# LIMERICKS **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002 "1999-09-07T04:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Pooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Pooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pooch)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/61 "1999-09-13T07:01:00Z")
If your limericks are getting boring you should wait and try in the morning get some coffee in your veins pop a few amphetamines and the verses will start pouring ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/62 "1999-09-13T14:38:00Z")
O.K. First I have to rant: On “reverend” Fred Phelps I’ve a thought I hope his arteries clot On his tiny brain Should come unbearable pain On all of humanity he’s a blot As hate and ignorance spread I blame a “reverend” named Fred The Bible he quotes It’s too bad he votes Cuz now science all Kansans dread The cursed Westboro Church Is truly an unholy perch It spews vile hate It just doesn’t rate For Truth I’ll continue the search ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/63 "1999-09-13T14:39:00Z")
Now a couple of lighter ones: I’m glad that I use a T-1 Any less just isn’t as fun I tried DSL And @Home as well But I couldn’t make Roadrunner run Oedipus, Oedipus Rex The Oracle’s words you vex You try to do right But it’s fate that you fight Your mother’s been giving you sex. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 1999, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/64 "1999-09-13T14:40:00Z")
And finally, an homage to the gifted OP: ## Tennhippie’s truly the master of witty iambic pentameter With a quick turn of phrase He’ll always amaze We who can’t think ‘em up any faster Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/65 "1999-09-14T00:21:00Z")
I hope we will soon see the end Of this Limerick making trend I’m hoping we’ll shed Needs to add to this thread I think Tennhippie needs to make some ammends! ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/66 "1999-09-14T02:36:00Z")
You guys write these poems too easily! As for me, it doesn’t come so craftily. I think and I thunk, but out comes just junk. So I think I’ll give up rather hastily! * * * “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/67 "1999-09-14T13:45:00Z")
It’s clear that he’s literally prolific, Poetic, and limerically terrific, So I like this thread, TennHippie’s far and ahead, Of the rest of us (to be specific). ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/68 "1999-09-14T14:34:00Z")
All of the things y’all have said Have made my face turn quite red. But I love the battery Of both flame and flattery It swells me…no, not **that** head! ---
**Author:** ![Pooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Pooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pooch)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/69 "1999-09-14T15:39:00Z")
Suppose posts to the pit had to rhyme? Posters would probably take more time. If we all flame in meter, It’ll improve our demeanor, And our slagging would then be sublime. ---
**Author:** ![Wordsmith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/47e85d/32.png) [@Wordsmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wordsmith)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/70 "1999-09-14T19:05:00Z")
Every night as I lie down in bed, I find myself pond’ring this thread: “Must I give up the ghost Or should I dare to post?” …I await your responses with dread. * * * Wordsmith: One of the elite few who knows that George Herbert Walker Bush was a Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog. ---
**Author:** ![Wordsmith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/47e85d/32.png) [@Wordsmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wordsmith)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/71 "1999-09-14T19:07:00Z")
Fellow Southerners should best avoid That windstorm known only as Floyd. If you shun my advice And say “Rain might be nice” Then you should be prepared for the Void. * * * Wordsmith: One of the elite few who knows that George Herbert Walker Bush was a Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog. ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/72 "1999-09-14T20:32:00Z")
I am just a Lurker by nature Though my posts’ shall grow greater and greater But here I must stand In Limerick Land And Protest this Demeaning Behavior Such great minds we have seen here That shout out to those far and near Their opinions and fame They’ll loudly exclaim That us newbies tread only with fear But now I see other sides Of those overwelmingly brilliant minds Bad rhythm and rhyme Time after Time is just tourture of the cruelest of kinds ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/73 "1999-09-14T22:04:00Z")
Ahh, new posters, new meat Whom we may with words beat Over their head Until they’re red Or fallen flat onto their seat SUN-E-VU DAIRY- Have you cut the cheese today? ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 1999, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/74 "1999-09-14T23:00:00Z")
I see that you’re waxing poetic Or perhaps I should say _pathetic_ Please wait till I’m done 'Cause this Post is in fun I thought your rhyme was terrific ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/75 "1999-09-15T01:08:00Z")
Myths persist with annoying tenacity, As if we had not the capacity For common sense and logic To take on the project Of determining a legend’s veracity. ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/76 "1999-09-15T12:06:00Z")
Good Morning!(he says with a yawn) I greet you along with the dawn I’m sitting at work Gonna work while I lurk While Floyd just blows on and on. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/77 "1999-09-15T15:08:00Z")
There once was a storm named Floyd I was hoping it would avoid The place called Raleigh 'Cause that’s where I be This is a pain in the ass - Yes, a hemmorhoid! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/78 "1999-09-15T15:22:00Z")
The same old masturbation got bland: For a thrill I’d “cheat” with my left hand. It became so habitual, This ambidextrous ritual, A foot may be my next one night stand. ---
**Author:** ![No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/no_me_ayudes_compadre/32/5224_2.png) [@No\_Me\_Ayudes\_Compadre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Me_Ayudes_Compadre)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/79 "1999-09-15T16:00:00Z")
There once was a woman from Wheeling Who had a peculiar feeling She laid on her back And opened her crack And started to pee on the ceiling. ---
**Author:** ![okatym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@okatym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/okatym)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 1999, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002/80 "1999-09-15T16:03:00Z")
Satan doesn’t want any therapy, So I thought that I’d write a small parody. Because of his Satan complex He’d rather talk about sex With a stripper or someone named Heatherlee. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/limericks/8002.md?page=5)