# LGBT Dopers: When did you know? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2017, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650 "2017-03-20T21:42:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/1 "2017-03-20T21:42:10Z")
So, my youngest as started proclaiming herself as liking the ladies. For the last six months or so she’s announced that she’s had a crush on a series of her peers. She’s twelve. I’m trying to treat this sensitively, here. My ex-wife has told her she’s not old enough to be anything. But I dunno. Maybe it’s a thing at her school, maybe it’s real, maybe next week she’s going to want to be a lion or something. But at the moment she’s arguing with her gymnastics coach - a hardcore Christian conservative - and asking me to order her rainbow shirts. But just in case I want to be supportive and that starts with gathering data. So, my friends, when did you know you were LGBT? ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/2 "2017-03-20T21:43:56Z")
Around then, yah. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/3 "2017-03-20T21:46:49Z")
Bi, my whole life…but grew up in small Northern Idaho town and had enough intelligence to hide the fact. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/4 "2017-03-20T21:48:03Z")
Around puberty. I’m glad your daughter felt comfortable telling you. That says a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/5 "2017-03-20T21:52:16Z")
If her decision changes later on, or changes back for that matter, please make no more a deal of it than you do now. ---
**Author:** ![Club\_33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Club\_33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Club_33)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/6 "2017-03-20T21:55:31Z")
I’m pretty sure I knew something was different well before 12, but puberty served as confirmation of my suspicions. Of course, back in my day, there was no expectation of acceptance so you hid who you were at that young age or you paid serious consequences. It seems like it is better for kids today, for which I’m grateful. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/7 "2017-03-20T22:56:49Z")
I had my first fantasy at the age of five, followed by a few “you show me yours” scenarios and funny feelings “down there”. By the time puberty reared its head, so to speak, it was all unmistakable. But it wasn’t until high school until I discovered I wasn’t the only person in the world with these feelings (yes, this was back in the stone age). The worst thing you can do is minimize or invalidate her feelings. She’s lucky to have parents who will listen to her. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/8 "2017-03-21T11:47:07Z")
Thanks for the replies, everyone. Anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/9 "2017-03-21T12:15:40Z")
BTW, there’s a wonderful group that’s been around for decades, [PFLAG](https://www.pflag.org/) (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They have a ton of resources available and I highly recommend it. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/10 "2017-03-21T14:40:02Z")
I remember being pre-pubescent and getting excited watching an Elvis Presley movie. By the time puberty came around, I knew. That was also around the time that smoking cessation tapes were all the rage (and other tapes designed to alter your mind while you sleep which made you more confident/successful/have a bigger vocabulary). I remember scouring the back of the Dragon Breath tape box which listed all of those other programs to see if there was one to make me like girls. That was 30 years ago and I’m not happily married to a guy. There are subtleties that aren’t often mentioned. Think about a five year old boy who mentions he has a crush on one of his female classmates. People will think it’s cute and help him write a note. Compare that with the same boy who has a crush on one of his male classmates and then he becomes “confused” or have to explain “how he could know that then”. The best answer is always “when did you know you were straight?” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/11 "2017-03-21T14:42:48Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > So, my youngest as started proclaiming herself as liking the ladies. For the last six months or so she’s announced that she’s had a crush on a series of her peers. She’s twelve. > > I’m trying to treat this sensitively, here. My ex-wife has told her she’s not old enough to be anything. But I dunno. Maybe it’s a thing at her school, maybe it’s real, maybe next week she’s going to want to be a lion or something. But at the moment she’s arguing with her gymnastics coach - a hardcore Christian conservative - and asking me to order her rainbow shirts. > > But just in case I want to be supportive and that starts with gathering data. So, my friends, when did you know you were LGBT? My belief is that when anyone is old enough to have attractions (at whatever that age is, gay or straight) you are old enough to know who you’re attracted to. I came to this by listening to my own friends and watching my own kids. Not LGBT myself, but I have a lot of friends and family who have come out. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/12 "2017-03-21T14:52:01Z")
I was in fifth grade when I realized. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/13 "2017-03-21T15:09:25Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > That was 30 years ago and I’m **not** happily married to a guy. Bolding mine I hope he’s not a regular here. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/14 "2017-03-21T15:13:41Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Bolding mine > > I hope he’s not a regular here. 😉 LOL oops. He does hog all of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/15 "2017-03-21T15:19:26Z")
In my kids middle school, it’s something of a fad for girls to date other girls. I’ve seen girls who I thought for sure were lesbians in middle school, but when they got to high school, they were dating guys. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/16 "2017-03-21T17:40:02Z")
Yeah, as I said, kids are changeable. But I think I’m going to play it straight so long as she does. I don’t think I have any choice. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/17 "2017-03-21T22:30:07Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > That was 30 years ago and I’m\*\* not\*\* happily married to a guy. Ha! don’t pretend it’s a typo. The price for equality in marriage is that you have to be as unhappy as us hetero couples. 😃 On a more serious note. Though I’m straight I can confirm that by that age I was in absolutely no doubt which side my bread was buttered. I can’t see why others at different points of the sexuality spectrum wouldn’t be just as certain just as young. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/18 "2017-03-22T13:02:26Z")
Gotta admit, I was kissing girls in kindergarten and crushing and such in elementary school. But I’m not going to assume my experience meshes with everyone elses. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/19 "2017-03-22T13:35:18Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Gotta admit, I was kissing girls in kindergarten and crushing and such in elementary school. But I’m not going to assume my experience meshes with everyone elses. Having crushes on girls in elementary school is not the same as being straight. Believe me, I know. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650/20 "2017-03-22T14:03:10Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > But I think I’m going to play it straight so long as she does. snerk. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lgbt-dopers-when-did-you-know/782650.md?page=2)