# Like Fantasy Novels?  A New Idea: Frodma '03

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [January 13, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301 "2003-01-13T15:13:31Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\
**Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301/61 "2003-02-02T01:01:09Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by RickJay \*\*\*5. The dramatis personae of a FRODMA 2003 novel shall never include any of the following characters:
> 
> - A young, plucky girl who can talk to wolves, dolphins, dragons, eagles, or any other animal frequently found on airbrushed sweatshirts
> - Any character who is so obviously a ripoff of Gandalf it makes you want to barf, like, say, “Polgara the Sorceress”
> - An intelligent horse, dog, dragon, or dolphin.
> - An intelligent sword
> - A rakish but good-hearted thief/bandit
> - A cowardly and/or incompetent young apprentice wizard whose spells backfire to hilarious effect
> - A cynical older warrior who reveals that he has a heart of gold in the last act
> - The plucky young country lass/lad whose naive innocence stands in sharp contrast to the corruption of the big city.
> - The lascivious cleric who enjoys wine, women, and song more than his vocation.
> - A blind character with a “Second sight.”  
> \*\*

-The spoiled, arrogant princess or rich girl who gets her just desserts at the end.

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**Author:** ![Shemem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Shemem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shemem)\
**Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301/62 "2003-02-02T02:32:02Z")

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This may be on the already-referenced Evil Overlord List, but I think it’s important enough to make specific mention of:

The Evil Minions who have spent their entire lives in combat training, perhaps even having been bred for battle, will not collapse like so many ants sprayed with soapy water when they outnumber the heroes 10 to 1.

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**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\
**Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301/63 "2003-02-02T06:10:00Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ITR champion \*  
> \*\*39: At no point will any villain spend any non-trivial amount of time describing what they will do to any good character after they have captured that character. \*\*

39A: At no point will any villain express a desire to see anybody “squirm”.

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**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\
**Post date:** [February 2, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-fantasy-novels-a-new-idea-frodma-03/148301/64 "2003-02-02T18:07:34Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ITR champion \*  
> \*\*14B: Neither the name of the primary villain nor the name of any secondary villain will contain any of the following syllables: “arch”, “baal”, “dark”, “deth”, “mort”, “nass”, “sar”/“saur”. \*\*

“I am Saur-Baal, Sweet Seductive Lord Of Darkness.”

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