# Limericks, cont'd **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 6, 2000, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214 "2000-09-06T12:10:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/61 "2000-09-09T01:57:48Z")
A young man, a dentist by trade, when caught in the act with a maid, said, with all gravity, “I am filling a cavity. Things are not as they are portrayed.” ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/62 "2000-09-09T02:19:03Z")
There once was a dental hygienist who while ably assisting a dentist noticed the depravity with which he filled cavities and with a mirror and a cleaning pick bent his. ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/63 "2000-09-09T02:28:33Z")
Now every rhyme that I mutter, Seems firmly entrenched in the gutter. (Though I am, in real life, mother and a housewife) and must be careful aloud not to utter! Well, I didn’t get a WHOLE lot done today, except for this…:rolleyes: –Tabithina ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/64 "2000-09-09T08:00:46Z")
These limerists are really quite swell Have you seen any better, pray tell? But so many Dopers are missed That it truly gets me qutie pissed So contribute here, please-- what the hell? ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/65 "2000-09-09T08:24:46Z")
Please pardon misspellings–oh,ick! Typing mistakes makes me sick! Unlike my betters I oft invert letters But I’ll take dyslexic o’er lessdicksic. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/66 "2000-09-09T19:09:01Z")
The Spider has not has her fix from the second thread titled “limericks.” The diverting dosage of daily postings, but for Hippie and me’s down to nix. -----☹ —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2000, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/67 "2000-09-10T13:38:13Z")
Once lived a woman of St. Cloud who was turning into a dowd till she found this message board was a place she adored. Now she’s running with a different crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Pink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@Pink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pink)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2000, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/68 "2000-09-10T15:19:17Z")
There once was a virgin named Susie The headache she had was a doozie She said “Help me sleep” He said not a peep But \*\*\*\*ed her until she was woozy. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/69 "2000-09-11T14:56:11Z")
**Tabithina** has joined our fine game, I’m pleased and excited she came, Into our fine play, and offers a stray, anecdote that isn’t the same. Enduring the splinter is good fun, Received from the dildo (the wood one), The great mystery, that’s unclear to me, An unpolished dildo, why would one? While offering rhyme she did say, That she tends her baby all day, That one time she should, have come on the wood, And avoided the rabbit filet. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/70 "2000-09-11T15:31:16Z")
This here limerick poster must say That I’m not sure what happens today If the network is toast Or I can’t load the NOS Then inside the lab I will stay ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/71 "2000-09-11T22:01:55Z")
(Let’s keep this thread alive until TH\*Hippie returns.) The **Hippie** ’s a jailbird I heard, Since the copper sang like a bird, A month behind bars, for DUI cars, Is sure a discouraging word. Can a sentence so harsh still be fair, Including the stripes he must wear? It sure seems to me, that TN\*Hippie, Can use some chromed steel underwear! The Hippie should watch his own ass, Lest his cellmate crave the crevasse, Or Hippie’s rear end, he’ll have to defend, From big hairy balls made of brass. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/72 "2000-09-11T23:23:21Z")
There once was a Hippie wha said ‘It’s just jail, not off with my head’ He took all his lumps This, a minor bump But he’d rather be sailing instead So I say to the limerick King Do not worry, you won’t miss a thing For I’m sure someone could Print this thread (oh, how shrewd) And then mail it to you in the clink ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/73 "2000-09-12T11:49:23Z")
There once crouched a shivering spider who knew most humans couldn’t abide her But nothing could hinder her plans for the winter Dwelling warmly would not be denied her. She approached an office of employment; said “T’would greatly increase my enjoyment an inside job to find which makes use of my mind. What is a plan of deployment?” Poor Spidey was shooed out the door with a broom and a “Come back no more!” So she scuttled away thinking “Come what may, the weather I just can’t ignore.” She applied at a flower shop where the mouths of the owners did drop. “Seeing all of those legs” they said “Is just the dregs else we’re sure all our aphids you’d stop.” She tried a Halloween costume store but the sight of her they did abhor “We want spiders plush and furry and not those who scurry,\* you’d scare clientele to the core!” But now spider has found a warm bed and a haven to rest her head weaving and grinning at SDMB spinning and leaping from thread to thread. -----😃 —////\\ (\* I borrowed your rhyme, Leah, thanks!) ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/74 "2000-09-12T11:55:09Z")
Once was a poster named Pink whose limerick certainly didn’t stink\* so we hope to hear again from the rhyming pen of Pink, we would like this, I think! (\* ouch, that last post apparently fried my brains, sorry) -----:o —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/75 "2000-09-12T12:30:52Z")
A Spider from climate chilly, The cold she complain was just silly, So south you must go, I won’t take a “no”, And well call you the Spider Hill Billy. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/76 "2000-09-12T12:47:22Z")
“Hey Styler!” the spider does hail. “I’d soon ship myself (in the mail) but wide-spread arachnophobia gives me agoraphobia so I’ll stick to my homeward trail.” “But your offer is truly so kind and if you don’t think you would mind stop here when you’re able we’ll stock larder and table a non-chilly welcome you’ll find.” -----🙂 —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/77 "2000-09-12T16:10:41Z")
All this talk of a meeting I’m thinking Could lead to some serious drinking With the Southern and Spider I would be an insider But who’d be left doing the thinking? If a party we three ever threw It would be both rewarding and new We could watch some old Bogart Hear some Zeppelin or Mozart But it’d be a hoot to toot with you two There once was a Shepherd named Mach Whose build was as strong as a rock But his mind often wondered And his duties he blundered 'Til the wolf had made off with the flock There once was a Knight named McBrick Who’s tactics were daring and quick 'Stead of jousting and swordplay He’d engage in some foreplay And whole kingdoms he won with his prick ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/78 "2000-09-12T16:42:49Z")
The **Spider** ’s victims are lead, By her charms and claims of “wide spread”, But I’m using tact, it’s just simple fact, that the spider’s alure get you dead. ---
**Author:** ![GolfWidow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GolfWidow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GolfWidow)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/79 "2000-09-12T17:47:34Z")
Is this the official Limerick Clique or can anyone join in? I sent this to TN\*hippie in a letter today. Please keep in mind, this is my first ever: There once was a fella named Kent And to the slammer he went The body search he did pass With a plug up his ass So sodomy he could prevent ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214/80 "2000-09-12T19:05:27Z")
I’m sure all of us will agree that the more, the merrier we’ll be. So GW, keep typing your doggerel sniping until TN\*Hippie is free. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-contd/32214.md?page=5)