# limericks
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 21, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123 "2000-08-21T03:56:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 6
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/101 "2000-08-28T19:56:08Z")
The Spider gal thought “Why, that knave!
He’s actually been watching me bathe!
While I rinsed out my hair,
he was standing right there.
Now that is exceedingly brave.”
“In re to this flirtatious smattering,
I must say I find it quite flattering.”
Though I’ve promised my troth,
with this rhyming I quoth:
“It does send my heart pit-a-pattering.”
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2000, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/102 "2000-08-28T20:47:01Z")
The curves of the Spider I see,
she lathers herself gracefully;
To lurk seemed alright,
Now I long for the night,
That she abandons her chastity.
* * *
If you must choose between two evils,
pick the one you’ve never tried before!
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2000, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/103 "2000-08-28T21:51:07Z")
Although all the limericks are prime,
and the sharp repartee most sublime,
I must take a short leave;
Give you all a reprieve
though I’ll be returning in time.
While my webs I am weaving and stitching,
I am finding this forum enriching,
But I’m modest and shy
so I must say good-bye
If it’s too hot, stay out of the kitchen.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/104 "2000-08-28T23:56:18Z")
No office can keep me enslaved,
For my wit is much too depraved;
As I sit here at home,
pondering enriched foam,
I wonder if Spider is shaved. 😕
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/105 "2000-08-29T13:43:00Z")
I digressed and offered a rhyme,
That perhaps was covered with slime,
To Spider I say,
please join me today,
And hand her Corona with lime.
Though Corona is not fit to drink,
I offered before I could think,
Make it up to the lass,
by giving a glass,
Of champagne, then devilishly wink.
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/106 "2000-08-29T15:09:53Z")
What a shameless display of pure lust
He’s been watching her rubbing her bust!
And descriptions so candid
Are a bit underhanded
(But you two will continue, I trust?!)
There once was painter, Pierre
Who while working enjoyed being bare
When asked to get dressed
He quickly confessed
I cannot, I believe Laisser Faire
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/107 "2000-08-29T15:19:37Z")
The **Trade** has misunderstood,
My intentions, which really are good,
I observed the fair Spider,
and then gently plied her,
with drink, to see if “she would”.
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/108 "2000-08-29T19:56:06Z")
I’ll pass on champagne, SouthernStyle
though with your new rhymes you beguile
me back into this thread,
it remains to be said,
whether I’ll stay for a while.
I appreciate humor and wit.
I like most of your posts quite a bit.
tradesilicon is also
a verse virtuoso
I just love this thread, I’ll admit.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/109 "2000-08-29T19:58:08Z")
I’ll bump this thread one more time,
With a message, in form of a rhyme;
I’ve waited all day,
for someone to play,
this game, a fan of which I’m.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/110 "2000-08-29T20:04:24Z")
No one had posted so then,
I waited until quarter past ten,
When the thread got a bump,
Spider was quicker to jump,
The simul-post has struck again,
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/111 "2000-08-29T22:48:35Z")
The Styler has urged for more posts
His own ample entries he boasts
Now that spider checked in
I’m displaying a grin
‘Cause in spinnin’ a rhyme, she’s the most! 😉
There once was a man from Brazil
Who’s grilfriend stopped taking the pill
‘You’ve had all your fun
Here comes your little one’
Down his backside he just felt a chill
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/112 "2000-08-29T23:09:07Z")
While Spider wove webs in her garden
a wandering fly begged her pardon.
“May I watch while you weave
and your method perceive?”
Poor fly, that mistake was a hard one.
As she wrapped him in shimmering bonds,
and suspended him over the pond,
said “Your life’s sacrifice
will be really quite nice
for feeding my brood in yon fronds.”
Now all that remains of that fly
are his gossamer wings, (and one eye)
Beauty can be treacherous
so if you are lecherous
tis best just to pass spiders by.
---
### Author:  [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)
#### Post date: [August 29, 2000, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/113 "2000-08-29T23:28:13Z")
While watching the Spider with pride
I’m invited to follow inside
“It’s a snack that we need”
And proceeded to feed
Her entire mishpucha with my hyde
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/114 "2000-08-30T02:33:20Z")
With **Style** Spider **trade** s repartee
and she’s thinking “It’s easy to see,
These limericks while trivial
help make life convivial
I hope that you all will agree.”
Now the hour is getting quite late
my posting for now must abate.
The keyboard is stuttering
my eyelids are shuttering
Tomorrow I’ll again participate.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/115 "2000-08-30T13:24:24Z")
Today is just one more day,
Buf offers me venue to say;
The game is sure fun,
I hope it’s not done,
Can Spider come out and play?
**Spider Woman** sure has the knack,
Her wit’s as sharp as a tack,
When playing the game,
she calls me by name,
Talent she sure doesn’t lack!
It’s time for **Trade** to check in,
As quiet has replaced the din;
Show us your style,
and grant us a smile,
For with your post we all win.
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/116 "2000-08-30T19:47:44Z")
While perusing such witty retortage,
This spider has noticed a shortage:
there are only three left!
Poor Spider, bereft,
wants to hear from more Limmers, all sortage!
tradesilicon and SouthernStyle
faithful posters have been for a while.
And though their diligence
shows much intelligence,
More poets should help us compile!
Although we have rhymingly waxed
my poor brain is quite over-taxed.
To lessen the onus
I wish some would join us
before my poor efforts are axed.
And even if you’ve never tried
composition of limericks snide
All you need is some rhythm
and rhyming skills, with 'em
You can type limericks with pride!
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/117 "2000-08-30T19:56:46Z")
This certainly makes my day,
To see the **Spider** at play;
We need some more folks,
for rhyming and jokes,
So invite your friends, OK?
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/118 "2000-08-30T20:01:46Z")
Someday, I’ll learn to hit ‘Preview’,
The purpose of which is to review;
Just press it with ease,
and do as you please,
To a limerick that has become askew.
---
### Author:  [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/119 "2000-08-30T20:27:35Z")
It’s down to just **Spider** and me,
The others are mass casualty,
From all that I’ve read,
it’s the end of the thread,
Started by **TN\*Hippie**.
: condolences to the thread :
:wally to the quitters. 😃
---
### Author:  [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2000, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/120 "2000-08-30T20:41:19Z")
I haven’t quit yet, you can see
Although it is just you and me.
but my posting is floundering
and I am still wondering
If others will join this small spree.
[This one’s _really_ reaching.]
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