# Letter to my daughter's high school principal about her choir program **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 30, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340 "2012-10-30T17:09:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/41 "2012-10-31T02:51:04Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You’ll get a polite response, but to be frank operationally it’s a gushing diarrhea of a letter. It comes across as petty and entitled. I’m sure it made you feel better having glurged all this out, but if you read this coming from another parent writing on behalf of their very special child regarding subject X and teacher Y you’d be wonder what this crazy parent as going on about. > > You don’t want to be that guy, but in this letter you are that crazy parent guy. Perfect synopsis. ---
**Author:** ![BlueOhio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BlueOhio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueOhio)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/42 "2012-10-31T12:48:46Z")
That was the letter to write for self-therapy; then draft a more concise letter to actually send. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/43 "2012-10-31T13:20:22Z")
Sounds to me like things are changing regarding choirs at your kid’s school. Moving away from a separate ‘elite’ group, and integrating it into, all one unit. Seems highly unlikely to measure up to your lofty expectations, of course. It would seem this is the result of some ugly incident that revealed a real division and left ill feelings. Since your special snow flake is in the ‘elite’ group you don’t want to see that special status diluted. No doubt because ‘elite’ high school choir is so dreadfully lifechangingly important, or should be, to everyone! And one cannot help but wonder if this teacher, expected to surrender a Fri night without pay, is one of the one’s who’s wages have been frozen, or bargaining rights rescinded? Who schedules volunteer events for Friday nights? What’s so hard to understand about it being run differently now as their is a new teacher running it? Or does every new person have to run it like the last person? 'Cause that’s kind of ridiculous, it isn’t the army, it’s an after school choir! It’s a shame you asked for advice _after_ you sent the letter. You come off like a pissy entitled parent, upset that your child’s ‘elite’ status is being diluted in favour of the common good. It’s probably _not_ who you are in real life but that’s how your letter sounds. Things change, separate ‘elite’ choirs may cause more problems, (requiring a choreographer? really?), than one large uniform group. Somewhere, in some high school, kids and parents are miffed because they joined the Aviation Club the very year it was losing funding and being phased out. Sucks, sure. But shit happens, things change. That’s what the adult should be helping the child to accept, in preparation for real life in the real world, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/44 "2012-10-31T14:33:18Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > A public school (assuming that’s where your kid is) is not a place for an elite, exclusionary singing group to form. It’s not the government’s responsibility to encourage such an exclusionary group. Instead, it’s the government’s responsibility, in its schools, to give students the opportunity to explore different hobbies and subjects. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Please understand: the registered Democrat in me has always been somewhat ambivalent about the fact that “elite” necessarily implies “exclusive,” which in turn, necessarily implies “exclusionary.” However, I made my peace with that last year, when it became clear how well it has worked to maintain the _redacted_ Chamber Choir as a first-rate group, with a first-rate reputation. In my view – a view admittedly colored by my constant alertness for liberal inconsistency – these two paragraphs interest me greatly. I agree with **kaylasdad99** that an elite, exclusionary group is a useful thing, even in school. A meritocracy rewards those who have merit; this produces good results, as he acknowledges when he relates how well the Chamber Choir has succeeded. Diluting a first-rate group with others of lesser talent simply because they’re all in public school together serves only to emphasize one of public school’s greatest failings: the relentless pull towards the mediocre middle. **LHoD** ’s post seems to capture the more typical liberal attitude towards the issue: that it’s more important to give everyone a chance than to create an environment which rewards and recognizes top-notch achievement. I don’t think the letter to the principal is a good place to even mention this philosophical divide. But I think the SDMB GD forum is. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/45 "2012-10-31T16:44:21Z")
Without getting into a political argument here, I don’t see why an elite choir would be different from a football team, basketball team, or any other competitive endeavor. I don’t think that any kind of elite team is per se wrong as a school activity especially if there exists a similar version for kids who aren’t elite. I do think that the OP’s letter is way too long and needed to be edited down to the most important points. I also think that political and philosophical musings need to be removed otherwise the letter impact and becomes easier to ignore. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/46 "2012-10-31T16:45:59Z")
That is a difference between two different “liberals”. Do all “conservatives” think exactly the same? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/47 "2012-10-31T17:04:14Z")
Also, it’s unlikely the choir leader is making these changes independent of the principle. They probably had a meeting, and this convergence of the two choirs is likely a done deal. I’m sure at the meeting they discussed being a united front against anticipated push back from the parents of the elite students. I suspect the OP will get shined on a couple of times and then told for budget reasons this _is_ how it’s going to be, and to suck it up. The truth is that education dollars are stretched pretty thin and your child is not entitled to an ‘elite’ choir experience, just because such was provided, as ‘extracurricular’, in previous years. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/48 "2012-10-31T17:13:55Z")
I got to the point where you were bitching about a hundred people maybe getting a discount that was set up for two dozen and stopped reading. Very hard to discern the actual complaint. Then I read the rest of the thread and realized you already sent it, so why even ask? If I got it I’d tell my assistant to send back the generic “thank you for your concerns” response. Band name! Redacted Chamber Choir! ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/49 "2012-10-31T17:14:58Z")
Well, it’s 62 words shorter than the Declaration of Independence, which is nice. If you think that letter is an effective piece of persuasive writing, think again. You should have made your points in fewer than 200 words. Being a school principal has got to be one of the worst jobs around, because of the parents. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/50 "2012-10-31T17:25:39Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Other, more difficult to articulate alternative motivations come to mind I may make more comments on this letter later but I’m pretty curious what this is referring to? > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Yikes. If I were the principal and I’d been considering ending the Chamber Choir, this letter would go a long way toward giving me resolve in doing so. A public school (assuming that’s where your kid is) is not a place for an elite, exclusionary singing group to form. It’s not the government’s responsibility to encourage such an exclusionary group. Instead, it’s the government’s responsibility, in its schools, to give students the opportunity to explore different hobbies and subjects. > > It’s great for kids to be in a top-notch program, sure. But for something like choir, it makes more sense to make it a program open to everyone, not one that achieves its excellence at the cost of denying opportunities to other kids. > > It’s also possible that if your letter spent less time talking about how your daughter is part of the elite, I’d be less repulsed by it. There may be a way to phrase the letter such that you focus on educational opportunities (e.g., by talking about the advanced techniques that may be explored when all students have mastered the basics), and if you can figure that out, I encourage you to do so. > > But as is, I find the letter really off-putting. And that is why some parents will go without a car or eating meat every day to send their kids to private school. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/51 "2012-10-31T17:30:06Z")
I bet that one’s going up in the teachers’ lounge! ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/52 "2012-10-31T17:37:25Z")
As someone who enjoyed singing in choir for my entire high school career (including not for credit my senior year… long story) and who has married veteran choir performers (high school, college, etc), I will say this one very important piece of information for you: Prepare your daughter, NOW, for choir in college to be completely irrelevant. Unless she is going to be attending a performing arts school, it will be worth exactly nothing. My wife says all her years of vocal training and hard work got her free drinks at karaoke bars, and that’s about it. It’s a sad statement of fact, but it’s painfully true. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/53 "2012-10-31T18:31:31Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > I bet that one’s going up in the teachers’ lounge! Or turned into a game like _The Eye of Argon_, where they’ll take turns reading it and trying to keep a straight face for as long as possible. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/54 "2012-10-31T18:32:23Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > And that is why some parents will go without a car or eating meat every day to send their kids to private school. I coached at a private school for three years before spending the last three at a public school. I can tell you that the way the teams are treated is exactly the same at both. . . except I had a way bigger budget at the private school. If anything, I was under more pressure to be more accepting of more kids at the private school because sometimes the awful kids had the parents with the deepest pockets. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/55 "2012-10-31T18:56:23Z")
Overprotective stage moms come in a variety of genders, I see. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/56 "2012-10-31T19:17:57Z")
I want the OP to come back so we can hear about how this letter did nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/57 "2012-10-31T19:31:36Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > **LHoD** ’s post seems to capture the more typical liberal attitude towards the issue: that it’s more important to give everyone a chance than to create an environment which rewards and recognizes top-notch achievement. Understand, please, that I’m not saying this is a general rule everywhere. I’m saying that it’s a good guiding principle for a public school for minors. I have no problem at all with private schools that are elite, or government institutions that recognize elite adults (e.g., MIT). But I think the point of public education for kids is to give all kids the best opportunities available, and if there’s a conflict between broadening opportunities and creating opportunities for the elite, in general I’ll side with broader opportunities. That said, even in my original post I weaseled, saying that there’s probably a less distasteful way to phrase things, and now I’ll weasel even more. As long as the baseline activities are well-handled (regular-ed classes, PE, music open to everyone), then sure, it’s appropriate to have courses that teach advanced skills for those who have mastered the basics (AP classes, sports teams, glee clubs). I actually have a problem with the No Child Left Behind emphasis on getting everyone to the minimum point, when doing so means neglecting kids who’ve advanced beyond that point; my educational philosophy is that we need to be trying to take every kid as far as she can go, not just getting every kid up to minimally acceptable levels. To the extent that the above paragraph conflicts with what I originally said, please disregard what I originally said :). The letter’s tone of entitled elitism really got up my nose. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/58 "2012-10-31T20:43:17Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I don’t think the letter to the principal is a good place to even mention this philosophical divide. > > But I think the SDMB GD forum is. Hey, great idea! _checks current forum_ :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/59 "2012-10-31T21:12:57Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > And that is why some parents will go without a car or eating meat every day to send their kids to private school. I don’t know if this was said to elicit sympathy for those parents or what, but, as that is the choice they made, they will get no sympathy from me. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340/60 "2012-10-31T21:17:13Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I don’t know if this was said to elicit sympathy for those parents or what, but, as that is the choice they made, they will get no sympathy from me. Nope, it wasn’t meant to elicit sympathy for anyone, but if anyone deserves the sympathy it’s the kids at public schools that miss out on their true potential and earn millions less during their life (but were driven to school) because their parents didn’t make such a sacrifice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letter-to-my-daughters-high-school-principal-about-her-choir-program/639340.md?page=4)