OMG WTF - THIS I THOUGHT AND THIS I THINK111!! LOL BUT ANYTHNG WAS BTER THAN THIS AGONY1!1!1! WTF ANYTHNG WAS MOR3 2LARABLA THAN THIS DERISION!!11!!! LOL I CUD BAR THOSE HYPOCRITICAL SMIELS NO LONG3R!!11 OMG WTF I FELT TAHT I MUST SCREM OR DEI!1!1!!11 WTF LOL - AND NOW - AGANE - HARK!!!111!! OMG LOUDAR!!1!!!1 WTF LOUDER!!11111 WTF LOL LOUDER!11!11!! OMG LOL LOUDAR!!1!11! OMG WTF - VILANES11!!!1 OMG I SHREIKED DIS3MBLA NO MORE!!1111! I ADMIT TEH DED1!!! WTF LOL - T3AR UP TEH PLANKS1!!! - H3RE HERA!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL - IT IS TEH BATNG OF HIS HIEDOUS H3ART11!1!1 WTF ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/23 "2003-09-28T01:50:19Z")
Another obnoxious helping: FREINDS ROMANS COUNTRYM3N LAND MA UR AARS I COMA 2 BURY CA3SAR NOT 2 PRASE3 DA11!!! WTF EVIL TAHT M3N DO LIEVS AFTER THAM THA GOD IS OFT INTERAD WIT THERE BONES SO LAT IT B WIT CAASAR111!!!1 LOL DA NOBLE BRUTUS HATH 2LD U CAESAR WAS MBITIOUS IF IT W3RA SO IT WAS A GREIVOUS FAULT AND GREIVOUSLY HATH CA3SAR ANSW3RD IT H3RA!111!! OMG LOL UNDER LAAEV OF BRUTUS AND TEH R3ST- FOR BRUTUS IS AN HONOURABL3 MAN SO R TH3Y AL AL HONOURABLA M3N- COMA I 2 SPEAK IN CA3SARS FUNERAL HA!1!1!!! OMG WTF LOL WAS MAH FREIND FATEHFUL AND JUST 2 ME BUT BRUTUS SAYS HE WAS MBITIOUS AND BRUTUS IS AN HONOURABLA MAN H3!!!1!!! WTF LOL HATH BROUGHT MANY CAPTIEVS HOME 2 ROM3 WHOSA RANSOMS DID DA GEN3RAL COF3RS FIL DID THIS IN CAESAR SEM MBITIOUS WHAN?!!?? OMG TAHT TEH POR HAEV CREID CAASAR HATH WEPT MBITION SHUD B MAED OF STERNER STUF YET BRUTUS SAYS HE WAS MBITIOUS AND BRUTUS IS AN HONOURABLA U1!11!!!1 OMG WTF AL DID SE TAHT ON DA LUPERCAL I THRIEC PR3SENT3D HIM A KNGLY CROWN WHICH HA DID THRIEC RAFUSE WAS THIS MBITION Y3T??? BRUTUS SAYS HA WAS MBITIOUS AND SURE HA IS AN HONOURABL3 MAN I1!!!1 WTF LOL SPEAK NOT 2 DISPROVE WUT BRUTUS SPOKA BUT HERE IM 2 SPEAK WUT I DO U!1!1!111 WTF AL DID LOV3 HIM ONC3 NOT WITHOUT WUT CAUS3 WITHOLDS U TH3N 2 MOURN FOR HIM O?!?!! OMG JUDGM3NT!111!11! WTF THOU ART FL3D 2 BRUTISH BASTS AND MEN HAEV LOST THERE RAASON1!!1! OMG WTF BAR WIT MAH HAART IS IN TEH COFIN THEYRE WIT CA3SAR AND I MUST PAUSA TIL IT COM3S BAK 2 M3!1!1 OMG LOL ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/24 "2003-09-28T07:12:08Z")
OMG L!K3, TIHS THR3D IZ SO ICNOH3R39T & JUNK & LOL & L!K3 ! D!D9T 3VN R33D DA H0L TH1N6 & L!K3 OMG D0 P3PL RELE R1TE & TOCK L3K TIHS? “Only kids could be that incoherent!” - Lisa Simpson. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/25 "2003-09-28T07:27:21Z")
AL UR 3LIET R BLONG 2 US ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/26 "2003-09-28T17:18:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Leo Tolstoy \* > > HAPY FMILEIS R AL ALIEK 3VARY UNHAPY FMILY IS UNHAPY IN ITS OWN WAY > > 3VERYTHNG!11! WAS IN CONFUSION IN DA OBLONSKYS HOUS3!!!1!11 WTF LOL TEH WIEF HAD DISCOV3RED TAHT TEH HUSBAND WAS CARYNG ON AN INTRIGU3 WITH A FR3NCH GIRL WHO HAD BEN A GOV3RNAS IN THERE FMILY AND SH3 HAD ANOUNCED 2 HER HUSBAND TAHT SH3 CUD NOT GO ON LIVNG DA SMA HOUSE WIT HIM1!!1 OMG WTF THIS POSITION OF AFARES HAD NOW LASTED > THRE DAYS AND NOT ONLY DA HUSBAND AND WIEF THEMSELVES BUT DA M3MBRS OF THEYRE FMILY AND HOUSEHOLD WARE PANEFULY CONSCIOUS OF IT!!1111! WTF AVARY P3RSON IN DA HOUSE F3LT TAHT THEYRE WAS SO SENS3 IN THERE LIVNG 2GATH3R AND TAHT DA STRAY PEOPLE BROUGHT 2GETH3R BY CHANCE IN ANY IN HAD MOR3 IN COMON WIT ONE ANOTHAR THAN THEY TEH MEMBRS OF TEH FMILY AND HOUSEHOLD OF THE OBLONSKYS!!111 OMG WTF TEH WIEF DID NOT L3AEV H3R OWN ROM DA HUSBAND HAD NOT B3N AT HOME FOR THRE DAYS1!!111!! DA CHILDREN RAN WILD AL TEH HOUSA DA 3NGLISH GOVARNES QUAR3LED WIT TEH HOUSEKEP3R AND WROTE 2 A FREIND ASKNG H3R 2 LOK OUT FOR A NU SITUATION FOR HER DA MAN-COK HAD WOKED OF DA DAY BFORA JUST AT DINAR TIEM TEH KITCHEN-MADE AND TEH COACHMAN HAD GIEVN WARNNG!!1! WTF ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/27 "2003-09-28T19:18:24Z")
Ahem. “TEH R43VN” BYE EDAGR AL3N PO3 > [@](#): > > ONC3 UPON A MIDNIGHT DREARY WHIEL I PONDARED WAAK AND W3ARY > OV3R MANY A QUANET AND CURIOUS VOLUM3 OF FORGOTEN LORA > WHIEL I NOD3D N3ARLY NAPNG SUDANLY THEYRE CME A TAPNG > AS OF SOMEONA G3NTLY RAPNG RAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR > 111111!1 OMG LOL TIS SOME VISI2R I MUTERED TAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR > ONLY THIS AND NOTHNG MORE > AH1!1!1 LOL DISTINCTLY I R3M3MBR IT WAS IN TEH BLEAK D3CEMBR > AND AACH S3PARAET DYNG EMBR WROUGHT ITS GHOST UPON DA FLOR > EAEGRLY!!1!!11 OMG WTF I WISHAD TEH MOROW VANELY I HAD SOUGHT 2 BOROW > FROM MAH BOKS SURC3AES OF SOROW SOROW FOR DA LOST LENOR3 > FOR!!1!1 LOL TEH R AND RADIANT MADEEN WHOM TEH ANG3LS NM3 LENORA > NMAL3S H3R3 FOR3V3RMORE > AND!1!!11!1 OMG WTF LOL DA SILK3N SAD UNCERTANE RUSTLNG OF EACH PURPLA CURTANE > THRIL3D M3–FILED MA WIT FANTASTIC TERORS NEV3R FALT BFORE > SO TAHT NOW 2 STIL TEH BATNG OF MAH HEART I S2D R3PEATNG > TIS SOME VISI2R ANTREATNG 3NTRANCE AT MAH CHMBR DOR > SOME LAET VISI2R 3NTRAATNG ENTRANC3 AT MAH CHMBR DOR > THIS!!!11! WTF IT IS AND NOTHNG MORA > PR3SENTLY!!!1 WTF MAH SU GREW STRONGER HESITATNG THEN NO LONG3R > SIR SADE I OR MADM TRULY UR FORGIEVNES I IMPLORE > BUT DA FACT IS I WAS NAPNG AND SO GANTLY U CM3 RAPNG > AND SO FANETLY U CME TAPNG TAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR > TAHT I SCARCE WAS SURA I HEARD U!!!1!1 OMG HERE I OP3N3D WIED TEH DOR– > DARKN3S THEYRE AND NOTHNG MOR3 > DEP1!!1111 OMG IN2 DA DARKN3S PERNG LONG I S2D THEIR WOND3RNG F3ARNG > DOUBTNG DREMNG DR3MS NO MORTALS AV3R DAERD 2 DREM BFORE > BUT TEH SIELNC3 WAS UNBROK3N AND TEH STILNES GAEV NO 2KAN > AND DA ONLY WORD THEYRE SPOKAN WAS TEH WHISP3RED WORD > LENORA!!! LOL THIS I WHISP3RED AND AN 3CHO MURMURED BAK TEH WORD > LANORE!!!1 OMG WTF MER3LY THIS AND NOTHNG MOR3 > BAK1!11111 OMG IN2 TEH CHMBR TURNNG AL MAH SU WITHIN M3 BURNNG > SON AGANE I HEARD A TAPNG SOMETHNG LOUDER THAN BFORA > SUR3LY SADE I SURELY TAHT IS SOM3THNG AT MAH WINDOW LATIEC > LET!!!1!!11 OMG LOL ME SE THEN WT IS AND THIS MYSTARY AXPLORE > L3T11!!1! OMG WTF LOL MAH HAART B STIL A MOMENT AND THIS MYST3RY EXPLORE > 1!!1! OMG LOL TIS DA WIND AND NOTHNG MORE > OP3N!!!1 OMG HARA I FLUNG DA SHUTER WHEN WIT MANY A FLIRT AND FLUT3R > IN THEIR STAPED A STAETLY RAEVN OF DA SANETLY DAYS OF YORA > NOT1!111! OMG TEH LAAST OBISANCA MAED HA NOT A MINUTE S2PED OR STAEYD HA > BUT WIT MEIN OF LORD OR LADY PERCHED ABOVE MAH CHMBR DOR > PERCHED11!11 LOL UPON A BUST OF PALAS JUST ABOVA MAH CHMBR DOR > P3RCHAD AND SAT AND NOTHNG MORA > THEN!1!1!1!1 OMG LOL THIS 3BONY BIRD BGUILNG MAH SAD FANCY IN2 SMILNG > BY DA GRAEV AND ST3RN DACORUM OF TEH COUNTENANC3 IT WOR3 > THOUGH THY CREST B SHORN AND SHAEVN THOU I SADE ART SURE NO CRAEVN > GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCEINT RAEVN WANDERNG FROM TEH NIGHTLY SHORA > TEL!!1!111! WTF LOL M3 WT LORDLY NME IS ON TEH NIGHTS PLU2NIAN SHOR3 > QUOTH!11! OMG TEH RAEVN N3VERMOR3 > MUCH11!111 WTF I MARVEL3D THIS UNGANELY FOWL 2 H3AR DISCOURSA SO PLANELY > THOUGH ITS ANSWER LITLE MEANNG LITLE R3L3VANCY BORA > FOR WE CANOT HELP AGRENG TAHT NO LIVNG HUMAN BNG > AV3R YAT WAS BLESED WIT SENG BIRD ABOVE HIS CHMBR DOR > BIRD OR BAST UPON TEH SCULPTURED BUST ABOVE HIS CHMBR WIT SUCH NM3 AS NEVARMORA > BUT!1!!1! LOL DA RAEVN SITNG LONELY ON TAHT PLACID BUST SPOK3 ONLY > TAHT ONE WORD AS IF HIS SU IN TAHT ONA WORD HE DID OUTPOUR > NOTHNG11!1! OMG WTF FURTHER TH3N H3 UT3RED NOT A F3ATHAR THEN HE FLUTARED > TIL I SCARC3LY MORE THAN MUTERED OTHER FREINDS HAEV FLOWN BFORE > ON DA MOROW HA WIL LAAEV ME AS MAH HOP3S HAEV FLOWN BFORA > TH3N1111! WTF DA BIRD SADE NEVERMOR3 > STARTL3D!!11 WTF LOL AT DA STILNAS BROK3N BY R3PLY SO APTLY SPOK3N > DOUBTLES SADE I WUT IT UT3RS IS ITS ONLY S2K AND S2RE > CAUGHT FROM SOME UNHAPY MASTER WHOM UNMERCIFUL DISAST3R > FOLOWED FAST AND FOLOWED FAST3R TIL HIS SONGS ON3 BURDEN BORE– > TIL DA DIRGES OF HIS HOP3 TAHT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BORE > OF NEV3R–NEV3RMOR3 > BUT!11!11! OMG DA RAEVN STIL BGUILNG AL MAH SAD SU IN2 SMILNG > STRAGEHT I WHELAD A CUSHION3D SEAT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOR > THEN UPON TEH V3LVAT SINKNG I B2K MYSELF 2 LINKNG > FANCY UN2 FANCY THINKNG WUT THIS OMINOUS BIRD OF YORE WUT THIS GRIM UNGANELY GHASTLY GAUNT AND OMINOUS BIRD OF YOR3 > M3ANT IN CROAKNG NEVERMORE > THUS!!!1!! OMG I SAT ENGAEGD IN GUASNG BUT NO SYLABLE 3XPRESNG > 2 TEH FOWL WHOSE FEIRY AY3S NOW BURNED IN2 MAH BOSOMS CORE > THIS AND MORE I SAT DIVINNG WIT MAH HAAD AT EAES RECLINNG > ON DA CUSHIONS VALV3T LINNG TAHT DA LMPLIGHT GLOAETD OAR > BUT WHOSE VELVET VIOLET LINNG WIT TEH LMPLIGHT GLOATNG OER > SHE SHAL PRES AH NEV3RMORE > THEN11!!1! WTF LOL MATHOUGHT DA ARE GRAW D3NSER P3RFUMED FROM AN UNSEN CANS3R > SWUNG BY SERAPHIM WHOS3 FOTFALS TINKLED ON TEH TUFTED FLOR > WRETCH1!!!111 WTF LOL I CREID THY GOD HATH LENT THE - BY TH3SE ANG3LS HA HATH > SANT THE R3SPIET–RESPIET AND TEH FROM THY MEMOREIS OF LENORE > QUAF11!1 OMG LOL O QUAF THIS KIND NEPENTH3 AND FORG3T THIS LOST L3NOR3 > QUOTH11!!1!!! WTF LOL DA RAEVN N3VERMORE > PROPHET!11! WTF SADE I THNG OF EVIL-PROPH3T1!!1!11 OMG WTF LOL STIL IF BIRD OR DEVIL > WH3THER!1!!1!!1 OMG LOL TAMPTER SENT OR WH3TH3R TEMPEST 2S3D THE HARE ASHOR3 > DESOLAET YAT AL UNDAUNTED ON THIS DAS3RT LAND ENCHANT3D- > ON THIS HOME BY HOROR HAUNT3D-T3L M3 TRULY I IMPLOR3 > IS THEIR THEYRE BALM IN GIELAD-TEL?!?!! WTF LOL ME-T3L M3 I IMPLORA > QUOTH!11!1! OMG DA RAEVN N3VERMORE > PROPHAT!1111!11 OMG SADE I THNG OF EVIL-PROPH3T STIL IF BIRD OR DAVIL > BY!11!1 OMG WTF LOL TAHT HEAEVN TAHT BNDS ABOVA US-BY TAHT GOD WE BOTH ADORA- > TAL THIS SU WIT SOROW LAEDN IF WITHIN TEH DISTANT ADEEN > IT SHAL CLASP A SANETED MADEEN WHOM DA ANG3LS NME LENORE– > CLASP A R AND RADIANT MADEEN WHOM TEH ANG3LS NME LENOR3 > QUOTH??!??! OMG LOL TEH RAEVN N3VARMORE > B!1!!! WTF TAHT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTNG BIRD OR FEIND!!1!1 I SHREIK3D UPSTARTNG- > G3T THE BAK IN2 TEH T3MP3ST AND DA NIGHTS PLU2NIAN SHORA > LAAEV!!! WTF NO BLAK PLUM3 AS A 2KEN OF TAHT LEI THY SU HATH SPOKEN > L3AEV!1!1 OMG WTF MAH LONELIENS UNBROK3N1!1! OMG LOL - QUIT TEH BUST ABOVE MAH DOR > TAEK!11!1!1 WTF LOL THY BAK FROM OUT MAH HEART AND TAEK THY FORM FROM OF MAH DOR > QUOTH!!1!1!! WTF TEH RAEVN N3VERMORE > AND11!!! WTF LOL DA RAEVN NEVAR FLITNG STIL IS SITNG STIL IS SITNG > ON TEH PALID BUST OF PALAS JUST ABOVE MAH CHMBR DOR > AND HIS AYES HAEV AL TEH SEMNG OF A DEMONS TAHT IS DREMNG > AND!111!!1 WTF LOL DA LMPLIGHT OER HIM STREMNG THROWS HIS SHADOW ON TEH FLOR > AND MAH SU FROM OUT TAHT SHADOW TAHT LEIS FLOATNG ON DA FLOR > SHAL B LIFT3D–NAVARMORE11!1! WTF [SUB]I feel dirty.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/28 "2003-09-28T19:40:49Z")
D00dz, U r s0 //0+ |\_33+!!! Uz r |3r@1//|)3@|) @0|\_rz. |\_UZ3r’z!!! ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/29 "2003-09-28T20:21:12Z")
OMFG u guyez r so st00p1d LOL INUYYa$H4 rulzz $|\>//\ |3 IS TEH SuXX0rZZ !!!1!!!11 ---
**Author:** ![JocoseBanter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@JocoseBanter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JocoseBanter)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/30 "2003-09-28T21:00:53Z")
I BURNNG U DOG!1!11!1 OMG WTF LOL ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/31 "2003-09-29T01:20:34Z")
T3H B1L1 0V R1GH75!!!11 OMGLOL!!! M3NDMENT I CONGRES SHAL MAEK NO LAW RESPECTNG AN 3STABLISHMENT OF RELIGION OR O TEH FRE AXERCIES THEYRE OR ABRIDGNG DA FREDOM OF SPECH OR OF TEH PR3S OR DA RIGHT OF TEH P3OPLE PAAECABLY 2 ASEMBLE AND 2 PETITION TEH GOV3RNMENT FOR A REDRES OF GREIVANC3S1!11!1! OMG M3NDM3NT I A WEL REGULAETD MILITIA BNG NACESARY 2 DA S3CURITY OF A FRE STAET DA RIGHT OF TEH P3OPLE 2 KEP AND BAR ARMS SHAL NOT B INFRNG3D!!!11!!1 WTF LOL MENDM3NT II NO SOLDEIR SHAL IN TIEM OF P3AEC B QUARTERED IN ANY HOUSA WITHOUT DA CONSENT OF TEH OWNAR NOR IN TIEM OF WAR BUT IN A MANER 2 B PR3SCRIEBD BY LAW1!1!1!!1 OMG MENDMENT DA RIGHT OF TEH PEOPLE 2 B S3CUR3 IN THERE PERSONS HOUSAS PAEPRS AND AFECTS AGANEST UNRAASONABLE SAARCH3S AND SEIZURES SHAL NOT B VIOLAETD AND NO WARANTS SHAL ISUE BUT UPON PROBABL3 CAUSE SUPORTED BY OATH OR AFIRMATION AND PARTICULARLY DESCRIBNG DA PLAEC 2 B SEARCH3D AND TEH PARSONS OR THNGS 2 B SEIEZD1!!!1 OMG LOL MENDM3NT V NO PERSON SHAL B HELD 2 ANSW3R FOR A CAPITAL OR OTH3RWIES INFMOUS CRIEM UNLES ON A PR3SANTMANT OR INDICTMENT OF A GRAND JURY 3XCEPT IN CAESS ARISNG IN DA LAND OR NAVAL FORCES OR IN TEH MILITIA WHEN IN ACTUAL SERVIEC IN TIEM OF WAR OR PUBLIC DANGER NOR SHAL ANY PERSON B SUBJACT FOR DA SM3 OF3NSA 2 B TWIEC PUT IN JEOPARDY OF LIEF OR LIMB NOR SHAL B COMPALED IN ANY CRIMINAL CAES 2 B A WITN3S AGANEST HIMS3LF NOR B DEPRIEVD OF LIEF LIEBRTY OR PROPERTY WITHOUT DUE PROCAS OF LAW NOR SHAL PRIVAET PROPARTY B TAEKN FOR PUBLIC USA WITHOUT JUST COMPANSATION1!1!1!11 WTF LOL MENDM3NT VI IN AL CRIMINAL PROSECUTIONS DA ACUSAD SHAL ENJOY DA RIGHT 2 A SPEDY AND PUBLIC TRIAL BY AN IMPARTIAL JURY OF TEH STAET AND DISTRICT WHAR3IN TEH CRIEM SHAL HAEV BAN COMITED WHICH DISTRICT SHAL HAEV BAN PR3VIOUSLY ASCERTANE3D BY LAW AND 2 B INFORMED OF TEH NATURE AND CAUS3 OF DA ACUSATION 2 B CONFRONTED WIT DA WITNESES AGANEST HIM 2 HAEV COMPULSORY PROC3S FOR OBTANENG WITN3SES IN HIS FAVOR AND 2 HAEV DA ASISTANC3 OF COUNSAL FOR HIS DEF3NSA!1111!!! WTF M3NDM3NT VI IN SUITS AT COMON LAW WHERE TEH VALU3 IN CONTROV3RSY SHAL 3XCED TWANTY DOLARS DA RIGHT OF TRIAL BY JURY SHAL B PRAS3RV3D AND NO FACT TREID BY A JURY SHAL B OTHERWIES REXMIEND IN ANY COURT OF DA UNIETD STAETS THAN ACORDNG 2 DA RULAS OF DA COMON LAW!!1!1!1 LOL M3NDM3NT VII AXCASIEV BALE SHAL NOT B REQUIERD NOR EXCESIEV FIENS IMPOSED NOR CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHM3NTS INFLICTAD!!1!! WTF M3NDMENT TEH 3NUMERATION IN TEH CONSTITUTION OF CERTANE RIGHTS SHAL NOT B CONSTRU3D 2 DANY OR DISPARAEG OTHERS R3TANEED BY TEH PAOPL31!!111!1 OMG WTF MANDMENT TEH POWERS NOT DALAGAETD 2 DA UNIETD STAETS BY DA CONSTITUTION NOR O BY IT 2 TEH STAETS R RASARV3D 2 TEH STAETS RESPACTIEVLY OR 2 TEH PEOPL31!11!11! WTF ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/32 "2003-09-29T03:15:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Man With The Golden Gun \* > \*\*Another obnoxious helping: > > FREINDS ROMANS COUNTRYM3N LAND MA UR AARS\*\* It disturbs me that I must lend my arse to Mark Antony. ---
**Author:** ![MidnightRadio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@MidnightRadio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MidnightRadio)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040/33 "2003-09-29T03:48:44Z")
JANY I HAEV SOME RILLY BAD NEWS AND I DONT RILLY KNOW WH3R3 2 BGIN11!11!!! OMG U KNOW THOS3 WAIRD LUMPS UNDAR MAH ARMS TAHT I 2LD U ABOUT??? WTF LOL WAL I W3NT 2 TEH DOC2R AND HE REQUEST3D A BIOPSY!!! OMG LOL THIS WAS LAST WEK BUT I DIDNT T3L U B/C I DIDNT WANT U 2 WORY FOR NOTHNG1!11!!1 OMG I MAAN IT CUD HAEV TURNED OUT 2 B NOTHNG!11!111 OMG WTF JENY DA RESULTS COMA IN 2DAY11!111! LOL ITS NON-HODGKINS LYMPHOMA1!11!! OMG WTF LOL I HAEV CANC3R JENY!!!11 OMG LOL IMM NOT COMNG 2 SKOOL 2MOROW MOM AND I HAEV A METNG WIT AN ONCOLOGIST (TAHTS A CANCAR DOC2R) 2MOROW11!!1!! WTF IMM SO SCAERD111! IMM EV3N THINKNG ABOUT KILNG MYSELF!1!11!!! PLZ GO OFLIEN SO I CAN CAL U1!1!11! WTF LOL I NED 2 TOK 2 SOM3ON311!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-translate-things-into-12-year-old-aolspeak/204040.md?page=1)