# Lights on or off? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366 "2009-06-10T18:08:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DaphneBlack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daphneblack/32/5389_2.png) [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/1 "2009-06-10T18:08:56Z")
I’m 26, a straight female, and when engaging in sexual activity I generally prefer the lights be on – not necessarily bright flourescents or anything, but I like to see what’s goin’ on, if you know what I mean. From what I hear from guys, this attitude is unusual in women. On the other hand, most of the guys I’ve been intimate with have been pleasantly surprised when I mentioned I liked the lights on. One was not pleased at all, but was ‘OK’ with a dimmed light and thought I was really weird. I admit to being puzzled by this. What’s the point of not being able to see your partner during sex? So, what say you, Dopers? Lights on or off? Why, if you’ve thought about it? Please include for data purposes age, gender, sexual orientation. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/2 "2009-06-10T18:30:16Z")
Lights on. Married male 52. Just adds to the interaction on multiple levels. It makes my wife feel self-conscious sometimes, but only once or twice has she asked me to turn out the lights. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/3 "2009-06-10T18:54:26Z")
Doesn’t matter. I prefer to see what’s going on, but if things happen while we’re in a darkened room, I’m not going to interrupt to turn the lights on. 27, male, bi. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/4 "2009-06-10T18:56:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Doesn’t matter. I prefer to see what’s going on, but if things happen while we’re in a darkened room, I’m not going to interrupt to turn the lights on. Straight male, early 20s. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/5 "2009-06-10T19:04:09Z")
47 straight male, on. It’s OK if they’re off, but I like the visual stimulation. I’ve only been with one woman who insisted that the lights be off. She had some pretty serious body image issues. Needless to say, the entire encounter was kind of a drag. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/6 "2009-06-10T19:13:48Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Doesn’t matter. I prefer to see what’s going on, but if things happen while we’re in a darkened room, I’m not going to interrupt to turn the lights on. 29, male, straight ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/7 "2009-06-10T19:30:09Z")
While I generally prefer lights on, if it’s a middle of the night kind of thing, I’m not going to turn on the lights and ruin the mood and the sleep/sexy thing. female, 40s ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/8 "2009-06-10T20:07:59Z")
Dimmer switch \> all. A little bit of soft light is preferable, but I certainly wouldn’t want to under bright, harsh lights. Hell I don’t like being under bright lights ever. (23/m/mostly straight) ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/9 "2009-06-10T20:10:00Z")
40, male, straight, don’t care. My girlfriend and I have done it in every lighting level except direct sunlight. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/10 "2009-06-10T20:10:57Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > 40, male, straight, don’t care. My girlfriend and I have done it in every lighting level except direct sunlight. Looks like you have something to add to the list. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/11 "2009-06-10T20:12:56Z")
Lights definitely on, unless it’s some sort of game. Female, 41, single, straight. ---
**Author:** ![RedRosesForMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/12 "2009-06-10T20:15:16Z")
Either way is fine. If the lights are on, I won’t turn them off, and vice versa. Sometimes it does make me a bit self-conscious if it’s early on in the relationship, but I like to see what I’m doing. Although sometimes the groping in the dark, what is my partner going to do next? aura of mystery is nice too. My self-conscious hang up is being on top. If it’s our first time together, I’ll probably want to be on the bottom unless I’m feeling very comfortable about my body. ETA: 27, straight, female. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/13 "2009-06-10T20:15:48Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Looks like you have something to add to the list. I’m actually a little worried about it. My schmeckle’s never seen the sun. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/14 "2009-06-10T20:19:13Z")
On but dim, although being unable to see due to a blindfold has its own reward. In my experience, women who aren’t comfortable with their bodies prefer the lights off\*, or at least all action to take place under the covers. \*Yes, this is a generalization. I haven’t had sexual relations with every woman so I can’t be more specific. ETA: straight male, 42, married. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/15 "2009-06-10T20:48:39Z")
I’ve never given it any thought, so I guess that means I don’t care if lights are on. If you don’t like having the lights on, does that mean you never have sex while the sun’s up? Or that you blindfold your partner? Or that you have to invest in really thick curtains? Female, 40. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/16 "2009-06-10T21:13:53Z")
_trying to remember_ I like to see the woman I’m with. Lights on. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/17 "2009-06-10T21:44:04Z")
Table lamp or candles provide enough light for me. I like to be able to look into my partner’s eyes, or see an expression of enjoyment on his face. What I don’t like is lights bright enough that I can see every scar and bruise that I have - 'cause if I can see 'em he can see 'em. He loves me for me and would never say anything but I’d still feel self-conscious which makes it hard to relax and really be in the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/18 "2009-06-10T21:47:54Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > _trying to remember_ > > I like to see the woman I’m with. Lights on. Is “lights on” a must? If so, why? There’s discussion to be had here ya know. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/19 "2009-06-10T21:58:54Z")
How are defining lights? Regular room lights? **Nay! Nein!** A softer mood light? Youbetcha! When I was married, my wife and I both liked music to be on. The CD player is the bedroom gave off a beautiful soft blue light, and everything was wonderfully visable. Male, 44, currently unattached. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366/20 "2009-06-10T22:04:49Z")
Either is good, but I prefer SOME lighting (candlelight, dim, preferably, not due to any body issues but hell, EVERYTHING looks better in candlelight as opposed to say, broad daylight or flouresants :p). There is a definate aspect of stimulation from visuals involved, even for us females. So both can see what they are doing/what is being done:cool: Oh yeah: female, straight. But in the dark is nice, too, and as was said, not gonna interupt anything to light candles:D [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lights-on-or-off/499366.md?page=2)