# Lies people tell **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 3, 2011, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183 "2011-06-03T10:51:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/1 "2011-06-03T10:51:41Z")
Saying it’s a “friendly reminder” doesn’t make it friendly. Saying “no pun intended” doesn’t mean it’s not the worst pun you’ve ever seen. Saying “no offense” doesn’t mean it’s not offensive. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/2 "2011-06-03T11:05:14Z")
and don’t get me started on “bless his/her heart.” ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/3 "2011-06-03T11:39:17Z")
They’re lot lies. They’re colloquial phrases; English is an imprecise and non-literal language much of the time. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/4 "2011-06-03T13:55:27Z")
The check’s in the mail. We’re from the government and we’re here to help you. I promise not to come in your mouth. As well as the good old “I’m not a racist, but…” ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/5 "2011-06-03T16:25:48Z")
We’re making this change to serve you better. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/6 "2011-06-03T16:28:06Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > We’re making this change to serve you better. Do you work for Comcast? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/7 "2011-06-03T16:30:44Z")
It’s not you, it’s me. (Okay, it \*can \*be true, but most of the time, it \*is \*you.) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/8 "2011-06-03T16:31:54Z")
“We have installed video surveillance equipment to ensure your protection.” “Have a nice day.” “I have the stomach flu and won’t be in today.” “I only had two beers.” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/9 "2011-06-03T16:34:19Z")
I’m only doing this for your own good. It hurts me more than it hurts you. This is constructive criticism. I love you. (Yes, I’m pretty cynical and distrustful by now.) ---
**Author:** ![Marconi\_N.Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Marconi\_N.Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_N.Cheese)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/10 "2011-06-03T16:49:44Z")
Trust me, I know what I’m doing. It’s for your own good. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/11 "2011-06-03T16:51:57Z")
You’ll feel a little pinch (when being stuck in the mouth with a needle the size of a cannon). There will be some discomfort (it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker). ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/12 "2011-06-03T16:53:17Z")
“I don’t go out with men from work” - a rule which came into effect when you asked me, and will be revoked as soon as it’s someone I want doing the asking. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/13 "2011-06-03T17:01:02Z")
I don’t mean to be rude, but (I’m going to be) I’m sorry, but (I’m really not sorry one little tiny bit you scumsucking armpit) No, those pants don’t make your ass look fat at all (compared to a pregnant elephant…) ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/14 "2011-06-03T17:21:01Z")
I hate to be the one to tell you… ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/15 "2011-06-03T17:22:39Z")
“Bundling our services will give you the convenience of one point of contact to help you with _all_ your needs.” ["This department can’t help you with _that_ service – you’ll have to call a completely different number. (_And_ wait through a second call queue.)] ---
**Author:** ![Cryptic\_C62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Cryptic\_C62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryptic_C62)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/16 "2011-06-03T17:29:46Z")
“Ah, interesting.” If what I just said is actually interesting, why can’t you think of something more substantial to say in response? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/17 "2011-06-03T17:34:13Z")
“I _need_ those oxys for my _scroosheeaytin_ pain, Doc!” ---
**Author:** ![nivlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@nivlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nivlac)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/18 "2011-06-03T17:44:00Z")
“This is just between you and me …” “What a beautiful baby!” “You two look like sisters!” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/19 "2011-06-03T17:54:04Z")
I’ve never seen one that big before. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183/20 "2011-06-03T17:58:46Z")
Anything that involves “5 minutes”. There is no such thing as 5 minutes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-people-tell/584183.md?page=2)