# Listen, motherfuckers! I NEED A FROSTED APPLE POP-TART! What's not to understand? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 24, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882 "2004-05-24T23:04:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/41 "2004-05-26T01:28:58Z")
Frosted Blueberry is the only sort of poptart that’s fit for human consumption. chastain, I think you should copy and paste the OP and send it off. No, I’m serious. Betcha it’ll get passed around, instead of just dumped in the trash can after they send you a bedbug letter and a few coupons. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/42 "2004-05-26T02:41:01Z")
BLECH. Apples exist only to be choked down in place of food that actually tastes good, so that we of the age of double digits can attempt to prevent ourselves from reaching the dimensions of houses. Apples indeed. Chocolate is THE only food worthy of such lust and worship as that in the OP. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/43 "2004-05-26T03:21:05Z")
I always thought it’d be cool to have a girlfriend named “Pop Tarts.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/44 "2004-05-26T03:41:17Z")
> [@Bren\_Cameron](#): > > chastain, I think you should copy and paste the OP and send it off. No, I’m serious. Betcha it’ll get passed around, instead of just dumped in the trash can after they send you a bedbug letter and a few coupons. I agree, but make sure you take this line out: > [@](#): > > And then I shall proceed to beat your representative about the head and face with a rake. Some people will just not have a sense of humor about that :). ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/45 "2004-05-26T10:02:27Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > You misspelled “Lazlo Toth, American.” This is why I don’t do vanity searches. sigh… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/46 "2004-05-26T10:34:20Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > And then I shall proceed to beat your representative about the head and face with a rake. > > Some people will just not have a sense of humor about that :). **Cisco** is right; change ‘rake’ to ‘shovel’. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/47 "2004-05-26T11:05:03Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > I always thought it’d be cool to have a girlfriend named “Pop Tarts.” 🙂 Um… Wouldn’t it be cooler if _her_ name be something like “Cherry Tarts” or something and you could call her _dad_ “Pop” Tarts? Fenris ---
**Author:** ![DarkPrince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@DarkPrince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkPrince)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/48 "2004-05-26T11:08:50Z")
Bah, put down those pansy pastries and bask in the beautiful greasy Awesome of [toaster scrambles](http://www.pillsbury.com/View/breakfast/scrambles.asp)! I think I went into withdrawal and got the shakes(probably my arteries jumping for joy) when I became a vegetarian and realized I couldn’t eat these anymore. :smack: [Homer Simpson Drool Noise]Aaagghhghghhhghhggg…[/HSDN] ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/49 "2004-05-26T12:09:17Z")
It’s pushing it for me to eat a Pop Tart. However, the other day I was in the grocery store with my ten-year-old, and he asked for Pop Tarts for breakfast. I picked up some Apple Cinnamon. I am ashamed to say I’ve just eaten them for breakfast. Of course, I still have my Cran-Raspberry juice and yogurt to counter-act the kid food, but still… I hope this baby isn’t born a sugar junkie. That would suck. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/50 "2004-05-26T16:41:22Z")
Consumer Alert: Quaker has come out with a “Fruit and Oatmeal Toastable” (i.e. a Pop Tart) in frosted apple. They had them in the vending machine today and I bought a packet. This reviewer feels that in terms of filling, it is superior to the old frosted apple Pop Tart in quantity of chunky apple goo and taste. The frosting however seems slightly less thick and the pastry as a whole is somewhat lighter, probably out of a misguided attempt to produce a “healthier” product (it is also touted as An Excellent Source of Calcium). Pop Tarts were never intended as health food, so I feel this is a mistake. Overall, a decent substitute for the frosted apple Pop Tart. It remains to be seen if this product will be sold in boxes or just in packs of two for vending machines. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/51 "2004-05-27T10:16:50Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > You don’t want to stand behind me after I eat a pop tart. For some reason, OH! the flatulence! So this is it, is it? You post a lameass joke about standing in front of me and breaking wind in response to a post I made about building a homemade flamethrower? You, sir, are a dull and predictable moron, but I’ll bet you get surprised a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/52 "2004-05-27T13:12:18Z")
Yeah, you got me figured out after one post, made on the fly. :rolleyes: You need to take yourself a lot less seriously. Maybe you can contact the admins and get a refund of up to a dime, based on the moronic predicatability of my posts. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/53 "2004-05-27T14:51:37Z")
{waves hand} You are not a Jedi. {waves hand again} Fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/54 "2004-05-27T15:01:49Z")
Genius! Totally unexpected! I genuflect in your general direction. …fucking off. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/55 "2004-05-27T15:14:43Z")
> [@GingerOfTheNorth](#): > > It’s pushing it for me to eat a Pop Tart. However, the other day I was in the grocery store with my ten-year-old, and he asked for Pop Tarts for breakfast. I picked up some Apple Cinnamon. I am ashamed to say I’ve just eaten them for breakfast. Of course, I still have my Cran-Raspberry juice and yogurt to counter-act the kid food, but still… > > I hope this baby isn’t born a sugar junkie. That would suck. I think there’s something in them that attracts pregnant women. I normally have a pop-tart maybe once or twice a year, and rarely buy them. Lately I’ve been eating them several times a week. There are blueberry pop-tarts in my desk drawer right now…ahh, the guilt has started already. I promise I’ll eat my salad too! ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/56 "2004-05-27T15:17:03Z")
What else should I say to the accusation that I’m taking myself too seriously when I haven’t said one serious thing in the whole thread up to now? Sorry you took all my joking the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882/57 "2004-05-27T15:26:36Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I think there’s something in them that attracts pregnant women. I normally have a pop-tart maybe once or twice a year, and rarely buy them. Lately I’ve been eating them several times a week. There are blueberry pop-tarts in my desk drawer right now…ahh, the guilt has started already. It’s a proven scientific fact that pregnant women should increase the amount of xanthan gum in their diets. 😉 I don’t remember seeing this already in the thread; [here](http://www.poptarts.com/promotions/poptarts/statsnstuff.html) is where you can get ingredients and nutritional info for Pop Tarts. Oh, me? Brown Sugar Cinnamon. Nothing else will do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/listen-motherfuckers-i-need-a-frosted-apple-pop-tart-whats-not-to-understand/246882.md?page=2)