# Lissa Goes to Prison **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333 "2005-08-16T22:00:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333/21 "2005-08-17T04:26:51Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > As for talking about work, yes, we share completely, just like any other spouses I tell him about my day at the museum, and he tells me about the prison. It strikes me that you couldn’t find two places less alike than a museum and a prison, or indeed, two careers more stereotypically “unmanly” and “manly.” One is about history and learning and civilization; the other is about control and punishment and force. Does the difference in your careers manifest itself in your personalities or in your marriage? (Apologies if I’m getting too personal here.) ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333/22 "2005-08-17T04:48:52Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > It strikes me that you couldn’t find two places less alike than a museum and a prison, or indeed, two careers more stereotypically “unmanly” and “manly.” One is about history and learning and civilization; the other is about control and punishment and force. Does the difference in your careers manifest itself in your personalities or in your marriage? (Apologies if I’m getting too personal here.) You’re quite right, you couldn’t find two callings more dissimilar. Our personalities are also very different, but we find we complement one another rather than clash. He respects my work as I respect his. He would not agree, though, that corrections is about punishment and force. He sees it more as a chance to redeem a life. That’s why he got into corrections-- he wanted to make a difference in this world, and saw a place which truly needed people like him. His vision is that corrections should dedicate incarceration time to preparing the inmate for a decent life on the outside. This includes education, vocational training and therapy to get inmates working on empathy and self-control issues. There is very little use of force in the prison, considering the number of people incarcerated there. It’s a relatively good-natured place. The inmates, for the most part, police themselves. They want as little hassle as possible, so they tend to keep each other in line to avoid having disrutpions. ---
**Author:** ![Wallet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e99b99/32.png) [@Wallet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallet)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333/23 "2005-08-17T04:52:31Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Thus, visitors to our prison are rarely physically searched. It’s always for cause, and, IIRC, they have to call in a State Trooper to . . . either witness, or actually do the search, I can’t remember. Well, I can only speak for the prison we visited, but _everyone_ was physically searched, from the roughest looking visitors to grandmothers using walkers. Quite humiliating, considering that male guards were doing the searching. Of course this was…gee, over 20 years ago. Perhaps things are more “visitor friendly” now. > [@Lissa](#): > > Although our friend was always glad to see us (especially the time we smuggled Nair to her in a shampoo bottle! ), > Now, try to see this from a security perspective. What if your friend intended to burn someone’s eyes with that stuff, or poison someone? You may know your friend is a nice girl, but the staff don’t know that. Of course, you’re right. My friend and I were young, and quite stupid to do this. My acquaintance was in jail for embezzlement (she stole to finance an operation for her son, was caught, and the judge decided to make her an example by giving her 1 year in Rikers). Sounds silly, but she really was a “nice girl”. Both her children were taken away from her, and what little family she had disowned her. She had nothing, and no one. That’s why we tried to visit her as much as possible. Sorry to try to give the other side, but truly, not everyone in jail is a heinous monster. I know you don’t believe this, Lissa, but I’m sure others reading this think everyone in prison deserves our scorn. Some are there because of stupid mistakes, and I always think, there but for the grace of gd… Your husband sounds like a wonderful administrator, and the dog program is a fantastic idea! I’m sure it’s turning many lives around. Thanks for posting your story. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333/24 "2005-08-17T14:39:26Z")
> [@Wallet](#): > > Sorry to try to give the other side, but truly, not everyone in jail is a heinous monster. I know you don’t believe this, Lissa, but I’m sure others reading this think everyone in prison deserves our scorn. Some are there because of stupid mistakes, and I always think, there but for the grace of gd… One of the hardest parts of working in a prison is maintaining the necessary distance. Yeah, some of these inmates are pretty okay guys, but one can never allow themselves to become friends with an inmate. It just leads to too many problems. My husband is polite, but he does maintain that distance. I saw that most clearly with the inmate who trained Lucy, and in how the inmates would step of the sidewalk as we walked toward them. My husband always called out greetings to them, but, as he said, if they didn’t step aside, there would be a problem. The way my husband puts it is that the only thing that keeps them safe is that aura of authority, and one must be extremely careful that due respect is paid to it. After all, at their best time, the unarmed staff is outnumbered 250 to one. (The odds are even greater on night shift.) In other words, they cannot permit any lese majeste, because, like a crack in a dam, a small “leak” can become something that tears the whole thing apart. I felt uncomfortable while in there because my instincts are to smile at anyone with whom I make eye contact, to be friendly with all who cross my path, to thank politely for any service done for me and to defer to older people. This sort of behavior is overly-familiar in a prison. Being nervous and unsure how to act, I kept my eyes downcast, and let my husband do most of the talking. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333/25 "2005-08-17T19:46:08Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > My husband says the dogs were the greatest thing that ever happened to that prison. The entire mood of the institution changed. Disruptive inmates became eager to obey the rules so they could qualify to have a dog of their own. Young inmates who before postured and strutted to show off how tough they were now were rolling on the floor, laughing as a puppy licked their noses. Everyone seemed to have their stress relieved by these dogs. > > Before the dogs came, they had an issue with illicit pets. Inmates would feed the stray cats which come to the prison. (As you can imagine, the population exploded. Staff constantly battles to try to keep their numbers in check.) Some kept birds or insects, and one memorable fellow kept a snake in a box beneath his bed. I’m pleased to hear that the dogs have made such a difference in the atmosphere at your husband’s prison. I’m not surprised by it, but still pleased. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lissa-goes-to-prison/317333.md?page=1)