# Like elephants? Need a job? Want to live in a warm climate? Then good news... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 20, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192 "2009-03-20T17:28:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/1 "2009-03-20T17:28:50Z")
I don’t know why this amuses me so but it does and it’s definitely mundane and pointless. I live in Montgomery, capital city of a state so deep in proration that girls have to supply their own sanitary napkins in public schools and hiring freezes are pretty much everywhere, but one of the jobs on the City/County listings is for something that Montgomery is just crawling (or thundering) with qualified personnel for: [Full Advertisement](http://www.montgomeryal.gov/personnel/openingspdf.asp?ID=144) I underlined some of my favorite bits and pieces are underlined. > [@](#): > > \*\*ZOOKEEPER I (ELEPHANT) \*\*08CI7552-E > $23,267 - $33,122 10/09/08 > > **NATURE OF WORK:** The fundamental reason that this classification exists is to provide animal care to the elephants > housed in the Montgomery Zoo. Major work functions include observing elephant collections and exhibits, maintaining > elephant exhibits, performing building and grounds maintenance, feeding elephants, and communicating with others. > > … > > **MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS:** High school diploma or G.E.D. and 1,000 hours or 6 months of professional > experience working with elephants within the last five years, or an equivalent combination of education and experience. > Preference will be given to those applicants who have obtained their experience in a zoo or circus setting. > > \*\*SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS/WORKING CONDITIONS: \*\*Must be able to tolerate working under difficult conditions to include extreme heat and cold and deadlines as needed to care for elephants and maintain exhibits. Must be able to stoop, climb, walk, run and crawl. The reason I’m posting this here is that I’m guessing the city hasn’t gotten deluged with qualified applicants (I’ve got 6 months experience working with elephants in a circus setting of course but it was 5 _and a half_ years ago, dang it) and crazier things have happened: perhaps there’s some Doper who has a brother-in-law who’s just been sitting around the house depressed and listless ever since Armando had to go answer those questions about the talking chimp he raised and subsequently vanished, and til now said brother-in-law didn’t think that he’d find a job handling elephants in this recession, and I’ll have made some dreams come true. So if you know anyone who’s got the qualifications and needs work, tell 'em about the ad. But remember that if their experience came from Honest Thuy Langtosak’s EZ Kredit Used Elephant Sales then the guy from the Cirque du Utica may beat them out. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/2 "2009-03-20T17:51:07Z")
I’ve read _Water for Elephants_. I think I’ll apply. ETA: Deadlines? There are _deadlines_ in the pachyderm biz? I’ll just stay being an editor. No deadlines here. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/3 "2009-03-20T18:00:39Z")
Good luck, Sampiro. Ever been to [Riddle’s](http://www.elephantsanctuary.org/default2.asp)? ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/4 "2009-03-20T18:15:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Must be able to tolerate working under difficult conditions to include extreme heat and cold and deadlines as needed to care for elephants and maintain exhibits. Must be able to stoop, climb, walk, run and crawl. Is the requirement for running, supposed to cover the situation where th elephant is getting very angry? I don’t think anyone would need to tell me it’s time to run ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/5 "2009-03-20T19:12:49Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > Is the requirement for running, supposed to cover the situation where th elephant is getting very angry? Or just not watching where she is going. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/6 "2009-03-20T19:32:52Z")
This thread isn’t pointless enough, so I need to ask about this: > [@Sampiro](#): > > I live in Montgomery, capital city of a state so deep in proration that girls have to supply their own sanitary napkins in public schools Is this a change? I’ve never heard of schools providing any. At best, some schools stock a machine to allow you to buy them. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/7 "2009-03-20T19:37:11Z")
Hmmm… a thread with sanitary napkins _and_ elephants in it. I suppose it was only a matter of time. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/8 "2009-03-20T19:37:46Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Hmmm… a thread with sanitary napkins _and_ elephants in it. I suppose it was only a matter of time. I shouldn’t, but I think I must: Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon? A: A sheep! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/9 "2009-03-20T19:38:02Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > This thread isn’t pointless enough, so I need to ask about this: Is this a change? I’ve never heard of schools providing any. At best, some schools stock a machine to allow you to buy them. That’s Montgomery as well, except the machines are stocked with napkins brought in by the students. At the beginning of each school year parents are given lists of things to supply and the lists are embarassing: napkins (sanitary and lunchroom variety), pencils/pens/paper (for the school, not the student), paper towels, cleaning supplies, etc., because our education budget is that strapped. I knew one teacher who was rejected when she requested coathangers due strictly to budgetary reasons (she bought them herself- a dozen for a dollar or whatever- so students could hang their heavy coats in winter). > [@Marley23](#): > > I shouldn’t, but I think I must: > > Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon? > A: A sheep! That’s just baaaaaaaaaaad. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/10 "2009-03-20T19:44:54Z")
The posted position isn’t without some [risk.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65u8yWr7K90) I think it’s important you also have a co-worker that can maintain a clear line of thought in stressful situations… and that wears grippy shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/11 "2009-03-20T20:23:43Z")
Nothing surprising about a demand for trained elephant keepers. Those elephants don’t take care of themselves. Actually I guess they do, technically. But it’s probably not a good idea in Alabama. I suspect it may be the “must be able to run” qualification that’s keeping applicants away. That sort of caveat really doesn’t inspire confidence that the Montgomery Zoo is running their elephant facility on a truly professional level. It also raises the question of what happened to the elephant keeper who previously occupied that position. Elephants are marvelously intelligent creatures, which no doubt has its advantages and disadvantages. Elephant keeping is hellaciously dangerous by all accounts, but it probably has its rewarding aspects as well. Plus, it entitles you to put “mahout” on your résumé, and who wouldn’t want that? It’s worth it just to have an excuse to say it. Mahout! Mahout! Fun fact: a full-grown elephant produces roughly 200 pounds of dung per day. ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/12 "2009-03-20T20:27:34Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I shouldn’t, but I think I must: > > Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon? > A: A sheep! More to the point: > [@](#): > > Q: How do you know your elephant is on her period > > A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is gone. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/13 "2009-03-20T20:32:56Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon? The birth canal of an elephant is so long that the umbilical cord breaks about half way along. I suppose that’s a good lesson for the calf in “Life Sucks”, but it must be a rough trip out. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/14 "2009-03-20T21:02:47Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] Fun fact: a full-grown elephant produces roughly 200 pounds of dung per day. [/QUOTE] Most amazing is that’s not including their own. Another fun elephant act: elephants are closely related to dugongs and manatees, but one of their closest living relatives among land animals is the [hyrax](http://images.google.com/images?q=hyrax&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&oe=UTF-8&startIndex=&startPage=1&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi), an animal that rarely weighs more than 10 lbs.. ---
**Author:** ![Damfino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Damfino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damfino)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/15 "2009-03-21T11:45:49Z")
_Preference will be given to those applicants who have gained their experience in a zoo or circus setting_. Tarzan need not apply. ---
**Author:** ![czarcaztic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@czarcaztic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/czarcaztic)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/16 "2009-03-21T14:58:48Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Or just not watching where she is going. 🙂 …or sitting. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2009, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/17 "2009-03-21T15:06:20Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > The posted position isn’t without some risk. [You’re not kidding](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/5005019/20-ridiculous-complaints-made-by-holidaymakers.html)! > [@](#): > > A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/18 "2009-03-22T02:25:34Z")
I see the job requirements don’t include shoveling. Without that, the running could be problematic. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2009, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/19 "2009-03-22T04:49:27Z")
Well, how many people are going to assume that an elephant keeper’s job _doesn’t_ involve shoveling shit? ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192/20 "2009-03-22T23:49:51Z")
What kind of zoo is Montgomery running? You need those kind of qualifications just to _volunteer_ at the L.A. Zoo. To actually get paid, you need a graduate degree. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-elephants-need-a-job-want-to-live-in-a-warm-climate-then-good-news/490192.md?page=2)