# Let's write a scientifically illiterate movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470 "2012-08-14T15:12:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/61 "2012-08-16T08:20:38Z")
Have a protagonist who ages in reverse because on his world time progresses in light years instead of normal years. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/62 "2012-08-16T11:50:05Z")
> [@For You](#): > > Well, of course we have to make sure the humans and the lumpy aliens can talk to each other in the same language. I think it would be funnier to have the aliens look exactly like humans, and pass it off with a line thrown in about “an incredible coincidence in evolution”. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/63 "2012-08-16T12:01:21Z")
To be scientifically illiterate, you’ve got to take some concept people may have heard about and interpret it in a completely wrong way. That’s why I like the example of the “degenerate star” above. You could have fun with other terms like "orbital decay,“quantum foam,” “black body radiation\*” and “the God particle.” \*_Talkin 'bout Shaft–in Space!_ ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/64 "2012-08-16T13:49:34Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I think it would be funnier to have the aliens look exactly like humans, and pass it off with a line thrown in about “an incredible coincidence in evolution”. When the earthlings see that the aliens look exactly like them they act relieved: “Ah, good, they’re intelligent.” “And they’re white too, so they probably speak English.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/65 "2012-08-16T14:28:05Z")
And they can’t dance, or jump. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/66 "2012-08-16T17:22:27Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > To be scientifically illiterate, you’ve got to take some concept people may have heard about and interpret it in a completely wrong way. That’s why I like the example of the “degenerate star” above. You could have fun with other terms like: “orbital decay”: a disease caused by prolonged weightlessness “quantum foam”: a magic can-do-anything phlebotinum; comes in a handy spray can “black body radiation”: deadly emissions given off by a nuclear weapon that only harms people of African descent “the God particle.”: a sub-atomic particle that is the physical manifestation of God, and the source of miracles. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/67 "2012-08-16T17:27:26Z")
“Commander, the enemy ship is getting away! How can we catch them?” “Release the Hawking radiation.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/68 "2012-08-16T17:27:28Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Space ships with doors instead of airlocks would be good. The alien ship is preparing to dock. Open up the screen door to let them in. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/69 "2012-08-16T17:27:47Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > “orbital decay”: a disease caused by prolonged weightlessness … More specifically, it’s a gum disease, and your teeth will eventually float out of them. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/70 "2012-08-16T17:31:27Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > … “quantum foam” … It’s the birth control for Gods. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/71 "2012-08-16T17:34:24Z")
> [@Rucksinator](#): > > When the earthlings see that the aliens look exactly like them they act relieved: > “Ah, good, they’re intelligent.” > “And they’re white too, so they probably speak English.” Yes, by the principle of parallel cultural development, these aliens look like white suburban Americans, speak English, and dress in business casual. Except for the men, because there aren’t any men on this planet, only nubile blonde space babes. Wait, forget the business casual, we’re going with jeweled binkinis and silk scarves. Plus the female amazon guards have laser pistols, which they use to vaporize one and only one red-shirt guy. Then they forget their disintegrator rays and use clumsy decorated spears for the rest of the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/72 "2012-08-16T17:46:00Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > … we’re going with jeweled binkinis and silk scarves. … But that _is_ business casual. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/73 "2012-08-16T17:47:53Z")
> [@For You](#): > > Well, of course we have to make sure the humans and the lumpy aliens can talk to each other in the same language. Not just talk they have to be able to have sex and interbreed. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/74 "2012-08-16T17:55:44Z")
What is this thing you Earth men call … love? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/75 "2012-08-16T17:56:15Z")
The aliens breed rapidly and someone cries out, “They’re multiplying existentially!” (We have to get some math and philosophy into the script.) And, it turns out, they’re Jewish. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/76 "2012-08-16T18:00:42Z")
Had another thought, but it would be a short film… Advanced aliens invade the world of _Idiocracy_. Those that don’t literally laugh themselves to death are poisoned by Brawndo, and the people of Earth are saved. ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/77 "2012-08-16T19:58:23Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Had another thought, but it would be a short film… > > Advanced aliens invade the world of _Idiocracy_. Those that don’t literally laugh themselves to death are poisoned by Brawndo, and the people of Earth are saved. BRAWNDO !! It’s got what Aliens crave !!! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470/78 "2012-08-16T20:16:29Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > Our hero goes outside the ship in deep space, removes his helmet and takes a sniff … “Hey, I don’t smell any oxygen out here!” > > "Well better get that lil ol helmet back on, Tex! YOU FOOL! You’ll let in SPACE AIR!! > [@Koxinga](#): > > What is this thing you Earth men call … love? I don’t know. I said I was human. I didn’t say I was a chick. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lets-write-a-scientifically-illiterate-movie/631470.md?page=3)