# Limericks R Us **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788 "2004-08-27T14:48:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/1 "2004-08-27T14:48:53Z")
Time to give folks a haven from the campaigns or the Olympics or whatever may be chafing their chaps. Come, soothe your sulking cerebrum by creating long, languid, lush limericks. Well, long doesn’t really work, except to make the previous line sound really purdy. Course, if someone wants to take on the Epic Limerick (minimum eight stanzas), be our guest. No rules here (tho’ it’da be nice if things would scan well . . .). Upon a midnight, dark and dreary, I pondered: “Why am I so weary?” When in flew a bird With comforting word. Quoth Raven: “Don’t worry - be cheery!” I wonder how that would work in trochaic tetrameter? Nah. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/2 "2004-08-27T15:05:36Z")
There once was a poster named **BJMoose** Whose name was thought to be eponymoose When questioned about it He knew he’d been outed “It’s actually more like synonymoose.” ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/3 "2004-08-27T15:28:34Z")
There once was a thread in this forum… That let me attract Dopers and bore 'em… While to responding to said thread… A thought crossed my head… We could just go ahead and ignore 'im. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/4 "2004-08-27T15:49:37Z")
To timewrite work hours make me mope Accounting leaves me at the end of my rope But in the midst of my despair I realized that I have quite a flair For getting paid for reading the Straight Dope ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/5 "2004-08-27T15:58:42Z")
What is it about the verse muse That attracts people like BJMoose? Regardless of meter Their verses soon peter And give alert ears a firm goose ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/6 "2004-08-29T18:26:00Z")
To take a deadlier tack = The Cryptologist certainly wrote The short letter they found in his coat And the hole in his head Told the world he was dead But no one could decipher the note. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/7 "2004-08-30T00:28:09Z")
Not _quite_ a limerick, but: The thunder god went off to ride Dad’s octopodal filly “I’m Thor!” he cried, Sliepnir replied that “You forgot your thaddle, thilly.” ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/8 "2004-08-30T01:43:54Z")
The fellow, while new to this land, was insulting and quite out of hand, despite earnest warning, when came the next morning, he found that his ass had been banned. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/9 "2004-08-30T15:23:14Z")
Young Lemuel went for a ride Across the pearlescent blue tide. He met some wee men Of knot-making yen - Now Gulliver’s fit to be tied. ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/10 "2004-09-02T18:23:16Z")
Time for some political verse. (I know, I said in the OP this would be a haven from politics. I lied.) Since I’m the fairer-and-balanceder-than-thou sort, I’ll take on all comers (in order of the last poll I saw - your polling may vary.) Though Bush went to Harvard and Yale, His policies turns me quite pale. Osama’s around, No weapons were found - Perhaps we should send George to jail. 'Tis time to consider John Kerry. His platitudes make me quite wary. He flips and he flops and flaps 'til he drops. - I’d rather just watch _Tom and Jerry_. Now think on poor, hapless Ralph Nader: His poll numbers show he’s a fader. But yet will he run 'Til set of the sun Because he likes being Darth Vader. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/11 "2004-09-02T22:37:03Z")
[“SETI’s found a signal,”](http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20040902/od_uk_nm/oukoe_space_signals&e=2) said the news reader, “It’s from deep space and in regular meter: ‘Eeep! Blup-ti-lu-klop, Freet! Shrut-dee-ru-blop.’” [Trans.]: “Take… me to… your leader.” ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/12 "2004-09-02T22:47:48Z")
Prompted by the plethora of penile postings: (a classic) A randy young fellow from Kent, had a phallus so long it was bent. To stay out of trouble, he’d put it in doubled, and instead of coming, he went. ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/13 "2004-09-05T18:15:09Z")
I fondly recall Ogdan Nash, Whose precepts on love were not rash. With steady emotion He gave us the notion: “Forget the sweets - use sour mash!” ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/14 "2004-09-06T03:53:16Z")
There once was a man named Muldoon who used forks instead of a spoon. He didn’t really mind His soup slipping thru tines, 'cause his meal wasn’t over too soon. I know. It was late, and I was tired. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/15 "2004-09-06T04:10:23Z")
It’s all I can do just to cope When trying to rhyme on the Dope I write down the words But they end up absurd Which cause me to drink and to mope ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/16 "2004-09-06T04:14:32Z")
I once saw a fireman prancing With kitties this odd guy was dancing He tried out a dip But out fell the catnip And the felines were no longer romancing ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/17 "2004-09-06T04:29:52Z")
A gay secret agent named Fawcett Spurned the bustle, the bra, and the corset. He said, “No drag for me! I just want to be The Spy Who Came Out Of The Closet.” There once was a boy from Aberystwyth Who screwed all the men that he kystwyth. He’d lick them and suck them And rim them and fuck them And pull on the prongs that they pystwyth. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/18 "2004-09-06T04:34:34Z")
That is so gay! 😛 I picked up a girl at the bar Who followed me out to my car I disrobed her quick And out popped a dick Oh well, we’re already this far ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/19 "2004-09-06T05:00:06Z")
Since we’re in the general vicinity - - The sorcerous vampire, Thume, Took a succubus up to him room Where they argued all night Over who had the right To drain away what, and from whom. (I got paid for that one, once.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788/20 "2004-09-06T05:31:34Z")
It should be noted that we’ve gone this far without any submissions rhyming with ‘Nantucket’. 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-r-us/261788.md?page=2)