# LIMERICKS, Part 2 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 1999, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034 "1999-09-18T02:23:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/21 "1999-09-20T05:24:00Z")
Orgasm is a great stress reliever. If she’s slow to respond, guys, don’t leave 'er! It may take a while, But look at the smile: The result is a more eager beaver. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 1999, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/22 "1999-09-19T21:12:00Z")
England - New York is too far When you sail on a ship from White Star They ended the trip When the hull got a rip The Carpathian ain’t got a bar! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/23 "1999-09-20T03:51:00Z")
The Titanic caters every wish; You can enjoy any gourmet dish; But telegraph Britain To whomever you’re smitten: “You feed the cat, I’ll feed the fish.” ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/24 "1999-09-20T15:20:00Z")
I’ve studied fishes, both in depth and brief. I know all about sex on the reef. But with my girlfrind away, More than many a day, I find myself desparately needing relief! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/25 "1999-09-20T20:34:00Z")
If one’s to believe what one reads, A dolphin just might serve your needs. But does that warp us To have sex with porpoise? Would Flipper even put up with such deeds? ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/26 "1999-09-20T20:37:00Z")
I have pussy in bed _every_ night; As a man, I know that’s my right. It’s warm and fuzzy and nice, But this pussy likes mice! And ‘meows’ on my face at first light. ---
**Author:** ![No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/no_me_ayudes_compadre/32/5224_2.png) [@No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Me_Ayudes_Compadre)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/27 "1999-09-20T20:58:00Z")
TennHippie you’re way past the rail I too enjoy sex with a female But it’s just plain silly To make love to “Free Willy” Unless of course you’re a sperm whale. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/28 "1999-09-20T21:20:00Z")
Weekends used to be good golfing with iron and wood now I think rhyme most all of the time To even exclusion of food. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/29 "1999-09-20T21:21:00Z")
At work I feel all alone as Jewish collegagues atone there isn’t a trade or bucks to be made or even a ring of the phone ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/30 "1999-09-20T22:01:00Z")
Somebody screwed up on their posting Who did it deserves a good roasting Those ads were a pain They so rattled my brain I deleted them all. (Just boasting.) * * * Saint Eutychus [www.disneyshorts.org](http://www.disneyshorts.org) ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/31 "1999-09-20T22:11:00Z")
Staffer eutychus55 Keeps a good thread alive by making a wreck of adverts and dreck - My cache has a chance to survive! ---
**Author:** ![No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/no_me_ayudes_compadre/32/5224_2.png) [@No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Me_Ayudes_Compadre)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/32 "1999-09-20T22:27:00Z")
Manhattan, my friend in New York To pass time, watch Fonzie or Mork Business has to wait As you see now, your fate Is tied to that of those who don’t eat pork. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 1999, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/33 "1999-09-20T23:37:00Z")
ChiefScott weighed anchor on Ike, Girlbysea the flirting didn’t like, Arg bit the dust, God said he must, And Byz up their ass stuck a spike. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 1999, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/34 "1999-09-21T05:54:00Z")
When folks lose the skill to intuit, Or have done something wrong and now rue it, The panacea for their ill Is to say “It’s God’s will.” But I agree with _Nike_: **Just Do It.** ---
**Author:** ![vanillanice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ecc23a/32.png) [@vanillanice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanillanice)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 1999, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/35 "1999-09-21T13:40:00Z")
To all of you who loved Adam,aren’t you glad we even had 'im,he was interestin at least,even though he hates yeast,respectfully yours,Madam… * * * Information is the key to survival-Abbie Hoffman. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 1999, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/36 "1999-09-21T16:35:00Z")
A good limerick takes a little luck, Some wit, and a whole lot of pluck. The theme’s oft risque, The rhyming risky, But you’re free to use words like _fudge_. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 1999, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/37 "1999-09-22T05:04:00Z")
You may think my screen name’s no fun. But look closely, and you’ll spot the pun. _Two_ types of diving, you see Give great pleasure to me; But only one leaves _her_ breathless when done. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 1999, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/38 "1999-09-22T05:25:00Z")
A delightful pun, I’ll say up front; But now I’ll have to take the brunt Of chicks’ criticism Of this witticism: They don’t like me to say the term _cunning linguist_. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 1999, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/39 "1999-09-21T19:26:00Z")
You’ve guessed the entendre I’ll bet; But for the dense who don’t get it yet: I can dive in the ocean, Or work up her lotion; In _both_ cases I get my face wet. ---
**Author:** ![No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/no_me_ayudes_compadre/32/5224_2.png) [@No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Me_Ayudes_Compadre)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 1999, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034/40 "1999-09-21T19:38:00Z")
TennHippie I almost believed You were leaving, yet I was deceived Now don’t pull that shit In the BBQ Pit Now you’re staying, I feel so so relieved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-part-2/9034.md?page=3)