# Lines you'd use if only the appropriate situation came up. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 2, 2007, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111 "2007-08-02T11:23:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/101 "2007-08-29T16:25:01Z")
In response to “Miss Me?” - “With every bullet so far…” ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/102 "2007-08-29T17:15:30Z")
Gosh I have a million of 'em… From The Lion in Winter: Eleanor: I even made poor Louis take me on Crusade. How’s that for blasphemy. I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn… but the troops were dazzled. From Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Raoul Duke: With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he’ll never know. and: Raoul Duke: No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough. I have more, but that’s what comes to mind right away. Fun thread! ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/103 "2007-08-29T17:38:10Z")
I’ll tell you what, Angelina; I’ll have sex with you for the 5th time today if you call up Jessica Alba and get her to join in. Oh, yeah, and some pizza, too. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/104 "2007-08-29T17:59:46Z")
“Consequences, shmonsequences, as long as I’m rich.” -Daffy Duck “Where’s the kaboom? There was _supposed_ to be an earth-shattering kaboom!” -Marvin the Martian ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/105 "2007-08-29T18:20:17Z")
“Mercy is the mark of a great man.” ---
**Author:** ![Just1Lurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@Just1Lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just1Lurk)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/106 "2007-08-29T18:25:35Z")
“It’s times like this that make me wish I had listened to what my mother used to tell me when I was young.” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen!” ---
**Author:** ![psiekier](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psiekier/32/116_2.png) [@psiekier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psiekier)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/107 "2007-08-29T19:34:08Z")
[QUOTE=BlackNGold] [in the most bored, effeminate voice possible] “If you refuse? You die, she dies, EVERybody dies.” [/itmb,evp] Unfortunately, people don’t “refuse” much any more… One I do get to use (from the same source) “One?!? What good is one!?!” [/QUOTE] “Elder, they’re in the halls!” “Bar the door!” I loved _Heavy Metal!_ * * * Ever since we’ve been married, I’ve slowly been converting my wife to my way of thinking (she’s from a small town in Arkansas). She’s even seen some of my favourite one-liner movies like _The Running Man_, _Demolition Man_, and even _Big Trouble in Little China_. It’s comforting that we can both laugh at the exchanges between Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock: “He’s finally matched his meat. You really licked his ass!” “That’s met his match, and kicked, _kicked_ his ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/108 "2007-08-29T19:54:01Z")
[QUOTE=Just1Lurk] “It’s times like this that make me wish I had listened to what my mother used to tell me when I was young.” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen!” [/QUOTE] Terrific. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/109 "2007-08-29T20:01:14Z")
“Anything with flashing lights, y’know?” – Ed, in **Shaun of the Dead**. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/110 "2007-08-29T22:21:50Z")
“Do Not Thump the Book of G’Quan” “Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people’s needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death. But, at least there is symmetry.” From **Babylon 5** ---
**Author:** ![Cincoflex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Cincoflex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cincoflex)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/111 "2007-08-29T23:37:26Z")
Every now and then, to the complete confusion of my two sons I’ll set the main entree to dinner on the table and loudly announce, “Eat, eat, Eat! said the Pope’s child.” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/112 "2007-08-30T00:05:25Z")
I’ve always wanted to say: “My intellect is vast. Or, at least, half-vast.” ---
**Author:** ![t-mobileguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@t-mobileguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-mobileguy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/113 "2007-08-30T00:29:46Z")
I came home from work early one day so I could go see a friend of mine who was in the hospital. My wife was very confused to see me walk in the door so early in the day. 20 years I waited for a set up like this. Wife – Why are you home so early? Me- I have to go to the hospital Wife - **THE HOSPITAL**?? What is it? Wait for it…. Me – It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now I still haven’t stopped giggling like a little school girl. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![untimelysmile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c68b51/32.png) [@untimelysmile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/untimelysmile)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/114 "2007-08-30T00:38:33Z")
“You’re _weird_” (with a creepy, blank smile) -Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the new one) Somehow, I’ve never gotten a chance to use it, although by rights I should have plenty. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/115 "2007-08-30T11:45:49Z")
The conventioners had all turned into great huge lizards, and some sick bastard was feeding them liquor. I shouted to my attorney, Bring Back Golf Shoes, or we’ll never get out of here alive! Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! The chew bubble gum and kick ass is one of my all-time favourites. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/116 "2007-08-30T14:28:36Z")
[QUOTE=t-mobileguy] \ Me- I have to go to the hospital Wife - **THE HOSPITAL**?? What is it? Wait for it…. Me – It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now [/QUOTE] **SomeGuy** :_Handing me a piece of paper_ What do you make of this? **Me** : _Folding the paper in various ways_ I can make a hat or a little boat or a kite… ---
**Author:** ![Nimble\_Bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/779978/32.png) [@Nimble\_Bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nimble_Bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/117 "2007-08-30T15:14:06Z")
It’s very unlikely that the appropriate situation would ever come up but here it is. From Grease 2: “We’re gonna die and I’m wearing my mother’s underwear!” ---
**Author:** ![RiverRunner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/977dab/32.png) [@RiverRunner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RiverRunner)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/118 "2007-08-30T16:00:21Z")
What amazes me is how many of these I have actually used. I must lead a very sad life. A couple I have seen mentioned (that I have had occasion to use): “I came night to a-soilin’ me pantaloons!” and “May the good fairy what sits in the sky grant yer every wish.” – both from **Bored of the Rings** “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.” – _WKRP in Cincinnati_ “Don’t call me Shirley.” – _Airplane!_ “One does not simply walk into Mordor.” – _The Fellowship of the Ring_ ---
**Author:** ![lushygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@lushygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lushygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/119 "2007-08-30T18:42:55Z")
“My ass twitches, you people make my ass twitch” ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111/120 "2007-08-30T19:18:11Z")
[QUOTE=Ol’Gaffer] “I swear to God I’m going to pistol whip the next guy who says, ‘Shenanigans.’” - Captain O’Hagan in **Super Troopers**. [/QUOTE] Which is funny, because in my circle of friends, the quote used is often the next line: (IIRC) “Hey Farve, what’s that restaraunt you like with the crap all over the walls?” [QUOTE=Potato Pan] When I see a stranger entering my office building, I might say, " Thank God you arrived! They were just sending me out to look for you!" When someone is discussing or even mentioning an individual or a company, I might leap to my feet and yell, “THOSE BASTARDS !!!” [/QUOTE] Oh sweet lord, I -have- to start using these! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lines-youd-use-if-only-the-appropriate-situation-came-up/414111.md?page=7)