# limericks **URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123 **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share **Created:** [August 21, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123 "2000-08-21T03:56:02Z") **Posts on this page:** 20 **Page:** 4
### Author: ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/61 "2000-08-25T21:10:00Z")
This thread was around for a while And though it contained much good vile It just was not the same Until into it came The poster known as Southern Style 😉 ---
### Author: ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/62 "2000-08-25T21:10:46Z")
Let’s hear a big hip hip hooray, If you think I’ve had too much to say. Well here is your chance, You can get up and dance, I’ll be gone till the next business day. ---
### Author: ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/63 "2000-08-25T21:54:16Z")
When next I’m gainfully employed You can be certain I’ll avoid Power mavens in suits who ambush new recruits And I’ll always maintain my sang-froid. Where you work, IzzyR, must be grand. With your keyboard they give you free hand. The limericks you write are both witty and bright and you do so without reprimand. ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/64 "2000-08-25T23:49:54Z")
A gay double agent named Fawcett Spurned panties, the bra, and the cawcett. He said, “No drag for me! I just want to be _The Spy Who Came Out Of The Closet_.” An old man from cold Montreal Had reason to moan and to bawl. He exclaimed, “Hostie d’crisse! I was taking a piss, and it’s frozen me fast to the wall!” ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/65 "2000-08-25T23:52:05Z")
On Montreal mayor Pierre Bourque, who wants to amalgamate several suburbs with Montreal proper: Mayor Bourque has got ants in his pants. He wants to see his city advance Till it goes all the way Out to far Hudson Bay And the metro’s connected to France. ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/66 "2000-08-25T23:53:47Z")
There was a young girl from Vancouver, Who when told it was not “horses doover”, Found she hadn’t the nerve To ask for _hors d’œuvres,_ So had soup as a saving maneuver. ---
### Author: ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/67 "2000-08-25T23:55:59Z")
Thanks Joey. What do you want for helping me? 😉 ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 25, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/68 "2000-08-25T23:58:55Z")
Four faggots consented to meet To share oral sex in the street. _Soixante-neuf_ was impractical, So the only thing tactical Was something like _cent-trente-huit._ There was a young girl from Connecticut Who went out in only her pecticut, Which the neighbours did find Showed her presence of mind, But deplorable absense of ecticut. A fabulous fruiter named Durst Found that beatings made life just a curse, So when he ventured hence, He assured his defense With a dildo he kept in his purse. The fire in my loins had been stirred By the sight of the young Mr. Hurd, So I gathered my pluck, And inquired, “Do you fuck?” He said “Yes, but please don’t use that word.” ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/69 "2000-08-26T00:29:24Z")
A fag by the name of Calhoun Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what and with which and to whom. ---
### Author: ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/70 "2000-08-26T01:13:57Z")
These originals, though rough-hewn and crass, Oft make me roll and laugh off my ass. But please let’s refrain From those cliches (oh, pain!): Dave, Nantucket, and balls of brass. ---
### Author: ![DVous\_Means](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/71 "2000-08-26T12:33:23Z")
An accident really uncanny Befell a respectable Granny She sat down in a chair While her false teeth were there And bit herself right in the fanny ---
### Author: ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/72 "2000-08-26T12:42:27Z")
What does not kill me, says Nietzche Makes me strong. (oh, that is just peachy) So I won’t take a peak For a whole goddamn week But at least I’ll be at the beachy. _It’s true, folks…I’m off to Myrtle Beach, SC…see y’all next Saturday_. Peace, TN\*hippie ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/73 "2000-08-26T16:01:11Z")
There was a young poet of Winnipeg, Who swiftly departed from Winnipeg, He moved to Thetford Mines, With which everything rhymes, Whereas _nothing at all_ rhymes with Winnipeg. ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/74 "2000-08-26T16:03:29Z")
How do you sing a song about Iowa? The name doesn’t rhyme with anything except my, oh wha- T a state of beauty, A state of grace, And here is a song in its praice. ---
### Author: ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/75 "2000-08-26T16:23:22Z")
There once was a limericist\* named Matt who pulled zillions of them from his hat. Asked “How do you do it” Said “I simply intuit a touch of profane with eclat.” (\*I think I made up this word) ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/76 "2000-08-26T16:34:18Z")
A limerick monger named Matt Said, “Yes, they flood out of my hat, But that’s just the bag Of a horny young fag. It’s got nothing to do with eclat.” ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/77 "2000-08-26T16:37:15Z")
The S&M Bar, oh my dears, Is a place to get stomped on, for queers. You’ll be beaten and sat on And pissed on and shat on - The _thrill_ of your gayest young years! With her beau a young lady named Mary Arranged up the back way to tarry. She said, “I’ve got a strap-on, So let’s make it happ-on, And find what’s such fun for a fairy.” ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/78 "2000-08-26T16:43:43Z")
**Esprix** (not Espricks) said one day, “I insist it be said the right way. I will not move to France, But to _la belle province_,” To which **matt\_mcl** said, quote, “Yay.” ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/79 "2000-08-26T16:47:25Z")
A Gay Guy named **Esprix** found ways To come north for a dopefest, and gaze Upon **matt\_mcl** , Who took him home, and - well - They haven’t been seen in five days. ---
### Author: ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl) #### Post date: [August 26, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/80 "2000-08-26T16:51:13Z")
That bitchy queen, **matt\_mcl** , said, “ **Esprix** , get your ass in my bed! How long must you tarry? Either fuck me _now_, Mary, Or I’ll come on to **Hastur** instead.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123.md?page=5)