# Let's try and influence the Google Adds **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130 "2005-09-23T21:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/161 "2005-09-29T03:04:27Z")
Goats may go to hell, but sheep have to go to heaven. I hear the music there is pretty lame. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/162 "2005-09-29T03:18:20Z")
> [@stochastic](#): > > That would be called a “queaf”, right? Queaf, queaf, queaf. That’s almost an onomatopoeia, but not quite. Hmmm…I wonder if we’ll get ads for remote-controlled queaf machines now? It’s interesting that, in Des Moines, the beavers fart. I hear the Sheboygan variety are the queafers. And that’s what they call them: The queafing beavers of Sheboygan. Not Des Moines. Those are the farting beavers. Sheboygan. Where the beavers queaf, but not where the beavers fart. But they’re all, essentially, beavers. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/163 "2005-09-29T03:28:17Z")
Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, Edison, Woodbridge, Dover, Hamilton, Trenton, Camden Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, Edison, Woodbridge, Dover, Hamilton, Trenton, Camden Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, Edison, Woodbridge, Dover, Hamilton, Trenton, Camden Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, Edison, Woodbridge, Dover, Hamilton, Trenton, Camden Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, Edison, Woodbridge, Dover, Hamilton, Trenton, Camden ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/164 "2005-09-29T03:29:39Z")
Oh dear, it appears that New Jersey cities overwhelm the Google ads. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/165 "2005-09-29T04:55:01Z")
Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/166 "2005-09-29T06:17:30Z")
Damn badgerphobic Google spider: probably likes killing badgers. OK, Mr Googly, you got some dachshunds to hunt them badgers for me? Dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds, dachshunds. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/167 "2005-09-29T06:26:09Z")
Did I mention dachshunds yet? Dachshunds were originally bred to hunt badgers: that’s why dachshunds have stumpy little dachshund legs and long dachshund sausage bodies, so the dachshund can crawl down the b\*\*\*\*r hole and flush it out. Short little dachshund legs and low little dachshund bodies also mean their little dachshund bellies can’t be ripped open by sharp claws. Although dachshunds look really silly now, they were tough little buggers in their day. You don’t think of dachshunds as hunting dogs when you see them poncing down the street, but that’s what they were. Dachshunds. Bred to kill. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/168 "2005-09-29T13:12:43Z")
Des Moines, Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines-- Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines; Des Moines, Des Moines Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines. Des Moines beaver farts. Des Moines beaver farts; Des Moines beaver farts, Des Moines beaver farts Des Moines beaver farts. Does anyone here live in Des Moines? Does anyone have a Farting Beaver of Des Moines? Has anyone ever farted while hunting beaver in Des Moines? ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/169 "2005-09-29T13:54:42Z")
I dunno about you guys, but I cannot shake the “K” word down there. It’s as if the proper flow of diverse ads has been dammed up by cyber-beavers… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/170 "2005-09-29T15:03:23Z")
If you can’t beat the flow, then just try changong the direction… Hindu curry night, Krishna, Ghannesh, popadums, roghan josh, paratha. I’d like a thali from Vishnu with spicy onion bhaji a Shiva’s special muttar paneer and Kali Lime pickles. Please. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/171 "2005-09-29T15:05:54Z")
Govinda jaya jaya, Gopalla jaya jaya. Radha Ramana hari, Govinda jaya jaya. Acintya bheda abheda Tattva. Namaste. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/172 "2005-10-03T23:02:03Z")
> [@Happy Lendervedder](#): > > Des Moines, Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines-- Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines; Des Moines, Des Moines Des Moines. Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines Des Moines. > > Des Moines beaver farts. Des Moines beaver farts; Des Moines beaver farts, Des Moines beaver farts Des Moines beaver farts. > > Does anyone here live in Des Moines? Does anyone have a Farting Beaver of Des Moines? Has anyone ever farted while hunting beaver in Des Moines? Des Moines does have Beaver Ave. and a suburb called Beaverdale. I’ve probably farted on Beaver Ave. at some point in my life. ---
**Author:** ![remisser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@remisser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/remisser)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/173 "2005-10-10T00:49:36Z")
I don’t think you all are considering the illegal immigrant situation in Portugal - The inside of computers are getting hotter as chips get faster and boxes get smaller. Intel’s solution? Work with partner Zyvex to put carbon nanotubes into a thin layer of microprocessor goo. What would you put in the box? 1. a blank journal 2. a ziploc baggie of stickers 3. a platypus (stuffed… if I could get it back it would be Jonathon Livingston Platypus) 4. a bar of Hersheys Special Dark 5. rubber shackles (some of you will understand) 6. velvet hat with jingle bells - my red one. 7. a pair of “big comfy pants” 8. a copy of my “general silliness” minidisc 9. a pin cushion (with pins.) 10. a picture of my roommates (both human and fuzzy) 11. a piece of stemware 12. a copy of “screw the roses, send me the thorns” Seriously though… Cecil Adams is the pen name of the author of The Straight Dope since 1973, a popular question and answer column published in The Chicago Reader, syndicated in thirty newspapers in the United States and Canada, and available online. Billed as the “World’s Smartest Human Being,” Adams responds to often unusual inquiries with humor (often directed against the questioner), and at times exhaustive research into obscure and arcane issues. Adams is noted for his researching of urban legends. There are also legends concerning Adams himself, such as his claim that he has “never been photographed,” and the identity of Ed Zotti, Adams’s “assistant and editor”, who fulfills Adams’s publicity engagements, and has appeared in at least one photo captioned, “Cecil Adams”. His columns are archived at the Straight Dope website, which also hosts a popular internet forum. In 1996, A&E briefly aired a show hosted by comedian Mike Lukas based on the column called, of course, The Straight Dope. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130/174 "2005-10-10T19:53:35Z")
Town names in Iowa that I can think of off the top of my head: Albia, Ottumwa, Centerville, Moravia, Blakesburg, Avery, Lovilia, Melrose, Chariton, Leon, Cedar Rapids, Osceola, Knoxville, Oskaloosa, New Sharon, Tama, Toledo, Marengo, New Lenox, Newton, Des Moines, Urbandale, West Des Moines, Clive, Dows, Davenport, Cedar Falls, Waterloo, Mason City, Council Bluffs, Sioux City, Creston, Weldon, Weller, Monroe, Washington, What Cheer, Keosaqua, Eldon, Bloomfield, Fairfield, Dennison, West Bend, Bentondorf, Indianola, Georgetown, Wapello City, Marshalltown, Pleasantville, Pleasant Hill, Ankeny, Altoona, Waukee, Pella, Amana, Eddyville [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-try-and-influence-the-google-adds/323130.md?page=8)