# Lines to spoil a movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 20, 2008, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045 "2008-12-20T06:17:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/61 "2008-12-22T18:35:58Z")
Temple of doom. Mobster: A drink Mr. Jones? Indiana: I’m not thirsty, besides I don’t trust you guys. Now give me my diamond before my partner shoots you. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/62 "2008-12-22T21:50:35Z")
_Fight Club_ Jack: Stewardess? I’d like to buy a drink for my friend Tyler here. Tyler, what’ll you have? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/63 "2008-12-22T22:47:59Z")
You’re all clear, kid - now blow this thing and let’s go home! Hey, and get Artoo to make an online payment to a Mos Eisley account when you’re done, wouldya? Wouldn’t want _that_ debt hanging over me… ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/64 "2008-12-23T01:28:14Z")
“How did my father die?” “Well, he’s not actually dead, _per se_. He was a Jedi Knight, but then he turned to evil and changed his name to Darth Vader. Rather a funny story about that; we had this big fight on the edge of a river of molten lava, and I chopped off most of his limbs and then after that he caught on fire and was lying there screaming in pain and I just walked off and left him to die–I could be quite a little prick back in those days, let me tell you. It’s OK, though, he pulled through and got replacement cybernetic limbs; nowadays he’s seven feet tall and wears this black breath mask on account of the lung damage. Oh, and the chick whose hologram you were drooling over is actually your sister and–Hey, where are you going?” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/65 "2008-12-23T03:41:54Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > …And another one for slasher flicks: > > “You know what? We should do the responsible thing here, instead of whatever dumbfuck plan we first think of while drunk and/or panicked.” As Alfred Hitchcock once told a reporter, “The people in my films do not call the police because that would be no fun.” ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/66 "2008-12-23T04:50:19Z")
**The Princess Bride** : “Ew, it’s my _grandfather_. Here he comes to pinch my cheeks again and read one of those stupid old fairy tale stories. I’ll fake being asleep until he go downstairs or something.” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/67 "2008-12-23T07:42:36Z")
The Sound of Music: Nun: Mother Superior, Captain Von Trapp needs a nanny for his children. Mother Superior: Send Maria. On second thought, no, she’s much too flighty. Send Sister Agnes instead. She’s been a nun for 60 years, and she deserves to get out of the convent. Besides, it’s a way to get her out of the choir without having to tell her she’s tone deaf. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/68 "2008-12-23T13:39:47Z")
Wait Until Darkk–Look, my wife’s blind and even _she_ could tell that doll is butt ugly. Toss it out with the rest of the garbage. Oh, it landed on an old knife and was impaled. Well, no harm done. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/69 "2008-12-24T01:12:23Z")
_Xanadu_ “That old dance hall is 'way too decrepit to reclaim. Better we just let it fall in on itself.” _The Lion in Winter_ “Eleanor, by God, you’re far too irritating to allow to live. Guards!” _WALL-E_ “ERROR MESSAGE 44120. Warranty terms grossly exceeded. Automatic shutdown commencing in 5… 4… 3…” _Apocalypse Now_ “Eh, Kurtz isn’t worth worrying about. Another drink?” _Yes Man_ “My life sucks and it’s time I turned over a new leaf… but not just by saying ‘Yes’ to everything! That’d be stupid.”\* \*Actually, I really enjoyed the film. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/70 "2008-12-24T01:12:41Z")
**Titanic** : the old bitty has the necklace. Someone tackle her before she does something stupid with it like throw it overboard. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/71 "2008-12-24T04:01:13Z")
**Casablanca** Rick: “I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.” Ilsa: Not get on the plane? Well _of course_ I’m getting on the plane! Why in the world do you think I’d leave my husband? And stay in this godforsaken, nazi-ridden hellhole…Oh wait! You thought…you thought that you and I…Oh…(bursts out laughing.) Oh that’s too funny Rick! Well, thanks for the letters of transit. Buh-bye! Ilsa cheerily crosses the tarmac, hugs & kisses her husband and boards the plane. Rick: Bitch! P.S.: I tried finding the actual “Moonlighting” clip that this parody comes from, but couldn’t locate it. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/72 "2008-12-24T04:05:36Z")
> [@Abby\_Emma\_Sasha](#): > > Norman Bates(_Psycho_): “Yes Mother, I’m gay and I’m leaving home.” This entire thread is more or less gold, but this particular post cracked me the hell up. Nice. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/73 "2008-12-24T16:26:11Z")
Star Wars: “What’d you blast that escape pod for? There were no life forms on it.” “You never heard of droids moron?” A Christmas Story: “I want a Red Ryder BB gun!” “Okay.” Revenge of the Sith: Mace Windu- SLICE! SLICE! “Sorry kid, I didn’t have time to sit and debate with you whether I should kill this MFer.” Home Alone: “Wait, Kevin’s not in the van!” Spiderman: “Whoa, lookout for that spider Pete.” Willy Wonka: “Crap! No ticket again.” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/74 "2008-12-24T17:29:21Z")
Any of the Jesus movies: I’m sorry, I’m a Roman official, not a hitman. If you’ve got problems with someone preaching to the poor and sick and think that the solution to this is having him murdered, all I can say is, “_You’re_ under arrest!” and have someone send a large donation to this Jesus fellow. If he’s helping the downtrodden then its less likely they’ll riot. Any of the Bond flicks: Shoot Mr. Bond in the head immediately. The Empire Strikes Back: I’ll go look for Luke in the morning. Christine: Man, what an old clunker! I bet I could get a Yugo for less money. Hamlet: Who cares if he’s asked for forgiveness? When he’s dead, I’ll be king! Jurassic Park: Wait, you’re opening an amusement park and you want a palentologist to tell you its safe? You’re an _idiot!_ That’s an _engineer’s_ job! If you’re so stupid as to think that I’m the guy you need to certify the place, then there’s no way its safe! Crimes of Passion: You want me to spy on an employee of yours? That’s pretty unethical, and potentially illegal, I think I’ll pass. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/75 "2008-12-24T18:22:31Z")
_Conan the Barbarian:_ “The Riddle of Steel?” Thulsa Doom said, “Yes, there was a time, boy, when I searched for steel, when steel meant more to me than gold or silver. I would have slaughtered everyone in your village to find out how to make steel! But then I found everything I needed on Wikipedia. They even had an article on caring for pet boa constrictors. Just look at Pookie, he’s thriving!” _Pearl Harbor:_ Admiral Kimmel: "Well, damn. Admiral Nimitz sent us a ‘war warning.’ Clearly, the only thing to do is send out patrol aircraft in all directions and get steam up in the fleet. " _Joe Vs. The Volcano:_ “I have a _brain cloud?_ Yeah, I’m getting a second opinion.” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/76 "2008-12-24T18:48:34Z")
The Warriors: “Every gang in New York City wants to kill us. Let’s take off these vests and either steal a car or take a cab back to Coney Island.” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/77 "2008-12-24T19:36:19Z")
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: “Billy, you and Candy got five minutes. It’s almost morning and I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/78 "2008-12-24T19:38:52Z")
_Apocalypse Now_: Cpt. Willard: Shit, They sent my buddy Jim to take out this Kurtz guy, now he has Jim up there as one of his own renegade army. Tell you what, Cheif. Now that Lance has the cool 1st cav surfboard, let’s just call an airstrike on Kurtz’s position. No sense getting you navy guys killed. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/79 "2008-12-25T03:29:00Z")
**American Beauty** I’m unemployed, stuck in a loveless marriage, and my teenage daughter’s friend is starting to look good to me. I need therapy. **Last Tango in Paris** Why didn’t you just wipe the cow shit off your shoes before going to the dance? **The High and the Mighty** Something doesn’t feel right with the Number 4 engine. Feather it. We can get to San Francisco on three. **Tootsie** My God she’s ugly! She looks like Dustin Hoffman in drag. **The Grapes of Wrath** It’s raining! The crop is saved! We don’t have to move to California after all. **Top Gun** Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I can tell you one thing, though, Lieutenant. It ain’t going to be you! ---
**Author:** ![Daffyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daffyd/32/8923_2.png) [@Daffyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffyd)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045/80 "2008-12-25T04:21:42Z")
\*\*Ferris Bueller’s Day Off \*\*- You know what, Cameron, skipping school might affect my GPA. I’ll see you in class at 9. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-to-spoil-a-movie/478045.md?page=5)