# Lies you tell your pets **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2018, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745 "2018-04-20T01:12:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/41 "2018-04-22T15:51:09Z")
> [@Jennshark](#): > > Our herd is biscuit-crazy and know what “biscuit” means. We’ve been using “b word” as code to discuss if they’ve had some, if we need more, etc. They’ve caught on to what it means, so we need to find another code word. > > We were using “wavy bacon” as code for that form of canine crack, Beggin Strip. That code didn’t last long. Yeah, dogs are like hackers that force you to change your password every few days to maintain security. At the moment, we are saying “Has he had his perambulation yet?” but I’m sure he’ll crack that code soon enough. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/42 "2018-04-22T16:04:23Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Yeah, dogs are like hackers that force you to change your password every few days to maintain security. At the moment, we are saying “Has he had his perambulation yet?” but I’m sure he’ll crack that code soon enough. “Has she powdered her nose?” has worked well do far. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/43 "2018-04-22T16:15:26Z")
My beagle ( dog#2) doesn’t wait for the walkies word, If I walk toward the french door or look like I might put shoes on. All hell breaks loose. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/44 "2018-04-22T18:53:41Z")
I was going to try, “You’re in charge!” on the dog when I left this morning-it would truly annoy the cats-but she was asleep on the couch, blissfully wrapped in the arms of Morpheus. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/45 "2018-04-23T15:11:33Z")
“No! You don’t want this! Dogs don’t _like_ bacon!” (Or turkey or whatever it is they’re begging for, I assure them that no dog has ever liked that thing) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/46 "2018-04-23T16:25:47Z")
It is unfortunately difficult to be absolutely truthful with Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup]. What I said: “Get in the car. We are not going to the dog park - we are taking you to the vet, and he is going to give you some shots.” What he heard: “Dog park”. What I said at the vet’s office: “Just get on the scale. It will not hurt.” What he heard: “The scale will hurt.” What I said: “The doctor will give you some shots, and then it is time to go home.” What he heard: “Time to go home.” What I said when we got home: “See? That wasn’t so bad. Next time don’t be such a wussy dog.” What he heard: “Treats!” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/47 "2018-04-23T16:34:51Z")
Me: Dinner will be just a minute. Dog(s): Liar! (Paws my leg) [If they would learn to tell time properly, this wouldn’t happen.] ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/48 "2018-04-23T17:36:46Z")
> [@Turpentine](#): > > I adopted a senior dog some 13 years ago. He had hip dysplasia and severe arthritis, yet he still loved to go on walks. He couldn’t run, he could only kind of shuffle along. > > But during our walks, I used to tell him that he was the fastest dog, wow, look at how fast you are! I can hardly keep up with you! > > I loved how he used to grin at me with sheer joy on his face whenever I praised him for being so fast. My husky is 12. His hips are so weak that he sometimes just collapses into a heap at random times. Nevertheless, he’s going to gallop as fast as he can whenever we’re on a walk. Sometimes I literally cannot keep up with him 😮 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/49 "2018-04-23T17:46:15Z")
The vet will probably give you about a million shots, with a very big needle. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/50 "2018-04-23T23:02:59Z")
I always told my dear departed cat Razzy that he was the stupidest cat in five counties. Actually, I never did any comparative testing in Cook County, never mind Lake, DuPage, or any of the surrounding areas. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/51 "2018-04-23T23:19:29Z")
I am required by some ‘cat’ law to tell my 2 Siamese how beautiful they are several times a day. They ARE beautiful, but sometimes I am peeved at their latest plot to drive me nuts that its hard to say so. I must do it or suffer contempt of Cat. ( the worst punishment, trust me ) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2018, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/52 "2018-04-23T23:26:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Tim R. Mortiss** : > > Yeah, dogs are like hackers that force you to change your password every few days to maintain security. At the moment, we are saying “Has he had his perambulation yet?” but I’m sure he’ll crack that code soon enough. My first dog knew about 70 different synonyms for “walk”. It was easy enough to avoid using any of them talking to him directly (if we wanted to take him out, we’d just do it), but he’d overhear us using any of those words to anyone else, too. We went through “walk”, “stroll”, “hike”, “perambulation”, “trek”, “constitutional”, spellings of those, you name it. Occasionally we’d slip back to an older one to see if he’d forgotten, but he never did. Perhaps fortunately, none of the dogs since then have been quite as smart. Although, that also has its drawbacks: With Bear, he’d come up to you and say “I want, I want, I want”, and you could ask him “What do you want?”, and he’d walk over to the door, or to his food dish, or get a toy, or whatever. With the dogs since him, they’ll come up and say “I want, I want, I want”, and if you ask them what they want, they’ll say “I want, I want, I want”. My mom’s current dog is named Brady, which is a very convenient name to sing to. “You’re once, twice, three times a Brady” “Hello, my Brady, hello, my puppy, hello, my ragtime dog” “B-b-b-Brady, beautiful Brady, you’re the one that I a-a-a-adore” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2018, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/53 "2018-04-24T01:08:10Z")
I don’t recall lying to a cat, the repercussions when they discovered the deception would be…dangerous. Telling a cat “You’re in charge”, on the other hand, would be equally dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2018, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/54 "2018-04-24T02:24:35Z")
IKR, you cannot win with cats. Oddly, they lie to me. They tell on the dogs nearly everyday. If I give treats early, they yowl at the top decibel to say they will starve to death in 3 minutes if they don’t get another. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2018, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/55 "2018-04-24T12:11:34Z")
“You’re a big help!” [Kenny Rogers] Brady…I’m your owner and pack leader and I love you… ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2018, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/56 "2018-04-25T01:14:26Z")
“You’ve had enough treats.” OK, not a lie but the absolute freakin’ truth. But His Hairiness, Noir Kitty, never believes me so it might as well be. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2018, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/57 "2018-04-25T02:33:05Z")
“I’ll feed you in just a minute” becomes 45 minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2018, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/58 "2018-04-25T03:34:38Z")
\*“Stop staring at my at my Cheetos, dog, you’re getting too fat!” “…what’s that? You say I’m getting too fat, too? OK buster, it’s off to the shelter for you!”\* (meanwhile, the slender cat grins in anticipation of becoming the apex household pet). ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2018, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/59 "2018-04-25T04:05:35Z")
“Come in here! I’m about to make some great smells!” The cats seem to enjoy it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Chisquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Chisquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chisquirrel)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2018, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745/60 "2018-04-25T07:31:15Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > It is unfortunately difficult to be absolutely truthful with Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup]. > > What I said: “Get in the car. We are not going to the dog park - we are taking you to the vet, and he is going to give you some shots.” > > What he heard: “Dog park”. > > What I said at the vet’s office: “Just get on the scale. It will not hurt.” > > What he heard: “The scale will hurt.” > > What I said: “The doctor will give you some shots, and then it is time to go home.” > > What he heard: “Time to go home.” > > What I said when we got home: “See? That wasn’t so bad. Next time don’t be such a wussy dog.” > > What he heard: “Treats!” > > Regards, > Shodan Strange…Vaya has that same selective hearing. Though seeing her walk into her crate when I said something about jail was rather hilarious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lies-you-tell-your-pets/812745.md?page=4)