# Lines you WISH a certain TV/movie character had said **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 13, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126 "2003-11-13T22:58:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/1 "2003-11-13T22:58:37Z")
Hope this hasn’t been done before, or at least hasn’t been done for awhile. But I’ve been having a lot of fun in C.S. these days, so I thought try to contribute. **Kirk** : OK, Bones, go ahead and treat him. But we’re beaming up right now and warping the hell outta here. **Probst** : Hiedi and Jenna. You are two spoiled-ass bitches! **Jack Bauer** : Shoot him again, Kim!! Oh, wait. JB did say that last one! Damn, he’s good… How about: **J.B.** : Kim, go feed yourself to a mountain lion. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/2 "2003-11-14T04:07:45Z")
Tonto: Kiss my ass, Lone Ranger. Worf to his son: It is nice to be liked by your little friends, but it is more honorable to be feared by them. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/3 "2003-11-14T04:27:51Z")
Worf: “Sir, I request permission to beam Ensign Crusher into a wall.” ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/4 "2003-11-14T05:36:15Z")
Xander: I sure am glad Buffy killed that guy Spike way back when he attacked our school in junior year and he stayed dead forever. Willow: I know! Who knows how annoying he could have gotten. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/5 "2003-11-14T07:06:05Z")
Gandalf: “Don’t just stand there gawking , you fools! Pull me up, this Balrog is heavy!” ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/6 "2003-11-14T12:48:22Z")
Picard: Oh F\*\*\* the Prime Directive Worf (walks onto the bridge, pulls a phaser and shoots random crewman) Good it is still fully charged. Riker: Couldn’t you have just looked at the readout? Worf: It could have been (pause) inaccurate ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/7 "2003-11-14T15:01:10Z")
Johnny Bravo: “Enough about me. Let’s talk about _you_.” (this, of course, leads to the J-man finally getting laid) Picard: Number one, take Mr. Data, Commander Worf and Ensign Phelps down to the Dangerous Planet. Redshirt Phelps: "Oh, _hell_ no, old man! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/8 "2003-11-14T16:01:02Z")
Kirk: “Spock, Bones, you’re with me. Redshirt, go behind that big rock.” Redshirt: “Sir, I have to pee really, really bad.” ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/9 "2003-11-14T16:01:29Z")
**Conan:** I won’t be back. **Terminator:** I won’t be back. **Cop With German Accent:** I won’t be back. **Super-Commando With German Accent:** I won’t be back. (I guess I’m just tired of the guy) ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/10 "2003-11-14T16:25:34Z")
**Victor:** Rick, we’re both men of the world, and Ilsa’s been around a bit – threesome? ---
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/11 "2003-11-14T17:06:21Z")
**Morpheus:** good driving girl! **Niobe:** cheers. instead of the drivel they spouted at each other about things changing and staying the same that made no sense. **Skeletor:** help me up He-man, from falling off this cliff. I’m sorry for all my bad deeeds etc **He-man:** Bollocks you are (STAB!) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/12 "2003-11-14T17:15:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Victor: Rick, we’re both men of the world, and Ilsa’s been around a bit – threesome? Fuck no, pervert! I’m a GUY! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/13 "2003-11-14T17:37:45Z")
**Sam** : Fuck you, Rick. Play it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/14 "2003-11-14T19:59:39Z")
Counselor Troi: “Captain, I am sensing irritation, annoyance…and illness.” Captain Picard: “That’d be coming from me; you are such a bad actress you make me want to vomit!” * * * Jay Leno: "So what is your decision on running Ahh-nold?? Schwarzenegger: "Of course I’m not running for governor of California! I have only a rudimentary understanding of the political process; I have no strong opinion on any issue; and no experience whatsoever in governmental administration! I’d be completely out of my depths! The American people need serious candidates; not egotistical movie stars with too much money to throw around! * * * Xander: Perhaps Willow can perform a spell to ressurect Buffy, who just died yesterday defeating Glory? Willow: I could, but…what if our future adventures with a ressurected Buffy really suck, and tarnish the memory of previous adventures we’ve already had with her? Xander: You’re right, better leave well enough alone. Buffy ought to stay dead. At least this way, she went out in a blaze of glory (no pun intended) instead of sputtering out lamely. ---
**Author:** ![dav01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8491ac/32.png) [@dav01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dav01)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/15 "2003-11-14T20:34:55Z")
Jack: Move the hell over, Rose- I’m freezing my biscuits off in this water! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/16 "2003-11-14T20:40:54Z")
Tiny Tim: “And God bless us, every one.” Bob Crachett: “Shut the fuck up before I smack you with that crutch.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/17 "2003-11-14T20:44:05Z")
Antoninus: “I love you, Spartacus.” Spartacus: “How _you_ doin?” ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/18 "2003-11-14T20:55:49Z")
Right after the Enterprise crashed on that planet Riker: I always thought I’d have that chair someday. Picard: (Handing him the splintered chair) Here, take it. ---
**Author:** ![dav01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8491ac/32.png) [@dav01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dav01)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/19 "2003-11-14T21:07:43Z")
Forrest: Is he smart or is he d-…d-… Jenny: Actually, he sees dead people. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126/20 "2003-11-14T21:57:23Z")
Oldie but goody: **Mulder** : Freeze! FBI! Drop the sword, MacLeod, we need to talk… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-you-wish-a-certain-tv-movie-character-had-said/213126.md?page=2)