# Limericks with a twist **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 28, 2016, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896 "2016-10-28T00:27:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/1 "2016-10-28T00:27:08Z")
There was an old man dressed in gray, Who stood on his head every day. When someone asked why, He was quick to reply, “¡ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ɹǝʇʇǝq ɥɔnɯ ʇı ǝʞıl ı” (not an original work, but don’t remember where I first saw this) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/2 "2016-10-28T00:28:50Z")
AHHHHH! Burn him! BURN THE WITCH! ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/3 "2016-10-28T07:03:15Z")
A friend of mine wrote this in senior high during a very brief phase of limerick writing we had. It’s a rough translation from Norwegian, but I think you get the gist: > [@](#): > > Naita made fun of my verse > He said he had never seen worse > But what he had missed > When my verse he dissed > Was the non-universal nature of rules for poetry ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/4 "2016-10-28T08:11:12Z")
There once was a man from Nantucket… …bah, that’s way too cliche, so fuck it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/5 "2016-10-28T09:39:41Z")
I think it was Isaac Asimov who relayed three of them: 1. There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks would end at line two. 2. There once was a man from Verdun 3. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/6 "2016-10-28T09:45:49Z")
Reminds me of John Cooper Clarke’s “Haiku 1”: > [@](#): > > TO CON-VEY ONE’S MOOD > IN SEV-EN-TEEN SYLL-A-BLES > IS VE-RY DIF-FIC ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/7 "2016-10-28T09:48:31Z")
There once was a man from Japan Whose limericks would never scan. When asked why it was, He answered, _Because_ _I always try to get everything into the last line that I possibly can._ ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/8 "2016-10-28T11:18:21Z")
When limerick writing I strive To write verse that’s vibrant and alive But it all starts to bore Around lines 3 and 4 And I something something by line 5. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/9 "2016-10-28T11:45:57Z")
I wrote this on my girlfriend’s valentine card. Married 15 years now. _There once was a girl named Linoski Da da da da da da doski Da da da da da Da da da da da There’s not a goddam thing that rhymes with Linoski!_ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/10 "2016-10-28T12:33:07Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > I think it was Isaac Asimov who relayed three of them: > > 1. There once was a man from Peru > Whose limericks would end at line two. > > 2. There once was a man from Verdun > > 3. The way I learned it was this: 1. A poet from west Tennessee wrote limericks stopped at line three that never did finish 2. There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two. 3. There once was a man from Verdun 4. I forget this one, but it was about Emperor Nero. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/11 "2016-10-28T14:45:49Z")
From [Physics Limericks](https://www.physics.harvard.edu/academics/undergrad/limericks) Relativistic length contraction is a strange thing, indeed… Relativistic limericks have the attraction Of being shrunk by a Lorentz contraction. But for readers, unwary, The results may be scary, When a fraction . . . As is time dilation… The effects of dilation of time Are magical, strange, and sublime. In your frame, this verse, Which you’ll see is not terse, Can be read in the same amount of time it takes someone else in another frame to read a similar sort of rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/12 "2016-10-28T14:50:51Z")
For this subject I’ve always liked this one: A decrepit old gas man named Peter, While hunting around for the meter, Touched a leak with his light. He arose out of sight, And, as anyone can see by reading this, he also destroyed the meter ---
**Author:** ![Totenfeier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@Totenfeier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totenfeier)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/13 "2016-10-28T17:06:58Z")
Speaking of Asimov, I remember this one from his joke book: A man comes home chuckling. His wife asks him why. He says, “I just heard the dirtiest limerick ever!” So she says, " Let me hear it." He says, “No, I can’t. It’s just too dirty.” She says, “O.K., tell you what. You substitute a dash for anything you think I’m too delicate to hear, and I’ll figure it out on my own.” So the guy says, “Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-fuck.” ---
**Author:** ![Haunted\_Pasta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/94ad74/32.png) [@Haunted\_Pasta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haunted_Pasta)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/14 "2016-10-28T17:11:30Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > There once was a man from Japan > Whose limericks would never scan. > When asked why it was, > He answered, _Because_ > _I always try to get everything into the last line that I possibly can._ My version of this: There once was a poet named Klein And most of his poems were fine The problem he had Was his limericks were bad Because he was always trying to fit way, WAY too many syllables- far more than should ever be included in any line of any kind of poetry whatsoever, let alone the limerick, with its rigid structure and rhyme scheme- into the closing line. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/15 "2016-10-28T17:25:45Z")
A modest young man from Nantucket Tried writing an ode to a bucket: He discovered, in time, That the obvious rhyme Was too rude, so he just had to duck it. There was a young man from Dundee Who one day was stung by a wasp. When asked if hurt, He said “Not very much - I’m so glad it wasn’t a hornet”. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/16 "2016-10-28T17:31:05Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > There once was a man from Nantucket… > …bah, that’s way too cliche, so fuck it. You know, I’d heard and read all the parodies of the original\*, but it took practically until the advent of the internet that I heard the original. I guess everyone assumed we all we supposed to know the original. You could just say the first line, and everyone knew what you were talking about. \*I’m especially fond of the version where the man kept his cash in a bucket. It even has two “sequels”. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2016, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/17 "2016-10-29T09:21:39Z")
A wonderful beast is the flea; You can’t tell a he from a she: But he can And she can – Whoopee ! ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/18 "2016-10-30T02:46:28Z")
There once was a poet named Todd Whose meter was seriously flawed. His limericks would tend To come to an end Suddenly. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/19 "2016-10-30T03:02:21Z")
> [@Totenfeier](#): > > Speaking of Asimov, I remember this one from his joke book: > > A man comes home chuckling. His wife asks him why. He says, “I just heard the dirtiest limerick ever!” So she says, " Let me hear it." He says, “No, I can’t. It’s just too dirty.” She says, “O.K., tell you what. You substitute a dash for anything you think I’m too delicate to hear, and I’ll figure it out on my own.” So the guy says, > > “Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, > Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, > Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, > Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash, > Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-fuck.” Version I heard was a shaggy dog story about a filthy limerick contest, and someone who reads about it (“THe winning entry way too filthy to print in this magazine”) tracks the author down, to a tiny village in Ireland, where he finds a sweet old grandmother who wrote it. She’s unwilling to say the limerick because of its filth, but the reader eventually gets her to relent, and she says she’ll recite it, humming over the really filthy parts. > [@](#): > > Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm > Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm > Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm > Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm > Hmm hmm in a river of shit. It’s a fun joke to spin out for an audience. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896/20 "2016-10-30T03:12:35Z")
My favorite Asimov limerick was from one of his “Black Widowers” stories: You can’t call the British Queen Ms. Tain’t as nice as Elizabeth is. But I think that the Queen Would be even less keen To have herself mentioned as Ls. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks-with-a-twist/769896.md?page=2)