# LIMERICKS
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 7, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002 "1999-09-07T04:12:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/1 "1999-09-07T04:12:00Z")
There once was a long-haired hillbilly
Who liked to make rhymes that sound silly.
He invited his pals
(StraightDope guys & gals)
To post doggerel here willy-nilly.
---
### Author:  [@JZStone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JZStone)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/2 "1999-09-07T04:37:00Z")
I came upon she who was dreaming,
and my mind with a jolt starting scheming,
If she’d join me less chaste,
and would wed me post haste
Then my heart would forever be steaming…
- dedicated to my love, jazzmine
* * *
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most
intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
Darwin
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/3 "1999-09-07T04:43:00Z")
A friend asked of the system (this thread):
“Must the poem come from my head?”
I said “Yes, please don’t buck it.
We’ve all heard of Nantucket
And the hermit who liked his whores dead.”
---
### Author:  [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/4 "1999-09-07T04:49:00Z")
There once was a girl ruled by fate
whose motto was “never too late”
in love she did fall
on her knees she would crawl
to keep him forever her mate.
trisha 🙂
* * *
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice - Albert Einstein
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/5 "1999-09-07T04:51:00Z")
I’ve recently seen a nice ripple
Of interest in the male nipple.
A kiss or a squeeze
Makes me weak in the knees
And the size of my penis can triple.
---
### Author:  [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/6 "1999-09-07T07:49:00Z")
Tennhippie, a poster with style,
Dared us to contribute a smile.
But he did it so well -
My own verses smell!
So I’ll give it a rest for awhile.
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/7 "1999-09-07T13:51:00Z")
“Suck” as a curse is my peeve
'Cause it’s a pleasurable thing, I believe.
I’ve got nothing moral
Against anything oral
And I love to both give and receive.
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/8 "1999-09-07T13:59:00Z")
Likewise, “fuck” as a negative word
Is a concept I find quite absurd.
When you say “Fuck you”
I say “Yes, please; you too!”
But insult is invariably inferred.
---
### Author:  [@Skullar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skullar)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/9 "1999-09-07T14:18:00Z")
## There once was a mathematician Who preferred an exotic position. 'Twas the joy of his life To achieve with his wife Topologically complex coition
Kobolde, die sich mit rotheissen Schuereisen unter Aussenaborten verbergen.
---
### Author:  [@sly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sly)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/10 "1999-09-07T15:37:00Z")
While I often peruse the straight dope,
I’ve noticed some posters who cope
With wisdom and wit
Like taking a shit
And wiping their ass with a rope!
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 7, 1999, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/11 "1999-09-07T16:41:00Z")
One thing you guys do has me vexed:
Foreign quotes at the end of your text.
I’m monolingual, you see,
So it’s all Greek to me:
Of which I know salad and sex.
---
### Author:  [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/12 "1999-09-08T05:53:00Z")
Tennhippie-You are truly gifted.
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/13 "1999-09-08T03:45:00Z")
To call it a gift with such haste
Suggests you have questionable taste.
Though puns from this brain
Have caused wincing pain,
It’s a terrible mind thing to waste.
---
### Author:  [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/14 "1999-09-08T04:10:00Z")
One time I was with my dear Heather,
I tortured her with a light feather,
“That’s okay” she replied,
“But I prefer some raw hide,”
So I went out and bought whips of leather!
* * *
Brian O’Neill
CMC International Records
[rockuniverse.com/cmc/cmc.html](http://rockuniverse.com/cmc/cmc.html)
ICQ 35294890
AIM Scrabble1
Yahoo Messenger Brian\_ONeill
---
### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/15 "1999-09-08T04:23:00Z")
There once was a man from Peru
Who’s limerick lines ended in two…
Damn.
---
### Author:  [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/16 "1999-09-08T04:50:00Z")
There once was a fellow named Satan
Whose pic made gals wish they were datin’
This devil in denim
And all the sin in ‘im
That made Rosemary regret that hot matin’
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/17 "1999-09-08T04:58:00Z")
These philosophers start up some thread
Where I am confusedly led
Through debates on Free Will
Or whether All includes Nill:
Heated intercourse that occurs not in bed.
---
### Author:  [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/18 "1999-09-08T05:11:00Z")
There was a longhaired hopper of clod
Who thought it’d be cute to play GOD.
He acted real cool
But he forgot (the poor fool)
That I could turn him right back into sod.
---
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/19 "1999-09-08T05:18:00Z")
So the Old Guy thinks he’s so bad
That I’ll cower just because he is mad.
Well, for betta or worsa,
**I** made **him** , not vice versa.
So chill out in my image, Big Dad!
---
### Author:  [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)
#### Post date: [September 8, 1999, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/20 "1999-09-08T15:33:00Z")
Hippie, I laughed out loud at your last one. Good job!
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