# Literary Masterpieces from the Barely Literate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838 "2004-04-30T12:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/1 "2004-04-30T12:51:45Z")
My good friend **Susan100** suggested this, after seeing the ressurection of the [Kids Joke thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=198382&highlight=kids+jokes). And I thought it sounded fun. Paidhi Girl is seven, nearing the end of first grade. One night a few weeks ago, she smuggled a pencil and a piece of paper into bed, and came creeping out at 9pm, when I thought she was surely asleep, to announce that she’d written me a story. > [@](#): > > **Three Pigs** > > There were three pigs. One pig built a house of rocks. Another pig made a house of sticks. The last pig made a house of clear glass. A wolf came by and broke the rock house. He ate the little pig. The wolf came to the stick house and broke it. He ate the little pig. The wolf came to the glass house and broke it. He ate the little pig. A dog came by and ate the whole wolf. After that the dog was so ill that he threw up. The cat heard him and rushed over to him. The cat was so thin that she could not run very fast. The dog and the cat rested in a bed. It was soft and fuzzy. After their rest they went outside again. They built a house of wood. The cat and the dog lived there. They had a long and happy life. Well, it amused me. I think she did a pretty good job, considering. I’m hoping she’ll give up her project of getting me to write more _Space Cat_ books, and realize she can do it herself, but I think that’s still a ways off. Got any budding writers of your own? I think it would be fun to read. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/2 "2004-04-30T17:24:03Z")
That is darn good for a 7yo! yay for Paidhi Girl! ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/3 "2004-04-30T19:01:08Z")
I have to admit, I was pretty proud of her. The spelling is just as she wrote it, and she even got the right “their.” I’ll pass on your compliment–she’ll be tickled. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/4 "2004-05-01T05:52:07Z")
Here’s a story I wrote when I was really little, either 1st or 2nd grade. > [@](#): > > The Mysterius barking > > chapter 1 The weird place > > One night a dog, who’s name was Pup, woke up at the middle of the night and started braking because he saw a weird thing. The weird thing was a place called… > The Stupidest place on earth! > Pup went in scarederly thinking about what would happen. Boy, was it stupid, it had floting cars clouds in water and even flying elephants! There was a bridge that suddenly disappeared. Then he went inside a cave that was stupid looking. He saw something realy scary and he ran out! When he came out he did not see his nice beautiful house. > Chapter 2 the mysterius noise > After finding out the dissaperince of his home he herd a strang noise. It, it, it, was, huh, what is, that, huh. It had 6 feet and 20 hands and, and the weirdest noise. > Lac-lac-ooooooooooooooooooooo! > Pup ran and ran and ran until… AAAOOOO!! All just a dream, AAAHHHH!! HaHaHaHaHa!! > Just his owner with a mask. Well, I geuss it’s a nice, “safe”, morning, Pup said. > > “The end” > chapter 3 The end I was a pretty weird kid. Nothing much has changed. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/5 "2004-05-01T05:55:12Z")
I love my littel garden it is so small but best i love the willow tahres they are so tall. ~ Me, at 5. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/6 "2004-05-01T13:00:46Z")
**Yumblie** , I laughed out loud at your story! That was wonderful. And, btw, Paidhi Girl liked your story, too. Believe me, I’ve seen weirder. The kids in Paidhi Girl’s class each wrote a story for a book that they then had printed and then parents and grandparents could buy copies. (Three Pigs was not her contribution to that volume.) And they were some amazing compositions, no question. The teacher had apparently read them a standard fairy-tale type thing, with three contestants for the hand of a princess venturing into an enchanted forest, and then told the kids to write something about an enchanted forest, and nearly all the kids just plunked down random elements of the original story with no understanding of how or why they were put together the way they were. They nearly always made themselves the winning contestant (although it was never clear what “winning” meant, how one won or what anyone got for winning) and then added random elements from their personal lists of favorite things–mermaids named Ariel, kittens, or, my favorite, a dwarf with a rocketship. **lola** , I’m impressed at the way you rearranged the sentence order to make it scan. I don’t think my daughter would have thought of that, and I don’t think I would have, at that age. You were doing pretty darn good. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/7 "2004-05-01T18:44:31Z")
My veterinarian has a scrapbook in his waiting room from the time he gave a presentation to a first grade class. Dr. P took in a couple of animals and talked to the kids about caring for their pets. Then the kids each drew a picture and wrote a sentence beneath the picture. The typical sentence was “Dr. P is nice” or “The kittens are cute”, etc. One child, beneath a picture of Dr. P and what appeared to be a dog, wrote, “Without him all animals would die.” * * * A childhood neighbor had a cat named Inky. One day when my brother was about three, he came running into the house, very distraught, and uttered what I consider to be one of the most profound pieces of poetry every composed concerning the frailty of life and the loss of innocence. It goes like this: Inky! Inky! Inky! Car! Car! Car! Dead! Dead! Dead! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/literary-masterpieces-from-the-barely-literate/242838/8 "2004-05-04T08:06:13Z")
> [@lainaf](#): > > A childhood neighbor had a cat named Inky. One day when my brother was about three, he came running into the house, very distraught, and uttered what I consider to be one of the most profound pieces of poetry every composed concerning the frailty of life and the loss of innocence. It goes like this: > > Inky! Inky! Inky! > Car! Car! Car! > Dead! Dead! Dead! Am I going to hell because that made me ROFL?