# limericks & bad jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 15, 2000, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446 "2000-06-15T05:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/41 "2000-06-19T18:14:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > We’ve been given a day just for rest > \*\* You say we have one day to rest That statement I have to protest I work five a week, In chains (so to speak). With weekends we all have been blest. I do know some work six a week. I guess that means you’re up shit creek? My sympathies here, For Saturday’s dear. For most dopers I think I speak. -dook ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/42 "2000-06-19T18:31:07Z")
There are some who toward greatness would stride There are those just along for the ride But some others just choose To critique the poor use Of the language, it’s just an aside When referring to only one day It was in the Old Testament Way - HE produced all of this Then took a break on Day Six Hence the Sabbath, and now if I may… (only for the dooker) As the millions are here to attest We’ve been given just two days for rest But since man is just made to relax in the shade Maybe two days of work would be best! ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/43 "2000-06-19T18:46:19Z")
As weekends go mine was bad, with part of it extremely sad; The saw teeth you see, took a bite out of me, 30 stitches – that’s more than a tad. My hand held together with string, And pain that continues to sting, One careless act, rates “Just stupid” in fact, This bird is now a “single wing”. sigh… SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/44 "2000-06-19T19:25:16Z")
\*\* tradesilicon: > [@](#): > > There are some who toward greatness would stride > There are those just along for the ride > > _But some others just choose > To critique the poor use_ > > Of the language, it’s just an aside \*\* Some think I’m a critical fool And in judgement I seem to be cruel. That’s just not the truth. Twould have been uncouth Of me to treat others uncool. I knew that you spoke of creation, And not of some people’s frustration Of having to toil So much as to spoil That wonderful weekend sensation. If you think that I meant any harm, Relax, there’s no cause for alarm. It just felt sublime To reply to your rhyme With a verse of my own, and some charm. If I need to correct someone’s rhymes, There are plenty of obvious crimes. Some of them teeter On the edge of good meter, Three syllables too much, many times! 🙂 -dook ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/45 "2000-06-19T19:37:26Z")
SouthernStyle: A mishap, unfortunate you! But don’t let it get you too blue. Has it hampered your jacking As well as your clacking On keyboards, with one hand too few? (sorry, couldn’t resist 🙂 -dook ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/46 "2000-06-19T19:49:21Z")
Brilliant, indeed, those who write These lines on this very fun site. But it induces my vex For the sheer lack of sex In these rhymes that are made to delight. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/47 "2000-06-19T19:59:50Z")
This lim’rick shall not be a-winning, But I hope it does cause some grinning. It’s purpose is only 'Cause I’m bored and lonely Wanting _this_ thread on top (the beginning). ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/48 "2000-06-19T20:04:44Z")
There was an unfortunate fellow Who drank liquor to feel nice & mellow. He got many a date But they never stayed late: His liver was hard, but his penis was Jello. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/49 "2000-06-19T20:06:29Z")
My wife, well she is with child, Our weekend, it was not wild. With no kids in the house It was quiet as a mouse, and all we did turned out to be mild. We went sight seeing out of the city, with no kids, we were singing a dity. We had a good lunch Hugged and kissed a bunch But we didn’t have sex, what a pity! ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/50 "2000-06-19T20:06:59Z")
Pretty good **dook** , How about: An extremely hazardous day, has resulted in what I now say; Once fast as heck, I now hunt and peck, And my pecker’s my finger – oye ve! The wood has now been sawed and sanded, The saw upon me has landed, So I passed yesterday, playing chess all the day, And I beat my opponent left-handed! Your limerick I take in jest, no “cheap shot” determined by test; At danger I laugh, Whoops! What a gaffe! Your limerick’s better, mine’s best. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/51 "2000-06-19T22:19:26Z")
We seem to have a nice trend going. Dook: (of course I took no offence, I love the tone of you poem!🙂 When rhymining a rhyme on the boards We must always be most careful towards How accurate the facts That one’s poem axacts 'Cause Cecil’s fighting the ignorant hoards Southern: What happened to you was a shame But I’m sure it won’t hinder your game Just keep pecking a way Two to Three times a day If you tire of this board, try a dame ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/52 "2000-06-19T22:40:56Z")
To play with the dame was the gist, Of the things that I had on my list; There was clearly no glee, When she said to me, “I’m sorry, I play only whist”. I sobbed as I sent her away, For I wanted only to play; I fell far from grace, When she slapped my face, Then bid me adieu and good day. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/53 "2000-06-19T22:59:51Z")
Sorry Dook: “There once a man from Alsace, whos’ balls were fashioned of brass. When he knocked them together, they played ‘Stormy Weahter’, and lightning shot out of his ass!” ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/54 "2000-06-19T23:05:50Z")
> [@](#): > > **I once met a man from Limerick > He … Damn! Nothing rhymes with Limerick.** That’s what you think. Observe. I once met a man came from Limerick; He suffered from what’s called a “dim prick.” “That sounds pretty scary; What is it?” you query. Well it’s quite often known as a “limp dick.” Not making any inferences to the abilities (or lack thereof)of Irishmen, mind you. When you gotta rhyme, you gotta rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/55 "2000-06-19T23:29:36Z")
Hipster, you were concerned with the lack of sexual topics in this thread, well, fear not! In the Interest of Science and Fact Cecil studied who came and who lacked Some some climaxed, indeed Without contact or need Of an actual person, or act! The SDMB once renowned For the best fact-finder around Has added a service That makes some posters nervous As the best sextalk site ever found! ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/56 "2000-06-19T23:53:50Z")
Fair maiden offered her all, to give at my beck and call; I figured her ass, would be worth the pass, But her ass she’d hauled to the mall; She returned from the store in a dash, and batted her long sexy lash; She said with a grin, “I’ll let you slip in, If you’ll give me all of your cash”. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/57 "2000-06-20T00:18:28Z")
First and foremost, I must give credit to **Dragwyr** , not for particularly great limericks, but for the simple fact that he is the first person ever I’ve seen _anywhere_ online who quoted the esteemed Rev. Billy C. Wirtz. This thread is now 2 pages long; It’s great (please don’t get me wrong), But rather than scrolling (Though I’ve done no polling), Let’s start a new one, eh, throng? I suggest LIMERICKS as the subject. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/58 "2000-06-20T01:16:51Z")
I really don’t see what’s the fuss, this thread’s as long as a bus; The dopers all chatter, saying size doesn’t matter, “What’s a few inches 'tween us”? The hippie has posted a fit, “too long”, he says is out wit; You want a new thread, there’s nothing to dread, to quote the old ad, then “just do it”. SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/59 "2000-06-20T02:04:05Z")
How ashamed I am that two different people have two _different_ corrections an apparently well ‘known’ limerick that I posted. Damn. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446/60 "2000-06-20T12:46:53Z")
Try typing one handed. Obviously, the line should say, “our wit”. In trying to type out “our wit”, the author transmitted “out wit”; No one complained, Yes, all have abstained from having a verbal “shit fit”. SouthernStyle [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-bad-jokes/22446.md?page=4)