# Listen, motherfuckers! I NEED A FROSTED APPLE POP-TART! What's not to understand? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 24, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882 "2004-05-24T23:04:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/21 "2004-05-25T13:45:41Z")
Spiral shaped? On what planet? For as long as I have been aware of Pop-Tarts, they have always been rectangular. So they fit in the toaster better. Until you break one and the filling gets all over the heaqting elements and the house smells like burning jam for the next week. Not that that ever happened to me. I was always partial to the Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/22 "2004-05-25T13:59:20Z")
> [@AveDementia](#): > > We’re all behind you on this. Don’t fail us! You don’t want to stand behind me after I eat a pop tart. For some reason, OH! the flatulence! ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/23 "2004-05-25T14:02:37Z")
Okay, I don’t eat Pop-tarts - but I was looking at the site. Grape? Grape? I’m sorry - I know grape jelly is a breakfast standard, but the idea of grape filling in Poptarts just grosses me. Susan (All growed up and eats oatmeal for breakfast. _sigh_) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/24 "2004-05-25T14:30:57Z")
I’ve been eating Pop-Tarts off and on for over 35 years, and I never knew they came in apple, frosted or plain. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/25 "2004-05-25T15:17:15Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > PS: The chocolate Pop-Tarts were manufactured in Hell by Mephistophocles and his minions. This is what made me laugh the hardest and I just want to point out the brilliance of combining the Evil Dude in _Faust_ (Mephistopheles) with the guy who wrote _Oedipus Rex_ (Sophocles). This rant is high in entertainment value. Thank you, Chastain86. Also, I would just like to add that the best Supermarket-type frosted apple pastry is made by Sara Lee. Seek it out, all ye who desire a good apple pastry that comes pre-wrapped. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/26 "2004-05-25T15:26:37Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Spiral shaped? On what planet? > > For as long as I have been aware of Pop-Tarts, they have always been rectangular. So they fit in the toaster better. Until you break one and the filling gets all over the heaqting elements and the house smells like burning jam for the next week. > > Not that that ever happened to me. I was always partial to the Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon. Maybe it was a competitor. It was a long, skinny snake of pastry, filled with blueberry, and then shaped into a spiral with that hard frosting that doesn’t melt when you heat it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/27 "2004-05-25T17:21:27Z")
I don’t know why, but I actually like those hideous chocolate pop-tarts. Maybe once a year or so I get this craving and have to buy a few boxes. Sometimes I’ll eat’em “plain”, but what I usually do is toast two of them, then when they pop up I put peanut butter on top of one of them and put them together and have a Pop-Tart Peanut Butter “Sandwich”. Mmmmm!!! ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/28 "2004-05-25T17:29:15Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Maybe it was a competitor. It was a long, skinny snake of pastry, filled with blueberry, and then shaped into a spiral with that hard frosting that doesn’t melt when you heat it. Not for nothin’, but that’s not even _vaguely_ a Pop-Tart. I wouldn’t eat whatever the heck you just described. Unless it came from an Italian bakery. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/29 "2004-05-25T17:53:35Z")
And to make matters worse, there is always the problem of distribution. Somewhere along the line, I acquired a persistent hankering for unfrosted blueberry Pop-Tarts. Food of the gods. But nowhere in this forsaken city can I buy them. I have friends bring them from out of town – or even out of state if they have to. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/30 "2004-05-25T18:20:56Z")
I ONLY eat unfrosted pop-tarts. And I can never find unfrosted ones from Kellogs or whatever their largest competitor in the area is. But I usually can find unfrosted stawberry, blueberry, cherry and apple in the store brands, which usuallyl taste just fine. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/31 "2004-05-25T18:24:49Z")
Oh wow! Pop-tarts! I’d totally forgotten about them. I haven’t had one in years. I only like the chocolate ones though. They are tasty! I must go and buy some at once… ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/32 "2004-05-25T18:26:33Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > PS: The chocolate Pop-Tarts were manufactured in Hell by Mephistophocles and his minions. They are not edible, and in fact exist only to prove the existence of evil. I would be willing to keep this fact under my hat for a tidy sum involving Apple Pop-Tarts. Don’t test me, fuckers. :mad: :eek: But there so tasty! ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/33 "2004-05-25T18:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Dude, that is my WORST PopTart. I’m partial to the blueberry. I haven’t had one in decades, but I remember them being a spiral shaped pastry. I really loved them a lot. > [@](#): > > Spiral shaped? On what planet? > > For as long as I have been aware of Pop-Tarts, they have always been rectangular. So they fit in the toaster better. > [@](#): > > Maybe it was a competitor. It was a long, skinny snake of pastry, filled with blueberry, and then shaped into a spiral with that hard frosting that doesn’t melt when you heat it. > [@](#): > > Not for nothin’, but that’s not even vaguely a Pop-Tart. I wouldn’t eat whatever the heck you just described. Unless it came from an Italian bakery. I think I know the indentity of these mysterious spiral-shaped “Pop-Tarts” of which you speak. They were Kellogg’s [Danish Go-Rounds](http://www.lavasurfer.com/tttpremiums/images/pix551.jpg)–a companion toaster pastry put out during the 70’s. I haven’t seen these in the stores, however, for over 20 years. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/34 "2004-05-25T18:48:50Z")
I can swing over to Kalamazoo and throw a brick with your letter tied to it through a window, if you like. (sidenote: Tony the Tiger is only in charge of the Frosted Flakes, not pop-tarts.) I like the fruit pop-tarts better cold, but I usually eat them as a snack, not breakfast. The smores flavors and the like need to be toasted and are more a dessert treat, but I rarely get those. I agree that the trend towards chocolate and sugar flavors and away from fruit is disturbing. I toured the Kellog factory once as a child but I don’t remember seeing how they make the pop-tarts. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/35 "2004-05-25T18:56:10Z")
eww, eww, eww, eww, EWW! 😕 How can anyone eat Pop Tarts? Anyway, now that I got that out of my system: Mr. Congo LOVES Pop Tarts. He says the Big Y brand (available in New England) are better than any name brand. He really loves the apple ones. He was very sad when he couldn’t find the frosted ones any more. I guess that as far a Pop Tarts go, apple is better than any of that other stuff. Frosting is just evil though. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/36 "2004-05-25T18:56:25Z")
I just found unfrosted (but with cinnamon topping) store brand (Food Lion, to be specific) apple pop tarts (ok, toaster pastries, to be correct) for my son yesterday, but I never knew the real thing in apple flavor. These aren’t bad, I must say. And I have to praise the Pop-Tart folks for their new invention, the French Toast Pop-Tart. We just tried those this past weekend, and they were impressive. Throughout college, I lived on the chocolate and unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts. I’m talking 2 twelve-packs a week. Now the strawberry only come frosted, which is far too sweet for me. Perhaps you could persuade them to bring back my unfrosted strawberry…? On preview: **Velma** , I thought I was a freak for preferring mine cold and untoasted, until I met my SO. Now I know we aren’t the only ones. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/37 "2004-05-25T18:58:08Z")
Make that - Big Y brand IS better - (man I hate it when I do that). ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/38 "2004-05-25T20:11:24Z")
Strange, i went to the local convenience store at lunch today, and they had at least 3 boxes of apple-cinnamon pop tarts (the ones with the cinnamon topping, not frosted), so thanks to this thread, i had to buy a box… [sits happily munching on an apple -cinnamon pop tart] it’s just like a miniature, reasonably bad, apple pie 😉 MMMMM…PIE! ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/39 "2004-05-25T20:33:55Z")
Oooh, frosted strawberry Pop Tarts, toasted or cold, I don’t care… Mmmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/40 "2004-05-25T21:04:26Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > Sincerely yours, > One Angry Jackass in Phoenix You misspelled “Lazlo Toth, American.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882.md?page=3)