# limericks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123 "2000-08-21T03:56:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/121 "2000-08-30T21:47:51Z")
The poster known only as trade Was suddenly gone for a day It was not my choice To silence my voice But because I had to earn my pay There once was a man from the moon Who came to the earth for a noon He took one good stare At the state of affairs And decided he can’t get back to soon ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/122 "2000-08-31T00:01:18Z")
There once was a wandering minstrel sporting foolscap and bells and some tinsel his madrigals sweetly he warbled repletely whilst traveling about in a tumbrel. He met a penurious jester while working a gig in Gloucester. These two roving bards practiced spoofs and canards and with them their audience did pester. They left in great haste from that town, the Mayor ousted singer and clown. They slunk into hiding and came back reciting until in a Pit they were thrown. The moral of this story, I should Make it clear so it is understood. When the crowd starts to jostle the Players, it’s hostile! Get out while the getting is good! ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/123 "2000-08-31T00:15:21Z")
Obviously, we missed ya \*\*trade[/], Your wit - the razor sharp blade, While you was o’er yonder, your fate we did ponder, I certainly hope you got laid. I cannot believe my foul verse, In shame, my soul does emerse, Best wishes my friend, I intended to send, Tell me – was she a nurse? Again, with verse I do blunder, My morals are all torn asunder, To “be out by morning”, is the **Spider** warning, Or hell will break loose like all thunder. sigh… hopeless, huh? I’ll try one last time to be good, Like anonymous dopers all should, My halo ahines bright, I prove through the night, That even when bad, I’m still good. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/124 "2000-08-31T00:20:45Z")
Just because I don’t proof, I publish another small goof, “Correct it at once”, is yelled at the dunce, Good typing is simply aloof. Obviously, we missed ya **trade** , Your wit - the razor sharp blade, While you was o’er yonder, your fate we did ponder, I certainly hope you got laid. I cannot believe my foul verse, In shame, my soul does emerse, Best wishes my friend, I intended to send, Tell me – was she a nurse? Again, with verse I do blunder, My morals are all torn asunder, To “be out by morning”, is the **Spider** ’s warning, Or hell will break loose like all thunder. sigh… hopeless, huh? I’ll try one last time to be good, Like anonymous dopers all should, My halo ahines bright, I prove through the night, That even when bad, I’m still good. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/125 "2000-08-31T01:55:01Z")
While strolling with Marcel Marceau two aspiring mimes wanted to know “Will you give us direction? Your art is perfection!” The great one said \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/126 "2000-08-31T01:57:40Z")
[glitch]dead[/glitch] :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/127 "2000-08-31T11:58:31Z")
There was a faith healer of Deal Who said, "Although pain isn’t real, If I sit on a pin, And it fractures my skin, I dislike what I fancy I feel. There once was a young man named Hall Who fell in the spring in the fall. 'Twould have been a sad thing Had he died in the spring, But he didn’t–he died in the fall. A fly and a flea in a flue Were imprisoned, so what could they do? Said the fly, “Let us flee!” Said the flea “Let us fly!” So they flew through a flaw in the flue. There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They came back from the ride With the lady inside And the smile on the face of the tiger. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/128 "2000-08-31T12:07:04Z")
I fear I have lost inspiration and I’m wracking my brain in frustration To provide us with kicks I’ll do a quick fix Ready-mades require no perspiration. And though they are “author unknown,” They are better, by far, than my own. and until I return from my daily sojurn, those limericks I hope you’ll condone. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/129 "2000-08-31T15:13:56Z")
The Spider and Styler did create Both verse and an atmosphere great I feel I’m at home Not far shall I roam From the thread that I never can hate Ah Styler, thanks for the prayers It shows that you do truly care Since I am betroved And hopelessly in love No nurses will handle my wares There once was a two fisted Drinker With beer and with wine he did tinker When mixing the two He was heard to eschew “I’m beered not as wine as you’d think’a” ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/130 "2000-08-31T15:28:29Z")
Gosh, **trade** , don’t make a fuss, Like Underdog, we’re just ‘little ole us’, Until Saturday, this game I can’t play, As I take a short work hiatus. A friend called me and asked me to fish, To join him, he was was his wish, So today and tomorrow, with not any sorrow, I’ll eat from a bag, not a dish. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/131 "2000-08-31T16:03:34Z")
“I’m off to go fishin’” said he Just leaving the Spider and Me Don’t worry 'bout us, And I won’t make a fuss Since I am in good company There once was a Fisherman stout Who battled with one giant trout He pulled this way and that But the fish was a brat And that trout ate that man, have no doubt ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/132 "2000-08-31T19:37:51Z")
There once was a buzzard, aesthete whose life seemed somewhat incomplete. This scavenging vulture loved books, music and culture much better than any dead meat. So she flew off in hopes of obtaining, in ballet some classical training. She learned jete and plie in an avian way and acquired some skills in refraining. At her first audition she did make a lasting impression, (no mistake) but for all of her trouble they made her stunt double for the star cygnusette of “Swan Lake.” With plumage all powdered and white and black mask and make-up just right she entered on cue but errantly flew so was passing out programs next night. There have been ugly duckings that mustered swanly attributes, pearls greatly lustered, that’s in fairy tale fun but when all’s said and done, A vulture is always a buzzard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/133 "2000-08-31T20:00:10Z")
While composing that feather-brained post I’ve decided now that is the most, the longest I’ve written and I am admittin’ I think that my mind I have lost. Although there’s no need for confession these limericks are my new obsession this addiction’s not fiction but scurrilous affliction for which there’s no hope of redemption. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/134 "2000-08-31T22:22:57Z")
Once you start… There once was doctor McBreeth Who in undressing lady patients was brief They thought it was strange That he should arrange All this just to look at their teeth! There once was a prominant Madam Who help higher office than Adam For she was the first To quench Adam’s thirst For he wanted 'em, and she had 'em ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/135 "2000-09-01T01:17:55Z")
A pink unicorn once was ensnared by unchivalrous knaves who had dared to enslave and inspect her no one could protect her thus very poorly she fared. Her rosy hue started to fade She foundered; her hooves became splayed Her fetlocks were shorn. Then her beauteous horn was ground to a healing pomade. When after a few years she died, a few who remembered her cried. But most said “Of course she was only a horse.” What was she? (for you to decide) Since then in this modern world wide many mysteries have withered when plied. When too closely dissected their magic defected 'Tis best to let unicorns hide. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/136 "2000-09-01T02:21:16Z")
The last limericists asked each other “Is there no lurking sister or brother to assist our endeavors but don’t be too clever just add to these verses another.” My posts, which are long and obscure are filling this page, and it’s clear since Styler’s gone fishing tradesilicon is wishing that others would join us back here. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/137 "2000-09-01T14:41:05Z")
'Ole Scylla with a mind like a trap eyed Spider women taking a nap moving quietly and quick he moved in fast and slick but only got for his troubles a slap ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/138 "2000-09-01T14:54:27Z")
While bitingly greatly debatin’ Scylla into this thread came a-skatin’ I hope that he’ll stay and a while with us play so to him this verse I’m dedicatin’. Spider legs are not useful for slappin’ she has been too industrioustly wrappin’ those legs\* round a pen \*(there are many of them) but bitng has been known to happen. [bares fangs] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/139 "2000-09-01T14:59:28Z")
The “forgot to hit preview” bug bit the poor spider, she errantly writ typos and misspellings. She hopes that’s not quelling Any limericist’s urge to submit. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123/140 "2000-09-01T15:32:23Z")
Invited to come here and post, I see that my skills are at most barely on par with others who are sufficiently skilled they can boast. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/30123.md?page=8)