# List of nonsensical things that house cats do **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 6, 2015, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171 "2015-09-06T12:50:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/21 "2015-09-07T18:45:18Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > My cat demands to be petted while she eats. She will sit by her full bowl of food and yell at me until I pet her. My cat insists that I stand beside him so he can wrap his tail around my ankle while he eats. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/22 "2015-09-07T18:45:18Z")
Kitty must chew on all heavy-duty plastic bag and plastic taped items. Packing tape on a box? Delicious! Plastic mailing envelope? Bliss! Kitty able to tear the packing tape off the box? Best. Day. Ever. Every box or bag returned to any company includes loving kitty-tooth bite marks. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/23 "2015-09-08T00:17:08Z")
> [@Plumpudding](#): > > - He’ll lick plastic bags. He loves plastic bags. There actually is a reason for this one. They spray plastic bags with a fat at the factory to make them not stick together, and kitties think it’s yummy. Cats are weird. Maine Coons are weird even for cats. Therefore our Maine Coons is weird: - Like many Maine Coons, he enjoys head butting you, and loves to play rough, rougher the better. His favorite thing ever is to be whapped with a cardboard tube of any length. He especially likes head whapping. - He must rub a paw along the rim of his water bowl before he can drink from it. Not dip the paw into it, just rub the rim. - He cannot eat alone in a room. If you try to put him somewhere private to eat so he’s not bullied by the other cat, but don’t stay with him, he is so distraught no eating gets done. - He will only sit on my lap when I’m sitting at my desktop. - He will do anything he can to get outside. And then once he’s outside he has what seems to be a temporary psychotic break from the fear of actually being outside and can’t be approached for hours after he’s captured and brought back inside. Wide eyes, bottle tail, howling and hissing like a lunatic for 2-3 hours. - Any thing that comes out of a treat container is awesome. Even the same kibble he rejected earlier (the non-Maine Coon falls for this too, ftr) ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/24 "2015-09-08T02:06:33Z")
One of the cats my wife had when we first got together would try to open the door where the cat food was kept. I got tired of hearing it, so I moved the food to a high cabinet and let her go inside the one where the food had been and look around. Not ten seconds after she came out and I closed the door she was trying to open it again. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/25 "2015-09-08T05:23:00Z")
A cat believes if she can’t see you, you can’t see her. It doesn’t matter how much else of her body is sticking out from under the sofa or blanket. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/26 "2015-09-08T12:24:44Z")
Stupid cat must walk around the kitchen island before going out the door. He can be one foot from the door but when you open the door, he must first walk around the island and only then can venture out the door. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/27 "2015-09-08T12:44:13Z")
Kitty never, ever does all barfing in one location. It must be in multiple locations. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/28 "2015-09-08T12:56:16Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Stupid cat must walk around the kitchen island before going out the door. He can be one foot from the door but when you open the door, he must first walk around the island and only then can venture out the door. OCD kitty! Watch closely for repetitive tapping and counting habits. One of my cats has a habit of making a very loud and maniacal victory lap every time she takes a dump. She’s done this every place we’ve lived; at my dad’s house the box was in the basement, and we’d know when she was done with her biz when the basement door would fly open and she’d go tearing through the house, ears back, tail up, wild look in her eyes. My house is much smaller, so the lap must be run several times through the few rooms, claws skittering, running into doorways and furniture. If she was human I’d expect her to do an end-zone dance or Usain Bolt pose every time she came out of the bathroom. Everyone, rejoice! Celebrations commence!! I HAVE POOPED!!! ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/29 "2015-09-08T14:39:13Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > OCD kitty! Watch closely for repetitive tapping and counting habits. > One of my cats has a habit of making a very loud and maniacal victory lap every time she takes a dump. She’s done this every place we’ve lived; at my dad’s house the box was in the basement, and we’d know when she was done with her biz when the basement door would fly open and she’d go tearing through the house, ears back, tail up, wild look in her eyes. My house is much smaller, so the lap must be run several times through the few rooms, claws skittering, running into doorways and furniture. If she was human I’d expect her to do an end-zone dance or Usain Bolt pose every time she came out of the bathroom. Everyone, rejoice! Celebrations commence!! I HAVE POOPED!!! Our cat does that. But we always figure that it’s actually “OH MY GOD THAT’S FOUL! Run away! Run away!” She’s usually right. ---
**Author:** ![slalexan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@slalexan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slalexan)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/30 "2015-09-08T15:08:36Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > OCD kitty! Watch closely for repetitive tapping and counting habits. > One of my cats has a habit of making a very loud and maniacal victory lap every time she takes a dump. She’s done this every place we’ve lived; at my dad’s house the box was in the basement, and we’d know when she was done with her biz when the basement door would fly open and she’d go tearing through the house, ears back, tail up, wild look in her eyes. My house is much smaller, so the lap must be run several times through the few rooms, claws skittering, running into doorways and furniture. If she was human I’d expect her to do an end-zone dance or Usain Bolt pose every time she came out of the bathroom. Everyone, rejoice! Celebrations commence!! I HAVE POOPED!!! I have tears in my eyes, I laughed so hard. My kitty has the awesome ability to walk on me in the most painful way possible. And once he is laying down and comfortable on your chest, he will let you know he’s happy by slowly clawing the delicate skin on your collar bone. I love you too, cat. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/31 "2015-09-08T16:18:34Z")
The human shall never peel potatoes without providing pieces of peel for the cat. If the human forgets and discards the potato peels, the cat will patiently remind it by howling incessantly at the garbage can. The human shall never give the cat peanut butter, no matter how loudly the cat cries for it, because peanut butter is a tasty, but evil, substance that will stick the cats mouth together and if the human dares to laugh, it shall receive the stank eye and a random clawing because the cat has a looonnng memory. The cat waits all year for Christmas to arrive due to the great seasonal joy it experiences when knocking every single decoration off the fireplace mantel. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/32 "2015-09-08T16:31:09Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Kitty never, ever does all barfing in one location. It must be in multiple locations. :smack: And those locations must be of the rug variety. I had tile (and now laminate) on every square inch of my house and my cat will go out of his way to hold that hairball until he’s reached the bathroom rug or the door mat. A cat may have spent to whole day outside but will wait until he gets inside to stink up the litter box. Food must not be eaten directly from the bowl but taken out, via a paw, and placed on the floor and then eaten from there. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2015, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/33 "2015-09-08T17:52:58Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > And those locations must be of the rug variety. I had tile (and now laminate) on every square inch of my house and my cat will go out of his way to hold that hairball until he’s reached the bathroom rug or the door mat. Well, that answers my question about what will happen when I manage to afford my own place and replace any carpet with pergo/tile/bamboo/hardwood/whatever. > [@](#): > > A cat may have spent to whole day outside but will wait until he gets inside to stink up the litter box. I see that our felines have been in communication…mine are indoor-only, so they wait until I get home. I think they hear my vehicle, then all run into the box and go at once. > [@](#): > > Food must not be eaten directly from the bowl but taken out, via a paw, and placed on the floor and then eaten from there. And it’s better if the food is pushed under the mat the water and food bowls sit on, after which kitty can “attack” and “catch” the kibble. Gee, why is the $30 dry food all wet, and the water bowl empty? _looking innocent_ > [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > Our cat does that. But we always figure that it’s actually “OH MY GOD THAT’S FOUL! Run away! Run away!” > > She’s usually right. I was rolling reading this and **orderfire** ’s description of kitty’s post-poop victory lap. I have a cat with IBD, and he scurries away because it is foul. As an added bonus, he’s the top cat, so he doesn’t cover it. I AM DOMINATE CAT! SMELL MY POOP! ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/34 "2015-09-09T14:07:19Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Cats, being manifestations of various quantum physics phenomena, can be in as many places simultaneously as they wish. [We’ve discussed this before.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17857868#post17857868) Yes, I have observed many actions of cat’s that defy our known understanding of the physical world. Iggy, our small, skinny jet black cat normally stood ~12 inches from toe to tip of ears. But, when she was outside and wanted to come back in, she would transform from a short quadruped into a 6’5” biped. Then when we’d hear her demanding \*meow \*and see her face peering above the back door curtain, and we started to walk toward the door, she’d transform back into a short quadruped before we opened the door. Some people have suggested that the outer screen door may have had something to do with it, but I don’t think so—it had something to do with quantum physics. Cats can also suspend time at will. I observed this with our Great Dane, Guinevere and our fat, jet white cat, Pasha (an assertive feline with a bad disposition). Guinevere was a sweet dog, but not too bright; not bright enough to learn from his mistakes. He’d often try to nuzzle his muzzle against Pasha who would invariably plant his claws deep into canine’s nose (the meaty tip with lots of sensory nerves). At that point, time for them both stopped for at least 10 seconds, neither moving a muscle; just looking each other in the eye (Pasha: _what are you gonna do now, Guin?_; Guin: _damned if I know_). And then, _BAM_, time would return from suspension, Pasha would retract the claws and Guin would run away in pain. Also from that thread: > [@Cat Physics](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cat-physics/702969/6): > > And yet, if they get locked in a room, they can’t get out again!.. No, but if they get locked into a house and you’re locked out, they can get you in. When I was a youngster, my family and I returned home one evening to find that all the doors to the house were locked. Just as my dad was about to find a rock to break a window, I said, **“hold your horses, dad (he didn’t really have horses, it’s just an expression), I’ve got an idea; follow me.”** So, mom, dad and my siblings followed me to the rear sliding glass door that had the wooden door jamb holding the glass door shut on the inside. I located a flexible twig, and started brushing it enticingly on the glass just above the door jamb as I called for Tibby (our cat just coincidentally shares my name) who was cat-napping not far away. Tibby wakes, comes to the door, starts batting at the twig against the glass and knocks the jamb out of the door track, thus allowing us to gain entry. It was a miracle. Tibby and I were the family heroes (it didn’t last long—I was a bad kid). > [@Cat Physics](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cat-physics/702969/2): > > Interesting. Perhaps this could help us towards a solution to the [buttered cat paradox](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttered_cat_paradox), which has long troubled physicists. The solution to this paradox is quite easy to solve. At the moment of impact, the buttered cat landed both _feet down_ and _butter-side down_ (Schrödinger and all). It’s just that the cat became momentarily invisible (some type of quantum tunneling trick they’ve learned, no doubt) and there was no one to observe the cat in both states. When it returned to visibility, the wave collapsed and we see only one cat. But, let this be a **warning** to all you DYI physicists experimenters out there. Do not harness two cats together back to back, wedge a slice of bread buttered on both sides between them, then drop this combo from a height. Doing so can result in immediate, irreversible and complete proton decay of the universe. It’s theorized that this may not be a good thing, so don’t try it. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/35 "2015-09-09T14:28:06Z")
Toilet water is far superior to a bowl of fresh tap water. Even so, a water bowl makes a convenient place to store one’s toys for safekeeping. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Angry\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Angry\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Angry_Badger)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/36 "2015-09-09T15:07:59Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > Toilet water is far superior to a bowl of fresh tap water. Toilet water? No, no, no. The scummy puddle on top of the old oil tank in the back garden offers a far better taste. So much so, apparently, that our kitties will ignore their water bowl and cry to go outside so they can drink it. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2015, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/37 "2015-09-10T04:25:25Z")
a) The cat’s favourite spot to sit and commence cleaning itself is on the newspaper or magazine you are reading on the kitchen table. b) If your cat shows signs of a mystery illness or injury, and has been lying around listlessly for days, barely moving or eating, the best cure is to take it to the vet. On being removed from the cat cage and placed on the vet’s examination table, the cat will immediately begin to turn cute somersaults, rub adorably against the vet while purring, and chase dust motes in the sunbeams, while the vet gives you the ‘We’ve got a Stupid, Panicky Owner, here’ look. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2015, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/38 "2015-09-10T04:44:12Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > The cat waits all year for Christmas to arrive due to the great seasonal joy it experiences when knocking every single decoration off the fireplace mantel. Christmas also offers kitty the joy of the Christmas Tree. So many ornaments to knock down and chase around. A lovely indoor tree to chew on. To climb. To lurk in the branches and pounce on unsuspecting other kitties and DOGS! Best yet, with effort, the tree may be tipped over, offering even more kitty fun. ---
**Author:** ![Terry\_Kennedy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@Terry\_Kennedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terry_Kennedy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2015, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171/39 "2015-09-11T19:07:08Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Cats are weird. Maine Coons are weird even for cats. My [Tiger](http://www.tmk.com/tiger) would disagree with you. She says it is only the male Maine Coons that are weird. I’ll back up her story with this anecdote: I was visiting a friend halfway across the country. She and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Cats (both male Maine Coons) are curled up on the floor nearby and watching us. I get up to go to the bathroom. Upon closing the door, I hear “Meow! Meow!” from outside the door. I open the door and one of her cats looks at me and gives me the “Oh, it’s you!” look. I close the door and the scenario repeats. I tell the cat “Look! Amanda is on the couch!” and point. Cat looks at Amanda, purrs, and sits down. I close the door. “Meow! Meow!” Lather, rinse, repeat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/list-of-nonsensical-things-that-house-cats-do/730171.md?page=1)