# Light bulb joke thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 23, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009 "2005-12-23T20:42:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/21 "2005-12-23T23:26:47Z")
> [@bdgr](#): > > How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb? > > None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand… Um, the keyboard player plays bass with his left hand. That’s what makes the joke funny. 🙂 How many saxophone players? 5. 1 to change it and 4 to say how much better Charlie Parked could have done it. ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2005, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/22 "2005-12-23T23:27:28Z")
> [@bdgr](#): > > How many feminists does it to take to change a light bulb? > > Thats not funny. Or one to change the bulb, and three to sing folk songs about the changing of the bulb. How many lesbians does it take? _That’s not fucking funny, asshole_ How many skinheads? 7. One to hold the bulb, and 6 to drink until the house spins. How many Social Workers does it take to change a light bulb? Social workers don’t change anything. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/23 "2005-12-23T23:28:11Z")
How many pilots does it take to change out a lightbulb? One. The pilot holds onto the light bulb and the world revolves around him. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/24 "2005-12-23T23:42:27Z")
> [@NoCoolUserName](#): > > Um, the keyboard player plays bass with his left hand. That’s what makes the joke funny. 🙂 Actually…no. One has to have been a keyboard player in a cover band to truely understand…especially to have been a keyboard player in the 80’s. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/25 "2005-12-23T23:52:45Z")
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to call the repaiman and one to pour the Perrier. ---
**Author:** ![BooBoo316](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@BooBoo316](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BooBoo316)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/26 "2005-12-24T00:51:57Z")
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. Nine to assure the public that everything possible is being done about the light bulb situation while the tenth tries to screw the bulb into a water faucet. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/27 "2005-12-24T01:07:27Z")
My fave was from another thread here > [@Loneraven](#): > > How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? > > Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to hold the penis… sorry, ladder. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/28 "2005-12-24T01:48:45Z")
How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to screw it in, and the other two to hold down the author. How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s ride bikes! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/29 "2005-12-24T02:04:09Z")
> [@NoCoolUserName](#): > > How many saxophone players? > 5. 1 to change it and 4 to say how much better Charlie Parked could have done it. _Alternate answer:_ Only one, but he has to go through 4 boxes of bulbs to find one he likes. (Also told about clarinetists.) BTW, it was Charlie _Parker_ who played sax. Charlie Parked was a garage attendant. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/30 "2005-12-24T02:58:28Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb? > That’s not funny. Two. One to put in the lightbulb and the other to SUCK MY DICK! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/31 "2005-12-24T04:11:41Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > > Three. One to screw it in, and the other two to hold down the author. How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The last time you asked the question, it was about editors. Is this correct? ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/32 "2005-12-24T05:10:01Z")
How many gorillas do it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it takes a shitload of light bulbs. How many Zen masters does it take? One to change the bulb, and one to _not_ change the bulb. > [@marque elf](#): > > I’d heard this as: > How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Twelve. One to do the work and the rest to share the experience. How many Oregonians? Thirteen. One to change the bulb, and twelve to run off the Californians who came to share the experience. (Thanks to **Zyada** for these. Reading the thread to her sometimes involves typing as well, especially when she’s finishing a Christmas present for her mother.) ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/33 "2005-12-24T05:42:01Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > BTW, it was Charlie _Parker_ who played sax. Charlie Parked was a garage attendant. How many dislyxecik Dopers does it take to ch;nec a sightblie? One, you neiced up fniel nafkit. Dangit. Thank you **Doug**. ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/34 "2005-12-24T05:46:03Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > > The last time you asked the question, it was about editors. Is this correct? Excellent! Of course, I’m probably the only one here who got it. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/35 "2005-12-24T06:08:43Z")
How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb? One…plus or minus three. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/36 "2005-12-24T06:19:41Z")
(This one is about presentation) Q: How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb. A: One. Do you think they’re stupid? ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/37 "2005-12-24T08:10:23Z")
[Here’s another possibility](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=266628) [or two](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=120627). ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/38 "2005-12-24T11:38:19Z")
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Dachshund: I can’t reach the stupid lamp! Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me! Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch. Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there… Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle… Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/39 "2005-12-24T11:41:02Z")
Another, Minnesota -centric version: How many Minnesota college students does it take to change a light bulb? At Carleton, it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer. At Hamline, it takes three. One to change the bulb and two to phone a friend at St. John’s to get instructions. At Macalester, it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get high off the old one. At St. Mary’s, it takes five. One to change it and four to talk about how they would have done it in Chicago. At Gustavus, it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect “J. Crew” outfit to wear for the occasion. At Augsburg, it takes seven and each one gets four semester credit hours for it. At St. Thomas, it takes eight. One to change it and 7 to bitch about how they wouldn’t have gone to St. John’s/St. Ben’s even if they could have gotten in. At Concordia, it takes ten. One to figure out how to screw it in, nine to find an ugly enough lampshade to match their school colors. At St. Olaf, it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Carleton, and 50 who realize it’s all a lie. At Bethel, it takes none. They don’t screw. At St. John’s, it takes 3, one to change the light bulb and 2 to get behind him when he drops it and has to bend over. At St. Ben’s, it takes 4, one to change the light bulb and 3 to figure out how it will help them meet their future husband. At Mankato State University, it takes 1, but it takes him 6 years. At St. Cloud State University, “who gives a shit…let’s drink!” At Winona State University, it takes 3, if they’re lucky one of them has taken the course at Rochester Community College. At Moorhead State University, it takes 3, one to change it and 2 to crack under the pressure. At Bemidji State University, none, Bemidji doesn’t have electricity yet. At University of MN Duluth, the whole student body, there’s nothing else to do in Duluth on the weekends. At Universtiy of MN Morris, it takes 1, he just holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him. At the University of MN St Paul, none, down town St. Paul looks better in the dark. At the University of MN Twin Cities, Four…one to change the bulb, and three to write up a complaint to the Board of directors stating that they could have gone to a better school If they had wanted. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009/40 "2005-12-24T13:13:11Z")
> [@633squadron](#): > > Excellent! Of course, I’m probably the only one here who got it. Nah, I’m not in the industry, but I know enough about it to get the joke. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/light-bulb-joke-thread/337009.md?page=3)