# limericks & bad jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 15, 2000, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446 "2000-06-15T05:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/21 "2000-06-16T23:48:54Z")
Southern: The poster who called himself Sili Would limerick in a way willy-nilly He could rhyme more or less But he had to confess To a style which was rather Hillbilly Have a great weekend! Sili ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/22 "2000-06-17T00:12:36Z")
You ask me what is my intention I lie and am sure not to mention It matters not who Your girlfriend or you Can relieve my erective tension ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/23 "2000-06-17T01:55:41Z")
Oxymorons are cute plays on words, The humor of computer nerds; When searching your mind, for careers of some kind, “Breeding Rabbits” is sure for the birds. The amature’s limerick is lame, the rhymes he continues to maim, It’s really not rough, And surely not tough, The words have to just sound the same. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/24 "2000-06-17T06:22:21Z")
TennHippie, it is most unfair, Your emotions with us you don’t share. I tried for a groan, A slight wince or a moan! I got _nada_ - oh well, _c’est la guerre!_ ---
**Author:** ![tbea925](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@tbea925](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tbea925)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/25 "2000-06-17T12:47:04Z")
And, of course, the obvious one… There once was an author named Adams Who fought ignorance in all sirs and madams. His books, The Straight Dope, Were the source of much hope, And as for the answers, he had 'ems. ---
**Author:** ![tbea925](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@tbea925](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tbea925)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/26 "2000-06-17T13:44:28Z")
Sorry…had to do this one; with apologies to the REAL matt… There once was a sockpuppet named matt\_mcl Who claimed to know where it was at\_mcl. 'Till the mods, in a snit Hauled him off to the Pit And told him “Go sh\*t in your hat\_mcl.” ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/27 "2000-06-19T15:04:26Z")
A limerick subtle and wry, is rewarded with praise of on high; Your failure it’s said, means this thread is gone, dead, Oh please, oh please, won’t you try? SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/28 "2000-06-19T15:20:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > A dozen, a gross, and a score, > Plus three times the square root of four, > Divided by seven, > Plus five times eleven, > Equals nine squared plus zero, no more. > \*\* More Poetic Math. Try and figure out the limrick for the follwing: 1,264,853,971.2758463 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One Billion, two hundred and sixy four million, eight hundred and fifty Three thousand nin hundred and seventy one point two seven five eight four six three (From Martin Gardner’s “The Unexpected Hanging”) ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/29 "2000-06-19T15:23:59Z")
With the originals here I’m impressed (Though I won’t say which one is the best) For those of you prudish Who find doggerel rudish: Remember, Life’s only a test. ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/30 "2000-06-19T15:37:03Z")
My post-its are colored canary tinkerbell’s my favorite fairy if you wanna know why my lim’ricks ain’t spry I misplaced my rhyming dictionary I’ll not win this contest (a hunch) my lim’ricks doth sucketh a bunch. I’ll walk out the door and ponder some more and return around one, after lunch. -dook ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/31 "2000-06-19T15:48:26Z")
I have to apologize in advance for the following, but it’s Monday morning, and these types of moods tend to hit around Monday Morning… With the weekend came eternal hope That around the house papa could mope But the kid and the wife Have their own plan for life So poor papa got spanked, ‘flanked’ and roped. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/32 "2000-06-19T16:01:30Z")
Spontanious limmerick contests are a curse cause some thought makes better than worse this is my first in years to lose is my deepest fear but without practice I’ll go from bad to verse. (Argh… will try again) ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/33 "2000-06-19T16:11:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > There once was a man from Manass (hey, _I_ didn’t make it up) > whose balls were made out of brass. > And in stormy weather, > he’d rub them together, > and lightning would shoot out of his ass. > > \*\* Actually it’s: There once was a man from Madras Whose balls were made our of brass In stormy weather They’d clatter together And lightning shot out of his ass ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/34 "2000-06-19T16:12:11Z")
Only those of you who’ve visited erotic chatrooms will fully appreciate this one: There once was a fellow named Rick Who was chatting it up with some chick. When he typed “Now let’s play,” He read “What? Are you gay?” Ooops…he’d pc’d the wrong nick. ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/35 "2000-06-19T16:12:31Z")
That islander\* must be a mule to have such an enormous tool. he flashes the fellas and makes em all jealous while causing the ladies to drool. -dook (That islander is quite obviously ‘The Man From Nantucket’) ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/36 "2000-06-19T16:16:30Z")
…but has always been a favorite of mine: There once was a man from Tripoli Who liked to make love rather nippily. Complained one young lass: (While rubbing her ass) “Less teethily, please, and more lippily!” ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/37 "2000-06-19T16:22:37Z")
But here’s an on-the-spot groaner I’ll leave y’all with: From the hills of East Tennessee 'Twas a hippie who once yearned to be A true Master Poet, Though you never would know it By the absurdly poor writing by he. ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/38 "2000-06-19T16:34:11Z")
This weekend for me wasn’t pretty My road trip was extremely shitty. I don’t think I’ll pout; Instead I’ll go out, And grab me some big stripper titty. -dook ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/39 "2000-06-19T16:45:46Z")
As the millions are here to attest We’ve been given a day just for rest But since man is just made to relax in the shade Maybe one day of work would be best! In the style of Shakesperian scribe All the verse can be pointed and wry But instead we decide To take the lighter side So we limerick, we do not McBride ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/40 "2000-06-19T16:50:15Z")
Again, those who’ve not visited erotic chatrooms will not fully appreciate this one: With intentions that were purely benign, TNhip flirted with a lesbian (so fine!) But she said “Take a hike, 'cuz you ain’t no dyke!” He replied “But I’ve _played_ one online.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446.md?page=3)