# Life lessons learned the hard way
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 17, 2021, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104 "2021-03-17T17:39:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/21 "2021-03-18T04:43:09Z")
When toasting baguette slices on a non-stick crepe pan, remember to turn off the stove before taking the nice toast upstairs to the computer room.
Corollary 1: Try not to breathe vaporized Teflon.
Corollary 2: Always keep 3 or 4 extra crepe pans on hand.
Also:
When parking at the airport and in a hurry to catch your flight, and you lock and slam the door, do not hold the keys in your hand in such a way that the closing door will catch them and hurl them into the car.
---
### Author:  [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/22 "2021-03-18T07:41:30Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#):
>
> Before you sit down on the toilet, make sure your cell phone is not in your back pocket.
I am confused by this. Don’t you pull your pants down before you sit down on the toilet? If not, maybe you should start doing that.
---
### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/23 "2021-03-18T09:58:53Z")
Check your tire tread depth more often. And leave the electronic stability control ON.
---
### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/24 "2021-03-18T10:29:45Z")
If everyone in your family and all of your friends tell you the relationship is a bad idea, listen.
---
### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/25 "2021-03-18T12:44:33Z")
> [@Terminus\_Est](#):
>
> I am confused by this. Don’t you pull your pants down before you sit down on the toilet? If not, maybe you should start doing that.
Well, since you ask… possibly TMI follows
I don’t approach the toilet, stand still in a fully upright position with my back to the toilet, pull my pants all the way down to the floor, and then commence to bend my torso/legs so that my heinie can encounter the plumbing.
Mostly, all of that happens in one efficient fell swoop (as it were). I start to drop trou WHILE I’m bending and lowering my body, and [HERE’S THE KEY] if my back pants pocket is somewhat shallow and the pants I’m wearing are made of a slippery-ish fabric, the motion can push my cell phone up and close to _out_. It’s best just to remove cell phone from pocket before beginning this task.
Maybe if your phone is pretty small _(but phones are HUGE these days, aren’t they?)_, and your pants pockets are voluminous and of grippy material (as opposed to slippery material), then your cell phone might be anchored safely in there. That’s good. Not always the case. Large phone, smallish pockets, slippery fabric—\> conditions promoting a swim in the poop for your phone.
A girlfriend of mine was at some national park and used one of the latrine-bathrooms (not a portapotty), and her cell phone fell into The Pit. She got her husband to come over, he dialed her number, and sure enough, they could hear it ringing down in the depths. She got a new phone.
---
### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/26 "2021-03-18T14:09:53Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#):
>
> I don’t approach the toilet, stand still in a fully upright position with my back to the toilet, pull my pants all the way down to the floor, and then commence to bend my torso/legs so that my heinie can encounter the plumbing.
Japan is famous for its ass-washing sit-down toilets, but they also have fully plumbed squat toilets here and there. For using these, the correct practice is to lower pants completely to ankles before squatting. Foreigners sometimes get this wrong, and only lower their pants to their thighs; upon squatting, this inverts their pockets and empties phones, wallets and loose change into the toilet.
---
### Author:  [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/27 "2021-03-18T14:15:39Z")
> [@snowthx](#):
>
> Don’t scrape dried spaghetti noodles off the colander with your thumbnail.
Yeah, I learned that one too.
---
### Author:  [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/28 "2021-03-18T14:17:29Z")
Keep the money straight. ALWAYS.
---
### Author:  [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/29 "2021-03-18T14:17:50Z")
Right. So like I said, lower your pants _before_ sitting on the toilet. 😁
---
### Author:  [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/30 "2021-03-18T14:27:15Z")
Don’t tell a freshly evicted, mentally unstable friend she can stay with you until she finds a place.
---
### Author:  [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/31 "2021-03-18T17:09:52Z")
I get traffic alerts via text message. One that I had to screenshot, recently, during a recent ice/snow event, announced that an intersection was closed because two snowplows had gotten stuck.
---
### Author:  [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/32 "2021-03-18T17:12:28Z")
Make sure the lid is on the bottle before you shake it up to mix up the settled contents. Especially if you’re at work, had been sick the day before, and really needed the liquid.
Never trust a fart.
And not from _personal_ experience, but:
- Don’t post on social media if it’s something that there’s any real chance of biting you back (embarassing, illegal or just plain STOOPID). The Internet Is Forever.
- Don’t friend co-workers, or if you do, set your security so they don’t see everything you post.
- If you ignore that, and call in sick to work, don’t post later that day about what a great run you just took (true story. Contributed to the person getting fired, we think).
I’ve only had one “current coworker” as a friend on Facebook - a now-former boss. We were in a conference room together, the topic of FB came up, and she found me and sent me a friend request right there. It seemed imprudent to say “oh hells no”.
---
### Author:  [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/33 "2021-03-18T17:28:41Z")
Heh. I had my hip replaced last November. I decided to hire a ‘plow’ guy for my driveway since I was going to be out of action. I pulled him out with my truck 4 times (recovering hip and all). He did not call to renew the contract 😁
---
### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/34 "2021-03-18T18:18:17Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#):
>
> Don’t post on social media…
In my case, don’t participate in social media at all. That way I don’t have to remember who I said what to.
---
### Author:  [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/35 "2021-03-18T19:22:24Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#):
>
> If you ignore that, and call in sick to work, don’t post later that day about what a great run you just took (true story. Contributed to the person getting fired, we think).
Or, as I’ve seen, how wasted you got at the party last night.
---
### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/36 "2021-03-18T20:10:43Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#):
>
> People who explain to you how funny they are … aren’t. **The same goes for people who explicitly tell you they’re nice, trustworthy, etc.**
My former SMIL used to go on endlessly about how insightful, trustworthy, generous and compassionate she was. She could be those things, to be sure, but she made sure to be them very loudly, as if she was trying to convince herself. Later on when she divorced my FIL she became a psycho, vindictive, money - grubbing nightmare. Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone behave so badly during a divorce… And I’ve seen some nasty divorces.
* * *
If you see an ad for a product, and you didn’t know that product existed until you saw the ad, don’t buy it.
---
### Author:  [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/37 "2021-03-18T20:31:24Z")
If someone gives you something you want to keep that can be easily destroyed in the wash, like a business card for example, don’t put it in your shirt pocket.
If you wear suede leather work gloves to handle very hot things like bbq grills, make sure there’s not a gaping hole in the thumb area.
---
### Author:  [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/38 "2021-03-18T20:51:01Z")
If your soft boiled egg is underdone, microwaving it isn’t going to help.
> [@purplehorseshoe](#):
>
> People who explain to you how funny they are … aren’t.
- and people who say they have a great sense of humor and can take a joke … do not and cannot.
j
---
### Author:  [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/39 "2021-03-18T21:38:36Z")
> [@begbert2](#):
>
> If you’re an atheist, don’t date mormons.
Unless you are a Mormon, don’t date Mormons.
> [@hogarth](#):
>
> When using a sharp knife, cut towards your chum, not your thumb.
This be funny! I hope I remember it long enough to use it.
> [@aurora\_maire](#):
>
> Never walk through a dimly lit room when you have a black cat.
Or worse, an unmovable black dog.
> [@wolfpup](#):
>
> Corollary 1: Try not to breathe vaporized Teflon.
How’d that work out for you? Would we be able to tell if we met you? 🙂
> [@Cervaise](#):
>
> If everyone in your family and all of your friends tell you the relationship is a bad idea, listen.
If people ever listened to this, the world would be a much happier place. Alas.
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#):
>
> Don’t tell a freshly evicted, mentally unstable friend she can stay with you until she finds a place.
Thank god I missed this one.
Can’t think of one right now so I’ll go with Don’t tug on Superman’s cape
---
### Author:  [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104/40 "2021-03-18T21:41:59Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#):
>
> I know of several stories like this. Probably ought to make a general rule: don’t put stuff on the roof of your car.
Except your kayak. Just make sure your J-bars are properly set up first. 😉
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-learned-the-hard-way/938104.md?page=3)