# Limericks 3 -- For Spiderwoman **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335 "2000-10-02T13:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/1 "2000-10-02T13:52:29Z")
A carrot, a radish, or beet, Vegetarians think are quite neat, But if eating a cow, is sinful somehow, They wouldn’t be made out of meat! The perfect steak has no compare, And is quite easy to prepare, Carve in the sun, the cooking’s done, A well-done steak is truly rare! ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/2 "2000-10-02T14:42:30Z")
Vegetarians: far too uptight. Over my porkchop their willing to fight? They refuse to eat beef in mistaken belief it makes them morally upright. ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/3 "2000-10-02T15:40:14Z")
This isn’t mine, nor is it a limerick…but it seemed appropriate: The Reluctant Cannibal by Flanders & Swann. Seated one day at the Tom-tom, I heard a welcome shout from the kitchens: Come and get it! Roast leg of insurance salesman. A chorus of 'yum’s ran round the table. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum… Except for June, who pushed away his shell, Got up from his log, and said ‘I don’t want any part of it’. What? Why not? I don’t eat people, Eh? I won’t eat people, Huh? I don’t eat people, I must be going deaf. Eating people is wrong. It’s wrong? Don’t eat people, Have you gone clean out of your mind? I won’t eat people, What’s the matter with the lad? Don’t eat people, He keeps on repeating, Eating people is bad. But people have always eaten people, What else is there to eat? If the Jou-Jou had meant us not to eat people, He wouldn’t have made us of meat. Don’t eat people, Oh no, not again. I won’t eat people, All the day long, Don’t eat people, He keeps on repeating, Eating people is wrong. Well, I’ve never heard of a more ridiculous idea in all my born days. To think that a son of mine should grow up to be a sissy… Me, chief assistant to the assistant chief. I suppose you realise, son, that if this gets around we may never get self-government. I won’t eat people! Have you been talking to one of your Mothers again? You’re not getting to be one of these cranks that thinks that eating people is cruel, are you, you see a man sitting in a pot and think he’s suffering? Oh, it’s not like that at all. Why, he’s just had an invigorating chase through the forest. He’s sitting there in the nice warm water, with all the carrots and dumplings and things, he’s thinking ‘Oh, the pleasure and happiness I’m going to give to a whole heap of people’, that man in the pot there, he enjoys it. Eating people is wrong! Look, son, I admine your sincerity, always be sincere, whether you mean it or not. You’re young, when you’re young, you think you can change the whole world overnight, even eating people, I know, I’ve been young myself. Take it from your old dad, you’ve just got to learn to take the world as it is. I won’t let another man pass my lips! I know why you say ‘Don’t eat people’, because you are a coward, Francis, that’s your trouble, yes, a yellow-livered coward. You wouldn’t mind eating people if you weren’t afraid of ending up in the pot yourself. Go on like this and you’re liable to get me into hot water. I won’t eat people! That’s enough! I don’t eat people! I don’t want to… Eating people is wrong! Communist! Going around saying 'don’t eat people, that’s the way to make people hate you! We always have eaten people, always will eat people, you can’t change human nature. I won’t eat people! I don’t eat people! I won’t eat people! I don’t eat people! I won’t eat people! I don’t eat people! I won’t eat people! I don’t eat people! It must be someone he ate. Eating people is out! I give up. You used to be a regular anthropothercary. If this crazy idealistic idea of your was to catch on, I just don’t know where we would all be. It would just about ruin our entire internal economy. Fortunately, I suppose it catching on isn’t very likely. Why, you might just as well go around saying ‘don’t fight people’, for example? Don’t fight people? Ha Ha! Oh, that’s my boy. Ridiculous! ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/4 "2000-10-02T16:54:52Z")
There once was a veggie with Pride Who pushed other thinking aside And said I will not Cook beef in the pot Here’s to ya! Leaves more for my side! To take out the meat from a dish, No chicken, no beef and no fish Is no big endeavor It’s not all that cleaver Just eat what is normally garnish! There once was a Spider who knew That with meat she would never make stew But I ask, quite surprised When did you realize That the fly is a vegetable too? OK, that’s the jokes (and there’s more) But to tell you the truth, I adore Those who stick to their guns Regardless of puns And the rude ones? We’ll show them the door ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/5 "2000-10-02T17:06:36Z")
Vegetarians do like to shout: “Ending suffering’s what it’s about” But who really knows who has the worse of death throes The beast or that of the sprout? ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/6 "2000-10-02T18:08:59Z")
There once was a cannibal lad Who felt bad for the people he’d had ‘No more flesh’ he announced And pn carrots he pounced To the total shagrin of his dad (Thanks Fierra, that was cute) ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/7 "2000-10-02T18:13:54Z")
The Redskins, they went out to play, Against the good defense of Tampa Bay, Deion looked fine, Finally hit “Prime Time,” And the burgundy and gold carried the day. GO SKINS! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/8 "2000-10-02T18:30:57Z")
Each to his own, so they say. If you want meat, have it your way. But if flora I wanna eat instead of fauna, that also should be okay. -----😛 —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/9 "2000-10-02T18:49:29Z")
Seeing purple made poor Lions blue, though they roared and they pounced, it is true. The lion-taming Vikings were much to my liking On the Fox network television view. Moss passed 3000 career yards He and Smith evaded Lions guards. And Anderson kicked one. When all’s said and done, To beat the Vikings was too hard. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/10 "2000-10-02T18:55:54Z")
Coming back from the weekend I found the old limerick thread’s run aground. This new rhymin’ thread was started instead: veggie lovers (and others) abound. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/11 "2000-10-02T19:59:30Z")
This fan offers quite giddily, The Purple are now one of three, Pro teams that have not, suffered a blot, And all due to a fine rookie. With sadness I now must proclaim, The Tampa Bay Bucs look the same, As teams of years past, that were sorely out-classed, They certaily aren’t “Hall of Fame”. My weekend TV was massive, As if I had been held a captive, Because TV Land, had programming grand, I watched non-stop “The Fugitive”. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/12 "2000-10-02T20:16:15Z")
What a meandering path I do find, when this thread I do visit each time. Something went wrong! The initial subject’s long gone. And now football and veggies intertwine? ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/13 "2000-10-02T20:36:52Z")
Dear **Inky** , don’t fret o’er the rhyme The first subject really was fine. But the weekend has passed (Can’t say I had a blast) And now it is pro football time! My poor team was caught unawares! Their struggles I viewed with blank stares. Their offense was slow, Their defense a no-show. And they lost to the sad winless Bears. There once was a cheeseheaded guy. For the Packers his hopes were sky high. He expected the season To be rather pleasin’ But instead watched his playoff dreams die. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/14 "2000-10-02T22:06:59Z")
Poor Bottle, here, have a smoke Though I know to you this is no joke My team did fair better Seems they all came together Even without the star-slammin’ bloke Now the Niners are 3 loss, 2 wins And the fans are all wearin’ big grins But just a few years ago After this kind of show We call for the head, and the twins! ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/15 "2000-10-03T14:31:26Z")
It’s strange how opinion does sway High expectations have all gone away. For a team once so great Last year goes 8 and 8 And the coach is kicked out of Green Bay. Now the fans, though still true, do agree That a Superbowl simply won’t be. Now it’s back to the days When the bumbling plays Remind us of Lindy Infante. But as a true fan I still cheer! I won’t waver, won’t boo, and won’t jeer. But with each bad Favre pass I’ll fill up my glass And cry salty tears in my beer. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/16 "2000-10-04T03:05:57Z")
Trees turn to orange, yellow and red, or wear purple or brown instead. In this season of frost all the flowers are lost except those trees display on their heads. ---
**Author:** ![Mirth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Mirth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirth)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/17 "2000-10-04T06:02:47Z")
Last week the temp dropped to sixty We all said, “Hurray, this is spiffy!” I wore a sweater to work They had cocoa-- a perk! But it all went away in a jiffy. Now its nineties all week Chance of rain is so bleak That we’d have a good cry 'Cept the weather’s so dry Wasting water elicits critique. ---
**Author:** ![BrothaTJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@BrothaTJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrothaTJ)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/18 "2000-10-04T07:22:35Z")
I’m writing this limerick in class In hopes that the time I will pass. The professor is boring, The kid next to me’s snoring, And the students are leaving en masse. The curves on the tests are not steep And the subject matter’s too deep. I came into college To fill up with knowledge But instead only learned how to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![BrothaTJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@BrothaTJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrothaTJ)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/19 "2000-10-04T07:28:31Z")
My Bears sure took care of your Packers (Whose defense could use more linebackers) Our hero McNown Caused the Cheeseheads to frown And appear like a bunch of poor slackers. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335/20 "2000-10-04T10:41:08Z")
-----:)h\* joy! Says the spider this morning —////\\ More versers this thread are adorning! There’s Mirth’s mirthful rhyme And BrothaTJ two times, but this hobby’s addicting, I’m warning. [Thanks to you, Sweet Sue, for the idea\* credit is due.] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-3-for-spiderwoman/35335.md?page=2)