# Life Lessons: What have you learned that you wish you knew when you were younger? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 17, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510 "2013-10-17T18:37:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![just\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@just\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/just_j)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/61 "2013-10-27T22:59:01Z")
No matter how well you think you know a person, you DO NOT know what they are thinking. Everybody has something going on that you don’t know about, and it is rarely about YOU. ---
**Author:** ![rsat3acr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@rsat3acr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsat3acr)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/62 "2013-10-27T23:16:35Z")
My mom had a cartoon up in her kitchen, it said “expecting life to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge because you are a vegitarian”. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/63 "2013-10-28T14:21:09Z")
The only people who need to know about your sex life is yourself, your current partner, and your doctor. It’s nobody else’s damn business. I could have saved myself a ton of teenage grief if I’d realized this beginning at age 12. Yes, at age 12 I was getting “peer pressure” to have sex. I finally lost my virginity at age 16 just to shut everybody the hell up. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/64 "2013-10-28T21:25:55Z")
-That I don’t actually _have_ to take shit from anybody. -That I should have bought a motorcycle much sooner. -That when you love someone, and they say they love you, you might not be 100% matchy matchy on what that means. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/65 "2013-10-29T02:45:13Z")
> [@just\_j](#): > > No matter how well you think you know a person, you DO NOT know what they are thinking. Everybody has something going on that you don’t know about, and it is rarely about YOU. On a somewhat-related note, it took me far too long to realize that the best way to figure out what is going on with someone else is to just frigging _ask_ them - attributing things to them without checking with them usually means you’re wrong. Maybe a little wrong, maybe a lot wrong, but you just never know why other people do the things they do or what they’re thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/66 "2013-10-29T09:11:35Z")
I learned a lot about women i wish i knew when i was younger. There a ton of investments i wish i made. Even the half-assed ones paid off. But, more times than not, i got bored of waiting for them to go up and dumped them to sellers for a fraction of the cost. Now im trying to act faster. The one i missed that still gets me is a 2 bedroom condo for $125k. That’s the lowest price for a condo in this area since the 70s. Today i could easily sell it for 400-500k. I wish i saved more money when i was younger. After high school, i was making a hundred a day after taxes, but i was spending that much as well. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/67 "2013-10-29T20:30:52Z")
Never loan more than you can afford to give away. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/68 "2013-10-29T20:43:31Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > I wish I’d learned sooner that there was no reason to obey my parents as a teenager. I would’ve had a lot more fun! Yah, this is a good one. Listening to them or not listening to them had exactly the same effect - they never trusted me and they never believed me. I wish someone had took me aside and said, “You’re only young once - this is it. Take some risks.” Mine is “It’s ok to be selfish and self-centered some of the time”. Too many people think you should just sacrifice all your life, for your parents, for your kids, for your family, for your job. No. Sometimes you sacrifice, and sometimes you live for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obnoxious_Hood_Ornament)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/69 "2013-10-29T20:50:16Z")
Human nature does not change. This is why oft-recommended tomes such as “The Wealth of Nations” are still relevant today. ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/70 "2013-10-29T21:47:48Z")
> [@Lowdown](#): > > … > -That I should have bought a motorcycle much sooner. > … This. Yes. I wish I had bought one about 10 years earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/71 "2013-10-30T04:59:00Z")
You don’t have to like your parents. Its entirely possible they are either wrong about you, or want to drag you down to their level. It’s ok to do things between HS and real life. Just because a guy is interested in you, you don’t have to fall in love with him. It’s ok to have standards. He won’t be the last guy who is ever interested. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/72 "2013-10-30T14:05:25Z")
I don’t agree that romantic love is BS. I do think, though, that it’s way harder work than it looks in the movies, and that as someone said, both people have to put in 75% of the relationship, and both people have to be willing to change and adapt. Here’s one that took me a distressingly long time to learn. No matter what, no matter how nice you are, there will always be someone who dislikes you and even hates you. No matter what kind of person you are, you can never make everyone like you. Gleena says another thing that is spot on - your parents might not be the greatest people in the world, and they really might not want the best for you. That can often be so much sanctimonious bullcrap. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/73 "2013-10-30T18:37:38Z")
> [@Seymour Guts](#): > > \ > > Here’s one that took me a distressingly long time to learn. No matter what, no matter how nice you are, there will always be someone who dislikes you and even hates you. No matter what kind of person you are, you can never make everyone like you. There doesn’t even have to be a reason for it - it can be for a stupid reason, or something you have no control over, or no reason at all. > [@](#): > > Gleena says another thing that is spot on - your parents might not be the greatest people in the world, and they really might not want the best for you. That can often be so much sanctimonious bullcrap. I heard once that no matter how crappy your parents were, they were probably doing the best they could. If you parents were severely damaged people, their best probably wasn’t very good, but very few people’s parents woke up in the morning and said, “How am I going to screw up my kid’s life today?” Think of how screwed up you are; now think of having kids looking at you and expecting you to do everything perfectly - hah! Good luck with that! ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2013, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/74 "2013-10-31T00:19:35Z")
> [@Zombie Whisperer](#): > > I heard once that no matter how crappy your parents were, they were probably doing the best they could. If you parents were severely damaged people, their best probably wasn’t very good, but very few people’s parents woke up in the morning and said, “How am I going to screw up my kid’s life today?” Think of how screwed up you are; now think of having kids looking at you and expecting you to do everything perfectly - hah! Good luck with that! I 100% don’t doubt that’s true. As a parent of a newly minted adult (he’s just turned 18) I made some horrible mistakes and did some awful things I wish I could take back. The difference is that I recognise that. Some parents don’t, or won’t, or are just too damaged to know that they are toxic. What I had to learn was, rather than spend time trying to please or placate them or trying to live my life to their impossible standards with shifting goal posts, it was ok to just stop. It was ok to call them on their behaviour, to set boundaries, to say that what they were doing was not ok, and if they didn’t stop to cut them out of my life. As a result I don’t communicate with my father, and my mother is on a strict schedule of four times a year phone calls and limited access to my Facebook, and she now, finally, understands that I can and I will cut all that off if she continues her destructive interactions with me. I could have saved myself two decades of heartache if I’d just learned that earlier in life. I have a right to be who I am, and I love my parents, but my parents - now that I’m an adult - don’t have a right to dictate to me how to live my life, what my values are, or how to raise my child. I was always happy to take advice, but they were actively damaging. That’s the long-winded version of what I was trying to convey. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/75 "2013-10-31T01:11:00Z")
Ah, I get what you’re saying - I was talking about why they do what they do, and you’re talking about how to live without them making you crazy on a daily basis. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/76 "2013-10-31T01:33:32Z")
> [@Zombie Whisperer](#): > > Ah, I get what you’re saying - I was talking about why they do what they do, and you’re talking about how to live without them making you crazy on a daily basis. 🙂 🙂 It’s a fairly recently learned lesson, so I’m all terribly earnest about it! ---
**Author:** ![sherrylynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@sherrylynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sherrylynn)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2013, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/77 "2013-11-01T20:45:19Z")
Totally agree about the Compound Interest - Also - When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I can’t believe how many excuses I have made for people when I should have just realized that they were jerks. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/78 "2013-11-02T07:20:17Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > It may not be my fault, but it’s still my responsibility. > > If I had recognized that a decade ago, college would have been a lot easier. I was very much in a ‘‘my childhood sucked therefore I am broken’’ mentality. I kept waiting for life to cut me a break, like it owed me something. I didn’t want to face the facts that like it or not, this was MY mess now, and I was the only one who could clean it up. > > Things turned around once I accepted the fact that life is not fair, and eventually I figured out that’s okay too, because sometimes life is unfair in my favor. Sometimes, here on the Dope, I feel like I’m in a support group—“Take what you need and leave the rest.” **Spice Weasel** , I think I’m about twice your age but you often say things that make me think, and learn. “It may not be my fault, but it’s still my responsibility.” hmmm…!!! Dammit. There are a few others who “help” me, too, but as of yet I’m too shy to let them know. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/79 "2013-11-02T10:19:21Z")
Don’t be a team player unless you’re the captain. But, let everybody think you’re a team player. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510/80 "2013-11-04T15:36:19Z")
Your coworkers are not your friends. You can get along with them on the job, but don’t expect any emotional friendship attachment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/life-lessons-what-have-you-learned-that-you-wish-you-knew-when-you-were-younger/671510.md?page=5)