# Let's write a scientifically illiterate movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470 "2012-08-14T15:12:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/41 "2012-08-14T22:56:42Z")
Can we throw in something about the founder effect having extremely positive results? New species are good, right? ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/42 "2012-08-14T22:57:31Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#): > > You just reminded me of a short story with that exact premise. My memory and googlefu are inadequate to come up with a name or title, but I do remember some other stuff. The protagonist is a detective of some sort I believe on a planet orbiting a star called Hell. The planet doesn’t rotate, so all the habitable zones lie along the equator and there is no law, only anarchy. The people live in hovels and murder, rape, and slavery are de rigeur except within the heavily guarded confines of a few corporation buildings that own everything. The protag gets taken as a slave, I believe at some point loses a hand, some stuff happens and kills some bad guys on a boat heading into the night side of the planet (yes not only is there atmosphere there’s water on this mercury-like planet) and I think it more or less ends there. > > Ring any bells for anybody else? Book of Mormon? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/43 "2012-08-14T22:57:49Z")
Where the word “photon” should be used, use “proton”; or vice-versa. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/44 "2012-08-14T23:00:35Z")
Just name it _[Unknown World.](http://archive.org/details/UnknownWorld)_ ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/45 "2012-08-14T23:21:26Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > And at some point he outruns the explosion too. It’s space so it’s probably a nuclear, or even cosmic warp explosion too. But he can still protect himself by jumping behind a rock if the explosion starts to catch up. We definately need to incorporate computer-game style “rocket-jumping”. That is, the character has a rocket launcher. If he shoots a rocket at his feet, the resulting explosion carries him much farther than he can jump. Of course, he’s a little bit wounded from this–some blackened clothing and a bit of smoke coming from his hair. Then he’s in a perfect sniping location to take out the bad guy’s helicopter with his rocket launcher. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/46 "2012-08-14T23:39:24Z")
Speaking of video games, we need to have the protagonist in a dirt bike competition where all the jumpers lean forward as much as possible _during_ a jump, which will visibly accelerate them. Make a big deal about this when one of the heroes uses this to get in the same position as the rocket jumper. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/47 "2012-08-14T23:48:18Z")
Have cars running straight into vertical walls, yet somehow they are turned, catapulted into the air, and turn somersaults. The hero’s car of course will land on it’s wheels and drive on, everyone else’s cars will explode into huge fireballs. ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/48 "2012-08-14T23:50:53Z")
Just plagiarize _ST IV: The Voyage Home_ Undetected (presumably) probe emits (presumably) EMP because it cannot communicate with whales nor [presumably] with the sentient creatures that dominate the technological development and operation. Exceed speed of light while whipping around the sun to accomplish time travel Land something the mass of an aircraft carrier in Golden Gate park undetected Capture enough mysterious nuclear radiation to fuel escape velocity of said mass in something the size of a gameboy Practice parapsychology with whales Manufacture [transparent] aluminum in a facility without high temperature forge, within a day, without AL ore. Vertical takeoff of the said mass like a harrier jet while doing no thermal damage, then fly to gulf of Alaska and transport whales aboard without any military intervention Then whip back around the sun at faster than SOL to effect time travel again Then crash land in SF bay, but not sink Happily swim in SF Bay without hypothermia Are we done yet? ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/49 "2012-08-14T23:58:21Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Just plagiarize _ST IV: The Voyage Home_ > > Undetected (presumably) probe emits (presumably) EMP because it cannot communicate with whales nor [presumably] with the sentient creatures that dominate the technological development and operation. > Exceed speed of light while whipping around the sun to accomplish time travel > Land something the mass of an aircraft carrier in Golden Gate park undetected > Capture enough mysterious nuclear radiation to fuel escape velocity of said mass in something the size of a gameboy > Practice parapsychology with whales > Manufacture [transparent] aluminum in a facility without high temperature forge, within a day, without AL ore. > Vertical takeoff of the said mass like a harrier jet while doing no thermal damage, then fly to gulf of Alaska and transport whales aboard without any military intervention > Then whip back around the sun at faster than SOL to effect time travel again > Then crash land in SF bay, but not sink > Happily swim in SF Bay without hypothermia > > Are we done yet? Nitpick: As I recall they didn’t use transparent aluminum, they traded the secret of it for conventional materials. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/50 "2012-08-15T00:08:20Z")
Present day marines fall through a “pan-timespace dimensional vortex” after a terrorist bombing at CERN and land in a world that is the exact one they left - only _eeevil_ and made of antimatter. Their bullets are not made of antimatter, and therefore useless against their antimatter evil twins, but antimatter gravity doesn’t affect normal matter, so the marines can jump great heights and long distances. They use this ability to do sword based aerial combat with evil antimatter fighter planes. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/51 "2012-08-15T00:42:55Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Manufacture [transparent] aluminum in a facility without high temperature forge, within a day, without AL ore A lot of people seem to believe the tank was made out of transparent aluminum. It was actually made of six-inch plexiglas (which the company had in stock), which Scott and McCoy got in exchange for the formula for transparent aluminum. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/52 "2012-08-15T00:42:57Z")
Just have all the stuff manufactured by ACME. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/53 "2012-08-15T06:03:54Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > OK, the opening sequence starts off with a little girl who walks home from school casually exhibiting the powers Keanu Reeves has in the “Real world” in the Matrix, and then once the opening credits roll, it’s never mentioned again and never explained. I dunno…this could come across as deliberately surrealistic, or post-modern, or allegorical. For it to be truly bad, the story needs to be stupid enough to _believe_ it’s being clever and accurate, and proud enough to show it. Or, that it holds the audience in enough contempt that as long as it makes a _pretense_ of saying something’s scientific, it doesn’t care how far off it is. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/54 "2012-08-15T14:15:28Z")
Space ships with doors instead of airlocks would be good. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/55 "2012-08-15T14:31:58Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > Think of it this way: we’re making a movie with the intention of having Sheldon Cooper’s head explode before the credits start rolling. If you can do it before the OPENING credits, even better. Easy. [“The neutrinos have _mutated_!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jUP1k-PKh0) ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/56 "2012-08-15T14:50:56Z")
The bad guy thinks that he’s getting away. He’s driving around in his car, cutting the wheel to the left and to the right (despite the fact that he’s on a completely flat desert.) The camera cuts back and forth from this to our hero, chasing the car on foot. Finally our hero catches up the the bad guy’s car and punches the car in the gas tank cover lid, causing the car to explode. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/57 "2012-08-15T15:24:50Z")
You could lift a lot of stuff from the old _Lost in Space_ series. Like where they’re in interplanetary space and they encounter a meteor shower consisting of huge flaming rocks. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/58 "2012-08-15T15:30:39Z")
Or they could land on a rock only a little bigger than the ship, then get out and walk around on it. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/59 "2012-08-15T15:50:24Z")
“On our planet we have never heard of these…_Men_. So why do I feel so strange inside when this Earth-Man looks upon me?” ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/60 "2012-08-16T07:35:15Z")
Well, of course we have to make sure the humans and the lumpy aliens can talk to each other in the same language. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470.md?page=4)