# LIMERICKS **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916 "2000-06-20T00:30:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/1 "2000-06-20T00:30:02Z")
Okay, so I’m not real inspired. Over themes of interest I’ve perspired. But my rhyme scheme and meter (Like my 7 inch peter) I hope will soon be admired. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/2 "2000-06-20T00:58:28Z")
I know that art is conceptual And writing is oft intellectual. But must I explain In language so plain That lim’ricks should be simply _sexual_? ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/3 "2000-06-20T01:02:51Z")
Seven inches is average, they say. More or less, here and there, what the hay? But if it’s too big, don’t brag. For it might make me gag, Cause I go for it all when I play. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/4 "2000-06-20T01:10:17Z")
Says Hippie with star in his name, Auth’ring limericks should never bring shame. Use “felching” to shock, “pussy,” “cooze,” “cunt” and “cock.” Or your poetry will just seem too tame. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/5 "2000-06-20T01:48:05Z")
Though inches I truly admire, That ain’t what kindles a fire. It’s the breadth of your scope Here on the Straight Dope, That shorts out my tingly live wire. ---
**Author:** ![dook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@dook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dook)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/6 "2000-06-20T02:14:48Z")
these aren’t mine either: There once was a caveman named Dave Who found a dead whore in his cave. He said with a grin, as he slipped his meat in, “Just think of the money I’ll save”. I pulled that one off of a MUSH somewhere. There was a biker mama named Dot Who lived off of pig shit and snot. When she couldn’t get these She’d eat the green cheese That grew on the sides of her twat. And this one came out of an Easyriders from the 80s… So THAT’s what those remaining brain cells are being used for… 🙂 -dook ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/7 "2000-06-20T02:49:46Z")
Nah…I ain’t into censorship…but _PLEASE_ try to original or at least funny, not just disgusting. For the others I must admit this: Some made me laugh (nearly piss)… Keep at it folks: Both good & bad jokes… Then you’ll not have to read trash like this. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/8 "2000-06-20T02:52:39Z")
. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/9 "2000-06-20T03:06:30Z")
Your electric response caused reflection: It’s not (as men think) the erection. The truest parameter Is neither length nor diameter But honesty, trust, and affection. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/10 "2000-06-20T03:17:44Z")
It’s late now, so I’ll be risque. Don’t care if you’re straight, bi, or gay. I’d love the sensation Of mutual elation If we **all** had a roll in the hay. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/11 "2000-06-20T03:23:35Z")
Affection is good, this is true. Trust and love, those are very nice too. But TN\*Hippie, my dear, I’ll say to you here, Seven inches? Yep. That’ll do. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/12 "2000-06-20T03:52:43Z")
There once was a lady from Texas Who wondered just what the facts was “Despite what they said About us getting laid I can’t seem to find where the sex is” ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/13 "2000-06-20T04:01:15Z")
(an old one) There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks ended at line 2. (Another, in a similar vein) There once was a man from Verdun. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/14 "2000-06-20T04:05:12Z")
Granted, those two didn’t involve the word peter. The only other limericks I know make me slightly nauseous to tell. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/15 "2000-06-20T04:17:45Z")
Along came a newbie named Elvis, used a whole eight posts to tell us, He couldn’t work “peter,” In poems with meter, We pray he’s better with his pelvis. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/16 "2000-06-20T04:46:00Z")
A gay double agent named Fawcett Spurned the panties, the bra, and the cawset. He said, “No drag for me! I just want to be The Spy Who Came Out Of The Closet.” ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/17 "2000-06-20T06:32:03Z")
Persephone’s comments were revealing, And, in fact, I think, quite appealing… I got the hard “seven” That’ll send her to heaven Quivering, moaning, and squealing. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/18 "2000-06-20T07:19:22Z")
Hey all you cool guys and gals I thought we were loveable pals So send in a rhyme At any ol’ time: The Goods, The Bads, The Banals. ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/19 "2000-06-20T10:12:55Z")
matt made it perfectly clear, he craved no one who wore a brassiere. all his friends and cohorts, wore BVD shorts. and took all the flak in the rear.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Barney111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@Barney111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barney111)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916/20 "2000-06-20T10:49:49Z")
There once was a man named Magruder Saw a girl in the nude, and he wooed her The girl thought it crude To be wooed in the nude But Magruder was shrewder, and screwed her [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/22916.md?page=2)