# Like limericks? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 10, 2008, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022 "2008-02-10T10:24:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/1 "2008-02-10T10:24:27Z")
The guy behind the webcomic xkcd has set up a [bash.org](http://bash.org) clone for limericks. Seems to have already gotten a good mix of “old classics” and extremely creative new ones. Check it out at [www.limerickdb.com](http://www.limerickdb.com) One of my favorites so far is: ```auto Rob, an odd fellow, designs Poems of equal-length lines And he limericks with flair As his forethought and care Ensure a word count of 3 9s ``` ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/2 "2008-02-10T12:51:26Z")
I love them! My particular favorite is clean and well suited for this board: There was a young lady of Wight Whose speed was much faster than light She set out one day In an Einsteinian way And returned on the previous night. Note: “relative” can be substituted for “Einsteinian” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/3 "2008-02-10T13:36:14Z")
There once was an insect that died From feelings that he kept inside. With no way to win, He did himself in By committing insecticide. The tenant in 344 Won’t pee in the pool anymore. Sounds silly to some, But not when it’s from His balcony on the third floor! There once was a soldier named Fisk Who said, when the fighting got brisk, “I’m sorry to say That I can not stay – I’ve got only one \*” And here’s one with a little “chemistry”: Magnesium, helium, lithium, Potassium, calcium, sodium, Neon, argon, Xenon, krypton, Beryllium, barium, cesium. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/4 "2008-02-10T13:46:45Z")
As a beauty I’m not a great star There are others more lovely by far But my face, I don’t mind it For I am behind it It’s the people in front that I jar. ---
**Author:** ![Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olive_The_Other_Reindeer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/5 "2008-02-10T13:55:23Z")
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket His daughter named Nan Ran away with a man And as for the bucket, Nantuckit Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket (The man and the girl with the bucket) And he said to the man, “You’re welcome to Nan,” But as for the bucket, Pawtucket Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset Where he still held the cash as an asset And Nan and the man tole the money and ran And as for the bucket, Manhasset ---
**Author:** ![Galwegian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galwegian/32/3426_2.png) [@Galwegian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galwegian)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/6 "2008-02-10T13:55:48Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] There once was a soldier named Fisk Who said, when the fighting got brisk, “I’m sorry to say That I can not stay – I’ve got only one \*” [/QUOTE] I must be getting dumber as I get older, and I’m almost scared to ask… What is it that Fisk has only got one of? ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/7 "2008-02-10T13:59:04Z")
It may be your getting blinder, not dumber, depending on your monitor. Fisk only has one asterisk (\*). ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/8 "2008-02-10T18:21:28Z")
[QUOTE=Galwegian] I must be getting dumber as I get older, and I’m almost scared to ask… What is it that Fisk has only got one of? [/QUOTE] One asterisk. (One ass to risk.) It was probably the quotation mark that made it difficult to distinguish. My bad. I should have set it off more. There once was a soldier named Fisk Who said, when the fighting got brisk, "I’m sorry to say That I can not stay – I’ve got only one \*\*\*\*\* " ---
**Author:** ![Surok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Surok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surok)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/9 "2008-02-10T18:26:05Z")
Without entering into the asterisk discussion… A creature of charm is the gerbil Its diet’s exclusively herbal It browses all day On great bunches of hay And farts with a delicate burble ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/10 "2008-02-10T19:53:52Z")
I seem to recall a good number of sheep-related limericks on this board. Where were those posted again? ---
**Author:** ![Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alive_At_Both_Ends)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/11 "2008-02-10T20:04:33Z")
There was a young man of Dunoon Who always ate soup with a fork. For he said “As I eat Neither fish, fowl, nor flesh, I should otherwise finish too quick.” ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/12 "2008-02-10T20:23:35Z")
A sage columnist name of Cecil Once lectured a crowd by his easel Some kid asked him why So few words end with “gry”? Adams said “'Cause your clan’s interspecial!” ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/13 "2008-02-11T01:02:27Z")
When I asked the genius whose work follows whether I should credit him when I quoted it, he said “Hell, no.” So I won’t. 😉 . [ahem] A needle-dicked freak ran amuck Tried to bugger a canvasback duck His needle got stuck And he cried “whatthefuck Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck?” ---
**Author:** ![SharkB8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/977dab/32.png) [@SharkB8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SharkB8)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/14 "2008-02-11T01:04:55Z")
To quote the Simpsons: “There once was a man named Enos…” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/15 "2008-02-11T03:00:29Z")
My all-time favorite, found on a bathroom wall at UCSD: There once was a pirate named Yates Who danced the fandango on skates He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And totally useless on dates. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/16 "2008-02-11T04:05:58Z")
Now that the Rubicon of dirtiness has been crossed: From a bathroom stall at the University of Virginia; My back aches, my penis is sore I simply can’t fuck anymore I’m covered with sweat And you haven’t come yet And my God it’s a quarter to four! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/17 "2008-02-11T13:47:40Z")
Speaking of Fisk: There once was a fellow named Fisk Whose deuling was exceedingly brisk So fast was his action The Fitzgerald Contraction Reduced his rapier to a disk. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/18 "2008-02-11T14:39:44Z")
There was a young plumber named Lee Who was plumbing a girl by the sea Said the girl “Cease your plumbing, I think someone’s coming!” Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me!” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/19 "2008-02-11T14:49:53Z")
There was a young girl from Ryde Who ate a green apple and died The apple fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside her insides There once was a chap from Japan Whose limericks never would scan When he was asked why He’d always reply “It’s because I like to try and put as many words into the last line as I possibly can.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2008, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022/20 "2008-02-11T15:17:02Z")
There once was a sailor from Brighton Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one!” She said, “'Pon my soul, You’re in the wrong hole And there’s plenty of room in the right one!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/like-limericks/437022.md?page=2)