# LIMERICKS **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002 "1999-09-07T04:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/41 "1999-09-10T03:53:00Z")
I once had a girl o’re for dinner Doing my best so i could win her But my supper was awful (No one likes greasy waffles) And tasted like it was from Winter! * * * “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/42 "1999-09-10T04:00:00Z")
There once was a guy from Toledo Who liked to ride his bike in a speedo But a bump he did hit Up the tailpipe it went And changed the baratone to soprano! * * * “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/43 "1999-09-10T05:20:00Z")
There was a young lady from Venus Whose body was shaped like a penis. “Come give me a hug, And I’ll splatter the rug, 'Cause we haven’t got latex between us!” ## Is it just me, or do I have a twisted mind? Bob the Random Expert “If we don’t have the answer, we’ll make one up.” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/44 "1999-09-10T13:19:00Z")
There once was a man named Horatio Who pondered at length on the ratio Of men to women who believe It’s better to give than receive: Women won, hands down, with fellatio. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/45 "1999-09-10T13:39:00Z")
For months on this board I’ve read posts On science, religion, and personal roasts, Politics and dreams; But my favorites, it seems, Are the ones about breasts and butts and bedposts. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/46 "1999-09-10T14:37:00Z")
With TennHippie’s thinking, (so base!) And that lecherous smirk on his face, How could you admire him Or I divinely inspire him To represent **me** in this place? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/47 "1999-09-10T14:49:00Z")
While I flirt with the likes of Dianne, Byz, and Trish; Spiritually speaking, I’m a satellite dish. I’m human, don’t be awed Just 'cause I channel GOD; I can’t pee wine or multiply fish. ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 1999, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/48 "1999-09-10T18:32:00Z")
There is a nice whore in Pawtucket Who can grab your cob and shuck it The sign over her door Is graced with this lore If you can find better pussy cheaper then f#ck it Ronald McDaonald was an itinerant clown His shtick included pulling his pants down He showed the little boys How to play with their toys Until thier parents would run him out of town ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/49 "1999-09-11T06:38:00Z")
A guy with an oral obsession Met a girl who suffered repression. But he did not spurn 'er For she was a quick learner Once she found out “blow” was just an expression. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/50 "1999-09-11T06:47:00Z")
Guys can really be such damn fools With their focus on organs as tools. Thinking “bigger is better” When in fact gals get much wetter With sweet talk and caresses (and in pools). ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/51 "1999-09-11T09:48:00Z")
My woman done gone and left me She used to aim whilst I pee Now I’m distraught At frightening thought That she’s fondling another’s wee-wee ---
**Author:** ![Pooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Pooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pooch)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/52 "1999-09-11T10:26:00Z")
There was a court jester whose prose was so bad everyone laughed through his nose. They thought he was illiterate, but in fact it was deliberate. He was banned for bad grammar, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Toymaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc8723/32.png) [@Toymaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toymaker)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/53 "1999-09-11T12:55:00Z")
There once was an infamous hall, Where there was no gravity at all. What a glorious feeling To screw on the ceiling, And to ball on the wall and not fall. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/54 "1999-09-11T16:19:00Z")
High school was boring as hell, But one English teacher was swell. I wish she were here (She’s departed, poor dear) To see how Lit class served me well. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/55 "1999-09-11T21:30:00Z")
A delightful poem is the limerick. Silliness makes you a winner. (Ick!) You may freely abuse Any word that you choose; e.g. the Maneuver Himherlick. ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/56 "1999-09-11T21:47:00Z")
There is a young Clinton named Chelsea Whose looks most men find kind of cheesy I don’t quite concur My heart she makes purr I hope that doesn’t make me sound sleezy SUN-E-VU DAIRY- Hoping you get butter soon ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 1999, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/57 "1999-09-12T10:06:00Z")
Some brave mountaineers climbed Everest Putting their minds and bodies to the test Some would summit Others would plummet And have an icy grave for their final rest SUN-E-VU DAIRY- Emptying Teats twice daily ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/58 "1999-09-13T05:16:00Z")
Ever since I emerged from the womb I’ve loved limericks, and will to the tomb. Though I’m not good at timing And even worse at rhyming, I’ll continue to write them with aplomb. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/59 "1999-09-13T06:17:00Z")
They were just getting good: don’t stop! Humor as good as O. Wilde’s (the fop) In case you were wondering About this shameless blundering: Yes, I’m getting this thread back on top! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/60 "1999-09-13T06:21:00Z")
I can’t keep this up there alone, Though on and on I could drone. Getting sleepy and surly Because morning comes early When you live in the Eastern Time Zone! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=4)