# Letterman to be a daddy. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239 "2003-09-12T17:22:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Madawc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@Madawc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madawc)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/41 "2003-09-13T07:37:17Z")
#6 - nothing else to do during the Blackout ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/42 "2003-09-13T07:55:21Z")
#5 - Waited as long as possible for Drew Barrymore to declare her love. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/43 "2003-09-13T08:06:43Z")
#5: Oprah said Yes! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/44 "2003-09-13T08:13:48Z")
#4: Needed the SDMB to create a Top Ten thread with two #5s. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/45 "2003-09-13T10:00:17Z")
#3: Alan Kalter said yes! ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/46 "2003-09-13T15:36:25Z")
#2: After all this time, finally got close enough to Grinder Girl. ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/47 "2003-09-13T18:43:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Troy McClure SF \* > \*\*#2: After all this time, finally got close enough to Grinder Girl. \*\* ``` -during the blackout ``` ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/48 "2003-09-13T20:34:59Z")
And the number 1 reason why I, David Letterman, have finally decided to have a kid: Because I didn’t want to leave my vast inheritance to that guy from “Ed” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/49 "2003-09-13T23:08:07Z")
And from the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, the Top Ten criteria for selecting the mother of my child. #10: Liquor. I had some, she had more. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/50 "2003-09-13T23:26:59Z")
#9. Finally found a woman not totally repulsed by the huge gap in my teeth. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/51 "2003-09-13T23:29:53Z")
#8. She didn’t mind me calling her ‘Kenny.’ ---
**Author:** ![Madawc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@Madawc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madawc)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/52 "2003-09-14T01:05:39Z")
#7. She said “screw you Duckface”, Dave heard “Screw me Duckface”. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/53 "2003-09-14T03:18:22Z")
#6. She floats. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/54 "2003-09-14T04:08:30Z")
#8. She was the only woman in North America who laughed at the “Uma–Oprah” oke. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/55 "2003-09-14T23:52:07Z")
What? Paul, did I say ‘eight?’ Oh, well, what number are we up to? That was 'five?" Number four: She ‘flashes’ me on my birthday. [Cut to clip of Drew Barrymore dancing and Dave’s desk and flashing him.] ---
**Author:** ![Dizzy\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dizzy\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dizzy_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/56 "2003-09-15T01:03:47Z")
#3: She’ll sit through “Cabin Boy.” ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/57 "2003-09-15T01:31:50Z")
#2 She was hand-picked by that snarky blonde from _Queer Eye_. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/58 "2003-09-15T01:48:01Z")
#1 - She’s my cardiac nurse. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/59 "2003-09-15T02:04:26Z")
Dave: And now, the top ten reasons why I, David Letterman, will **not** be a good father. Paul: Oh no, Dave. You’ll be a great father, I just know it. Dave: Why thank-you, Paul. But let’s face it. Look at me. Do I look like father material? [Mugs at camera.] Paul: I think you’ll be fabulous! But this is the top ten reasons why you might **not** be a good father. Dave: That’s right, why, I, Dave Letterman, will **not** be a good father… [drum roll] #10. I’ll tell the State Trooper that it was the kid who was doing the drivin’. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239/60 "2003-09-15T14:47:57Z")
#9. Stupid baby tricks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/letterman-to-be-a-daddy/201239.md?page=4)