# Lines you'd LIKE to see in a children's book... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 10, 2001, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277 "2001-06-10T07:24:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/1 "2001-06-10T07:24:45Z")
…and when the door opened, Garrett the Grasshoper said, “Mr. Human, do **you** know what the true meaning of…” “Oh My God!”, said Harry the Human, “A talking grasshoper! I don’t believe it! An actual talking freakin’ **grasshoper**!!! I’m rich! Rich I tell you…” ---
**Author:** ![Ell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@Ell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ell)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/2 "2001-06-10T07:36:22Z")
“And that” Little Tommy’s parents concluded, “is why we don’t love you anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/3 "2001-06-10T08:17:23Z")
**Ell** , that’s not fair, I’m laughing too much at your line to come up with one of my own! Okay, calm down, hate to follow that but . . . Cinderella loved the dress, the coach, the footman and all, but she took one look at those glass slippers and said “You’ve got to be kidding! If I’m going to be dancing all night long, I need something with a bit more give or else my feet will be killing me.” She pulled out a nice pair of silver sneakers and wore those instead. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/4 "2001-06-10T08:17:41Z")
cue Looney Tunes music… **"Hello my baby, hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gal…"** Oh, shit, wait. That was a frog, not a grasshopper. Sorry, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/5 "2001-06-10T14:58:09Z")
“And at the stroke of midnight, all of Cinderella’s clothes disappeared. THAT got the Prince’s attention.” ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/6 "2001-06-10T15:53:29Z")
And though Snow White and her prince lived happily ever after, the seven dwarves spent many years in rehabilitation for their necrophilia addiction. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/7 "2001-06-10T17:11:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ell \* > \*\*“And that” Little Tommy’s parents concluded, “is why we don’t love you anymore.” \*\* \<—hysterical. MAN, you’ve set the bar high on this one. Here, have a cruller. You’ve earned it. Let’s see now… > [@](#): > > And with a flip of her magic wand, the supperating buboes vanished without a trace ! Man, I’m still laughing. That was just fucking brilliant. I feel as though you’ve just won the match by pinning me to the ground with your silver-tipped tongue ! (heynow, _there’s_ a visual :eek: ) Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Cap\_n\_Crude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/8 "2001-06-10T17:26:33Z")
Let’s be honest: [boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=73785](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=73785) Just admit that anything in there should be in here, and have another beer. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/9 "2001-06-10T18:05:25Z")
…and Goldielocks got 3 to 5 for B.&E. and vandalism… -Rue ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/10 "2001-06-10T23:39:15Z")
And in the end, little Billy learned that things don’t always work out in life and not everyone will like him. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2001, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-like-to-see-in-a-childrens-book/68277/11 "2001-06-11T05:24:06Z")
“You were right, Eeyore,” said Pooh, “all that hunny _did_ rot my teeth.”