# Limericks anyone? (NSFW) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 18, 2009, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408 "2009-07-18T03:40:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/21 "2009-07-18T21:28:38Z")
While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder. Her position to Titian Suggested coition, So he went up the ladder and had 'er. The young things who frequent picture palaces Have no need for such psychoanalyses. And though Dr. Freud Would be very annoyed, They still cling to their long-standing fallacies. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/22 "2009-07-19T15:29:33Z")
I have just made this up and am proud of it: A Catholic virgin from Tuam, Let me stick it within her bazoom, And her mouth, and her ear, And her arse; but I fear I shall never get close to her womb. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/23 "2009-07-19T16:16:23Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I have just made this up and am proud of it: > > A Catholic virgin from Tuam, > Let me stick it within her bazoom, > And her mouth, and her ear, > And her arse; but I fear > I shall never get close to her womb. Excellent, but change Tuam to Khartoum for better scansion/rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/24 "2009-07-19T17:29:26Z")
“Masturbation,” said the good Doctor Freud, “Is a very good thing to avoid. If practiced each day Your balls will decay To the size of a small adenoid.” There once was a man from Brewster Who said to his wife as he goosed her: “That used to be grand, But just look at my hand - You ain’t wiping as clean as you used to.” A young catholic man from Peru was vainly attempting to screw; his wife said “Jaime, If you keep on this way, The Messiah will come before you.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/25 "2009-07-19T21:32:42Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > Excellent, but change Tuam to Khartoum for better scansion/rhyme. That would fuck the scansion completely up, though. “Kartoum” has one too many syllables. Pluss, Tuam is in Ireland, which is part of the joke. (Tuam has one syllable and is pronounced “Tyoom”.) ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/26 "2009-07-20T01:53:40Z")
A suggestion from good user, “ **Oy!** ”, With a rhyme he would see \*\*jjimm \*\*employ. But \*\*jjimm \*\*said with a chide, “Your correction’s denied, For your word is too hard to deploy.” ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/27 "2009-07-20T02:22:36Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > That would fuck the scansion completely up, though. “Kartoum” has one too many syllables. Pluss, Tuam is in Ireland, which is part of the joke. (Tuam has one syllable and is pronounced “Tyoom”.) Hmm, I pronounce Khartoum as karTOOM (perhaps incorrectly. :eek:). I think you can use an unaccented syllable there. Didn’t know Tuam was in Ireland, though, or that it was pronounced Tyoom. Actually, I’d probably have said “A Catholic girl from Khartoum” so that the pattern would go: a CATH-o-lic GIRL from kar-TOOM or di-DAH-di-di-DAH-di-di-DOOM but that may not have been what you were going for. Sorry, I regretted even mentioning it five minutes after I made that post, and now I’ve utterly run it into the ground. Nevermind. :smack: Good one, **Dragwyr**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/28 "2009-07-20T13:37:43Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > Actually, I’d probably have said “A Catholic girl from Khartoum” That definitely scans, but you’re unlikely to find many Catholic girls in Khartoum - hence my choosing an Irish town. Y’see. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/29 "2009-07-20T13:56:31Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > That definitely scans, but you’re unlikely to find many Catholic girls in Khartoum - hence my choosing an Irish town. Y’see. 😃 Uh, maybe its being unusual in Khartoum is what makes it worth mentioning she’s Catholic? Other than that, I got nuthin’. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/30 "2009-07-20T14:04:15Z")
Actually, my scansion was based on pronouncing “Catholic” as “CATH-uh-lick” - is that the same where you are? (The whole thing is based on a friend of mine from Dublin who went to bed with a guy and complained the next day “He kept trying to have sex with me! I gave him a blow job to shut him up but it didn’t work.”) ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/31 "2009-07-20T15:54:51Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Actually, my scansion was based on pronouncing “Catholic” as “CATH-uh-lick” - is that the same where you are? As I showed in post #27, yes. It’s a clever limerick. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/32 "2009-07-20T16:00:03Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > As I showed in post #27, yes. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/33 "2009-07-20T16:57:05Z")
There once was a young man from Halls Who had hope, one day, to lick his balls His father said “Son, Be sure when you’re done. Don’t clean up with your mother’s shawls.” I don’t like the last line but it’s the best I could do. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/34 "2009-07-20T17:16:00Z")
What began as a nicely perverse discussion of quite filthy verse became banal banter regarding pentameter This thread’s dead - someone bring in the hearse! ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/35 "2009-07-20T20:19:58Z")
There once was a man from Chanute Who had warts all over his root He poured acid on these And now when he pees He fingers himself like a flute ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/36 "2009-07-21T12:55:20Z")
> [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](#): > > What began as a nicely perverse > discussion of quite filthy verse > became banal banter > regarding pentameter > This thread’s dead - someone bring in the hearse! I just hate to burst the small bubble you Live in, but here is the trouble: you See this thread still lives And note that it gives Some fun. Fuck (for NSFW). ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/37 "2009-07-21T13:14:36Z")
::applause:: Just to be snarky I’ll say there’s one too many syllables in the third line: “See this thread lives” would work better… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/38 "2009-07-21T13:19:09Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Just to be snarky I’ll say there’s one too many syllables in the third line: “See this thread lives” would work better… 😛 Not if you put the emphasis on “this”. Oh, and thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![williamweigand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b3f665/32.png) [@williamweigand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/williamweigand)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/39 "2009-07-21T13:25:57Z")
Courtesy of John Valby : There once was a milkman named Schwartz Whose dick was all covered with warts The girls would all play With his dick anyway ‘Cause good ol’ Schwartz came in quarts. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408/40 "2009-07-21T13:52:04Z")
A man once went in for some tests, For his fixation on womenfolk’s chests Nurses started to pry, “Please Sir, tell us why?” But he answered quite simply, “Mmmmm, Breasts” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-anyone-nsfw/503408.md?page=3)