# LIMERICKS **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002 "1999-09-07T04:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/21 "1999-09-08T18:54:00Z")
A poet who wrote greeting cards Thought himself the greatest of bards While not quite the strongest, He did write the longest… An ode on a sheet, length: nine yards. Included in this poem’s scope Was stuff he learned from the Straight Dope He wanted to cry, There’s no third word with -gry! For some folks, there just isn’t hope. * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [ckeller@schicktech.com](mailto:ckeller@schicktech.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/22 "1999-09-09T05:22:00Z")
While pondering the Oneness of Zen, My satirical satori asks “what then?” If I become one with all, Am I not me, but y’all? Or just GOD and those sharing my yen? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/23 "1999-09-09T05:45:00Z")
Two lovers on the edge of a chasm Were locked in a sexual spasm; With a climactic yell, Together they fell To a genuinely shattering orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/24 "1999-09-09T06:54:00Z")
I thought Dopers to be creatively intrepid, But response to this thread has been tepid. Don’t be shy; no rules to it; And bad spellers can do it… See? A big spotted cat is a **lepid**. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/25 "1999-09-09T07:33:00Z")
TennHippie you probably know With lim’ricks, you put on a show It’s so tough to beat When you turn on the heat That’s why no one else gives it a go ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/26 "1999-09-09T16:34:00Z")
To clarify an earlier post on Zen, In which I used the word **yen** : I meant not money but yearning For spiritual learning, So don’t be **yang** ing my **yin**. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/27 "1999-09-09T16:43:00Z")
Speaking of the ol’ yang and yin, I notice a phenomenon herein: Most entries (is it odd?) Are from Satan and GOD; I guess opposites attract, once again! ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/28 "1999-09-10T05:57:00Z")
With poetry gifts that are stunning. His talents are rhyming and punning, From the top of his head, (And I think that he said) More than that, he’s linguistically cunning. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/29 "1999-09-09T18:19:00Z")
TennHippie, you’re causing some strife With poems about sex and your life. I admit I’m confused - From threads I’ve perused, I always thought GOD was your wife! ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/30 "1999-09-09T18:53:00Z")
That Tennessee fellow is hip. He’s quick with a comeback and quip. But, no, God’s not his sister. So maybe he missed her, After all, when he blocked off that chip. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/31 "1999-09-09T20:22:00Z")
Finish this one for me: There once was a man from Nantucket… I’ve never heard the rest. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/32 "1999-09-09T21:06:00Z")
Orange fits bad in a limerick, And silver no less of a trick. For a month I would cry And give purple a try, But it still not a poem I’d pick! * * * Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/33 "1999-09-09T22:51:00Z")
A favorite from Edward Lear (for 40 years): There was an old man of Thermopylae who never did anything properly But they said “If you choose To boil eggs in your shoes You shall never remain in Thermoplyae.” ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/34 "1999-09-10T00:30:00Z")
Okay, Shirley (I can’t believe I’m doing this): There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, “If my ear was a c\_nt I could f\_ck it”. Hmmm. Aren’t you glad you asked? ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/35 "1999-09-10T00:35:00Z")
Cecil quoted that one in \*More of the Straight Dope. 😉 * * * “If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge ---
**Author:** ![TMR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@TMR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TMR)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/36 "1999-09-10T01:02:00Z")
Thus spake I Am That I Am: “For the Virgin I give not a damn. What pleases Me most Is to bugger the Ghost And then be sucked off by the Lamb.” There was a strong man of Drumrig Who one day did seven times frig Then buggered two sailors, Five Jews and three tailors, And ended by fucking a pig. * * * “If A=B, B=C, and C=D, do not get a job proofreading” --Quid’s Theorem ---
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/37 "1999-09-10T02:29:00Z")
In one episode of Star Trek: TNG, when the ship is infected by a virus that makes people act drunk, Data begins quoting a limerick he heard over the intercom from engineering: “There was a young lady from Venus Whose body was shaped like a…” Picard cuts him off by yelling for a status report or something. Anyone care to finish the limerick? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/38 "1999-09-10T03:06:00Z")
Today’s contributions were clever: A delightful poetic endeavor. But I’m begging you guys– Please don’t plagiarize! If you do, then this thread I shall sever. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/39 "1999-09-10T03:16:00Z")
The subject is often debated As to if you’re evolved or created. For a clue, look at me: Am I from Tennessee? And if so, by good luck or ill-fated? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/40 "1999-09-10T03:17:00Z")
I’ve been reading this thread for a while, Though limericks just aren’t my style. But I’ll give it a whirl, 'Cuz I’m that kind of girl… Nah, this sucks, so I’ll end with a smile 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=3)