# Let's write a scientifically illiterate movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470 "2012-08-14T15:12:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/21 "2012-08-14T17:20:29Z")
OK, the opening sequence starts off with a little girl who walks home from school casually exhibiting the powers Keanu Reeves has in the “Real world” in the Matrix, and then once the opening credits roll, it’s never mentioned again and never explained. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/22 "2012-08-14T17:28:34Z")
Ok, we start with an alien invasion of earth, because they are intent on looting our gold. They attempt to remain hidden and secretive, because they can be killed by water. However, their attempts fail when a scientist at SETI notices some weird transmissions on her i-phone. That sparks a bloody human rebellion where nerf becomes a multibillion-dollar arms development company. Unfortunately, the aliens prevail, and for centuries, humans are enslaved and worked to death as serfs. Until the aliens realize that humans apparently make excellent powersources, and they hook every human on the planet up into this massive power-generating grid, keeping them all entertained (and pacified) by a virtual holodeck. End with a hook for the sequel - one of the humans in the holodeck simulation notices that Moriarty is a little too clever. Perhaps there’s a flaw in the program? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/23 "2012-08-14T17:49:01Z")
I was gonna suggest that an advanced alien species arrives, but it turns out that water kills most of them and we are able to beat the rest of them off with baseball bats. But I guess that’s been done already too. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/24 "2012-08-14T17:58:54Z")
It’s a gas planet - we can fly right through it. Anything about irresistable forces meeting an immovable object. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/25 "2012-08-14T18:06:32Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > No, but the habitable zone (if it could exist) would be along the terminator, not the equator. Yes, yes. I forgot. You ever forget? Happened to me. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/26 "2012-08-14T18:12:14Z")
A universe that exists entirely on the outside of a Dyson Sphere… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/27 "2012-08-14T18:16:44Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > How about someone being blown miles away while hiding in a refrigerator by a nuclear explosion…and the only damage is a bit of dizziness? But it turns out that exposure to radiation gave them superpowers. Because that’s how mutation works. This is going to be the best movie I’ve seen in light years. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/28 "2012-08-14T18:43:50Z")
I wrote a short story along those lines once, called “Fatter Than Light” that goofed on relativity. As people approached the speed of light, they grew fatter, because of that mass thing you know. And once they got close enough to the speed of light, they could travel faster than light by walking around. So when an attractive female crew member took a shower, one of the male crew members jumped in the shower as soon as she left, figuring that since she was moving faster than light, her image would still be in there showering, prompting the “No consecutive showers” rule. Does that seem rock stupid enough? (BTW, the rejection slip I got back said I needed to learn a lot more about science before I could write science fiction … apparently, the editor did not realize it was a parody, despite the title.) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/29 "2012-08-14T18:53:17Z")
“Simon Brightlight had two doctorates - one in advanced hyperbolic theoretically applied physics and the other in English, the latter having proven necessary to respond to the inevitable pleas of ‘Whoa, Doc, say that again in English!’.” ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/30 "2012-08-14T18:54:23Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > No, but the habitable zone (if it could exist) would be along the terminator, not the equator. If the planet doesn’t rotate, then how do you define the equator? (of course, I think he means the planet _does_ rotate, just at the same rate it revolves around the star). ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/31 "2012-08-14T18:56:15Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > As people approached the speed of light, they grew fatter, because of that mass thing you know. > > … > > figuring that since she was moving faster than light, her image would still be in there showering… So, a lot of chubby-chasers in this universe, then. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/32 "2012-08-14T19:12:02Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > If the planet doesn’t rotate, then how do you define the equator? > > (of course, I think he means the planet _does_ rotate, just at the same rate it revolves around the star). Sure, if the planet is in tidal lock, such that one hemisphere is always facing its star, I’d define its equator as being the same as its orbital plane. As an incidental note, Mercury is _not_ tidally locked, though for a long time astronomers thought it was. Thus it doesn’t have a potential “habitable zone”, though I’m not actually sure if even a tide-locked planet could. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/33 "2012-08-14T19:46:27Z")
Equators, terminators, tidal lock, habital zones - what’s with all that sciency stuff? Did you forget the premise of the OP? We don’t need no science. My thoughts: No weapons are ever reloaded - nope, been done a thousand times. All the jungle vines are arranged for swinging at high speed without hitting any trees - gah, also done. There’s got be lots of stuff in the Old Testement - I’ll be back. \ ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/34 "2012-08-14T20:52:06Z")
A character gets hit with an “Alpha beam”, which turns all his alpha particles into beta particles. Net result - he gets bigger. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/35 "2012-08-14T20:59:58Z")
They figure out how to exceed the speed of light by reversing the attitude controls on the spaceship. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/36 "2012-08-14T21:07:01Z")
Our superhero grabs the bumper and lifts the loaded semi-trailer over her head, swings it around a couple of times, and tosses it at the monster. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/37 "2012-08-14T21:12:07Z")
The hero calmly walks away from an explosion early in the movie (or maybe the anti-hero, 'cuz then it would be way cooler), then later on dives away from an explosion to save himself and the pretty girl. Maybe later still, he uses an explosion to propel himself across a chasm so he can get the bad guy. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/38 "2012-08-14T21:15:40Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > The hero calmly walks away from an explosion early in the movie (or maybe the anti-hero, 'cuz then it would be way cooler), then later on dives away from an explosion to save himself and the pretty girl. Maybe later still, he uses an explosion to propel himself across a chasm so he can get the bad guy. And at some point he outruns the explosion too. It’s space so it’s probably a nuclear, or even cosmic warp explosion too. But he can still protect himself by jumping behind a rock if the explosion starts to catch up. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/39 "2012-08-14T21:55:11Z")
Our hero goes outside the ship in deep space, removes his helmet and takes a sniff … “Hey, I don’t smell any oxygen out here!” "Well better get that lil ol helmet back on, Tex! the positronic space defibrillator turns out to be repairable with the heroine’s hairpin. ---
**Author:** ![Tanbarkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@Tanbarkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanbarkie)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/40 "2012-08-14T22:29:14Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Followed by lots of ear-splitting explosions in THX sound… because we all know everything is louder in space. Well, obviously. There’s no air to suck up the sound! (That’s how sound works, right?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470.md?page=3)