# limericks
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 21, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123 "2000-08-21T03:56:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2000, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/21 "2000-08-22T02:05:20Z")
My life in limericks . . .
A poster by the name of Jack Batty
Ate Hamburger Helper, though fatty
Three Cheese polished off
Also Beef Stroganoff
But it’s also quite good in a patty
A skateboard was bought by old Jack
To combat a seemingly lack
Of youthful devices
But what would be nice is
If I just don’t break my damn back
Jack’s dog was a mutt named Daisy
Who was pretty incredibly lazy
But if she thinks she can poop
On the floor or the stoop
The Canine is perfectly crazy
---
### Author:  [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/22 "2000-08-22T02:22:51Z")
There once was a man from Japan,
whose limericks no one could scan.
When he was asked why,
he would simply reply,
I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I can.
(Elliot Kuhner)
There was a young lady named bright,
who could travel at speeds faster than light.
She went out one day,
in a relative way,
and arrived the previous night.
The once was a man from El Bates,
who while woking out on his skates,
fell on his cutlass,
which rendered him nutless,
and practically useless on dates.
There once was a man from Sabin,
whose prick was the size of a pin.
His mistress named Mim,
said with a grin.
This won’t be much of a sin.
The list is endless…
---
### Author:  [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/23 "2000-08-22T14:38:06Z")
Mary asked John “Dear, is it late?”
John said “I believe it is 8.”
Mary said “No, it’s not yet
But soon will be, and wet.”
Thus John went down on Mary and ate.
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2000, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/24 "2000-08-22T15:30:57Z")
There once was a Barritone, Danno
Who accopmanied well the Piano
Just before curtain drop
Caught his jewels on a prop
And the last song he sang as Soprano
Close to midnight, McDuffy the drunk
Came home staggerin’, all in a funk
“Don’t you see” he complained
“That more Whiskey remained,
But they wouldn’t let me finish the trunk!”
---
### Author:  [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/25 "2000-08-22T16:13:23Z")
There was a young mother named Pat
Who spawned triplets named Rat, Bat, and Tat.
While fun in the breeding
They were hell in the feeding
When Pat found out there was no tit for Tat.
---
### Author:  [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/26 "2000-08-23T14:22:13Z")
A gal went to the store to be fed:
Short-skirted, and her panties were shed.
When she bent to get rolls,
Thus revealing her holes,
She ended up getting bred instead.
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/27 "2000-08-23T14:35:09Z")
These limericks don’t seem so hot,
Guess I too can give it a shot.
I’ll slap down some lines,
(With some imperfect rhymes)
See? Made one up right on the spot!
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/28 "2000-08-23T14:43:01Z")
Mostly I like these poems too,
But I take some offence at a few,
Don’t mean to be mean,
But I find them obscene,
Even one by an Orthodox Jew!
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/29 "2000-08-23T15:54:44Z")
Since first I wrote in to this thread,
It seems to have barely been read.
It’s useful to know,
That my readership’s low,
Lest celebrity go to my head.
---
### Author:  [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/30 "2000-08-23T15:56:02Z")
There once was a girl named Alice,
That used dynamite as a fallice.
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace.
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/31 "2000-08-23T17:18:33Z")
If you do take offence at this verse
And say that you find it perverse
Take a hit o’ some pot
Then you’ll like it a lot!
But pot has to legalized first 😉
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/32 "2000-08-23T17:29:32Z")
Those pot-smoking lines were quite tough,
But I doubt if it goes far enough.
To make me so high,
That your verse would go by,
I would have to take **really** strong stuff.
---
### Author:  [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/33 "2000-08-23T18:04:09Z")
The pot, they said, was bionic.
For it was grown hydroponic.
After one bong hit,
I said, “This is the shit,
That will tend to make me act moronic.”
---
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/34 "2000-08-23T18:19:21Z")
I need help remembering part of my favorite off-color one:
There was a young man from Kent
Whose d-ck was so long it bent
* * *
* * *
And instead of coming he went.
Help!
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/35 "2000-08-23T18:34:41Z")
This pot sure does help **jesuslynch,**
He smokes some - then writing’s a cinch.
The mess with this plan -
Why his lines don’t quite scan,
Is - he never has more than a pinch.
---
### Author:  [@kjorsty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjorsty)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/36 "2000-08-23T20:24:26Z")
There was a young lady at sea
who said “God! How it hurts me to pee!”
“I see,” said the mate,
“That explains the sad state
of the captain, the purser, and me.”
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/37 "2000-08-23T22:24:36Z")
Well, since you’ve touched on the subject…
There was a young maiden from Taylor
Whose Catholic Preist tryed to jail 'er
She got drunk one noon
And gave him the moon
And when caught she did swwwear like a sailor
There once was a poster named Sili
Embarrassed to write, but still willing
To rhyme out some lines
And make good ones, some times
But most of his stuff is quite chilling
Sili
---
### Author:  [@Moleman9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moleman9)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/38 "2000-08-23T23:53:04Z")
**Gigi**
I think this is what you’re looking for:
There once was a man from Kent,
whose cock was so long it bent,
to save himself trouble,
he put it in double,
and instead of cumming he went.
A few of my favorites:
There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money Dave saved.
There once was a man from Kubot
who lived off of toe jam and snot,
when he had none of these,
he lived off the cheese,
from the tip of his grungy old cock
There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose cock was so long he could suck it,
while licking his chin,
he said with a grin,
if my ear was a pussy I’d fuck it.
---
### Author:  [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2000, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/39 "2000-08-24T15:27:30Z")
This thread, for a while, has been great.
But alas - it’s been slumping of late.
If it falls off page one,
That’s the end of its run,
I’m abandoning it to it’s fate.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/40 "2000-08-24T17:25:49Z")
It’s fate though previously bleak,
Has been given a little tweak;
With a click and a thump,
to the front it did jump,
This thread is the best of the week.
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