# Little Known Holiday Specials **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 21, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656 "2001-11-21T21:36:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/1 "2001-11-21T21:36:53Z")
**Bob and the Rip-Snortin’ Thanksgiving Special** Bob finds the True Meaning of the holiday season when he discovers the joys of drinking. Steve Gutenburg as Bob Also starring: Ted Danson Valerie Harper and Gordon Shumway as ALF ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/2 "2001-11-21T21:39:59Z")
**The Scout Thanksgiving Cooking Special** No, folks, she ain’t no Martha Stewart, but she ain’t half bad in the kitchen. Watch as she delights her holiday guests with Peppercorn Crusted Pork Loin, Southern Cornbread Stuffing, Mashed Potato and Leek “Souffle” and Crustless Pumpkin Pie. Hilarious hijinks are bound to ensue as she discovers she has no 1/3 cup measurer, and needs to make a last minute shopping trip for a quart of milk! Now playing, on the Food Network. Happy Turkey Day, **Rue** to you & the rest of the DeDay clan, from me & mine at Scoutsville. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/3 "2001-11-21T21:45:00Z")
May all the Joy of the Season (Autumn) befall (see? Autumn/befall) you and yours, **Scout**. And let Merriness abound about Dopers one and all. -Rue. (who hasn’t started drinking yet) ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/4 "2001-11-21T21:54:48Z")
**A Very Twilight Holiday Special** Max (Haley Joel Osment), a spunky orphan, searches for a real family. Only to be sucked through a dimentional rift. There he is enslaved by a vicious race of pig people. Joel Murray as Spokane ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/5 "2001-11-21T22:15:35Z")
**It’s the Great Turkey, Charlie Rue!!** This old classic was recently discovered and restored with magnificent surround sound. A kindly storyteller hitches his wagon to his old mule and rides from town to town searching for the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Also a free meal. Starring Stan Laurel, Mitzi Gaynor, Franz the Wonder Mule, and featuring a surprise guest cameo. Not to be missed!! ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/6 "2001-11-21T22:53:06Z")
**A Kabul Kinda Kristmas** A favorite of the Taliban, this special features a peaceful story about two Christians in Afghanistan who are able to celebrate Christmas to avoid the Taliban…until December 26. Coming soon to AEA-Afghan Entertainment for America. [sub]Due to the tragic events of September 11, Osama Bin Laden’s guest appearance will be removed from the American version of this special.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/7 "2001-11-21T23:31:54Z")
**Kingdom of the Gobblers** Giant radioactive turkeys terroize a small town. Sheriff Roy Tenderloin is the only man standing between the horror and the giblets. William Shatner as Sheriff Roy Dan Hedaya as Roy’s hair followed by: **A Very Gibbler Special** Music, dancing and comedy skits as Andrea Barber bats away “invisible spiders”. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/8 "2001-11-21T23:37:05Z")
**The Journey to Ham** When the rolls run out at the “Kid’s Table”, Epiphany and her cousin Constance embark on a journey of discovery. Selma Blair as Epiphany Kirsten Dunst as Constance Special guest star Ed Asner as “Pappy” Ramadan ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/9 "2001-11-21T23:42:29Z")
**The Skates of New England** Blair Underwood and Blair Brown (as themselves) race against time to find a lost and confused Tootie wandering the mean streets of Bangor, Maine. Along the way they are befriended by a crazed street person (Michael Jeters) and discover the True Meaning of the holiday season. And where to get good soup at 2 A.M. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/10 "2001-11-21T23:57:29Z")
**The Iron Chef Christmas Special** Secret ingredient : Rudolph ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/11 "2001-11-22T03:03:46Z")
**The Boy Who Killed Thanksgiving** Little Jimmy believes that Thanksgiving is pointless. When he finds an ancient medallion in the woods behind his house, he develops the ability to travel through time. Upon doing so, he lands upon and kills the first Pilgrim to land on Plymouth Rock, causing the rest of the Pilgrims to run back to England. Returning to the present, Little Jimmy sees just what the world is like without Thanksgiving. Without the many European diseases brought by the Pilgrims, Indians have maintained their rule of the continent, and promote a utopian society in tune with nature. Appalled by this shocking dismay of peace and love, Little Jimmy must go back to the past again, rectifying his horrible mistake and learning the true meaning of everybody’s favorite gluttonous holiday. The feel-good movie of the year! ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2001, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/12 "2001-11-22T03:05:31Z")
**The Year Without a Thanksgiving** When their turkey is stolen by the horrible Mr. Vegan, Bobby and Julie Pigtail must embark on a journy to recover the centerpiece, meanwhile learning what they really have to be thankful for. Told with the use of disturbing puppets, in the true spirit of holiday specials everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/13 "2001-11-22T03:12:24Z")
The Borg, in yet another attempt to assimilate humans, go back in time to 20th century earth, where amongst other people, they assimilate Julia Child during a Thanksgiving cooking show special. Upon returning to the 24th century, our friends in the Federation discover all of the Borg now have cuisin-art attachments and speak in a high-pitched, faux-french accented voice; “You will be assimilated, but first, a glass of wine!” ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2001, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/14 "2001-11-22T18:14:40Z")
**A Very Average Thanksgiving** Claire and Ronald Kensington have there children, Sally and Jeff, plus their children’s spouses, Clive and Paula, and Sally’s 2 year old daughter, Jennifer, over for Thanksgiving dinner. There’s a choice of glazed ham or roast turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, rolls and a pickle tray. Everyone eats too much except Jennifer. She spends her time throwing black olives at the dog, Rex. After dinner there’s pie. Then everyone collapses in front of the TV, while Jennifer chases the dog around the house. Later, everyone gets a Tupperware® container of leftovers and goes home. Alec Balwin as Rex ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/15 "2001-12-05T18:17:57Z")
**Rudolph and the Island of Misbegotten Toys** Rudolph and Hermie (or Herbie or Velma… whatever) get blown off course on their way to deliver yummy fruitcake to orphans. The wash up on the shore of the Island of Misbegotten Toys. The Toy Bastards are an unruly, wild bunch. Rudolph and Her(something) try to teach them the True Meaning of Christmas. Things go poorly and the Toys kill and eat Rudolph. Her(whatever) becomes the Island’s bitch. Merlin Olsen as Rudolph Mickey Dolenz as the Elf Dentist guy Donny Most as Piggy ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/16 "2001-12-05T18:27:20Z")
**Touched by an Elf** On this very special show, Reese Witherspoon stars as Sparky the Elf who goes around touching people. Bruce McGill co-stars as the ghost of Morton Downey Jr, who tries to convince Sparky that Christmas is about more than poking strangers. Andy Dick as “The Elf Nobody Would Acknowledge” Moose the dog as Scratches McPoodle Ed Asner as the Bumble ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/17 "2001-12-05T18:35:20Z")
**Here Comes the Panter’s Paws** At the urging of the local ACLU chapter, dirty old Otis Dresden finally finds the courage to graduate from suggestive phone calls to sophmoric fawning, all the while dressed in just a long red ribbon. Wallace Shawn to play Otis, with narration by Joan Collins. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/18 "2001-12-05T20:12:30Z")
Santa Claus’ sleigh is fitted out with an ultramodern yet horribly glitchy navigational device by a well-meaning elf. **Ten minutes of commercials** On a test run, Santa flies into the Bermuda Triangle and is transported back to feudal Japan, where he works his magic for the kids of a local village and then fights off fifty ninjas who vow death to the red sorcerer. **Ten minutes of commercials** Fleeing the village, he is picked up by members of a futuristic humanoid alien race who have come to observe Earth’s history and cannot understand the concept of Christmas. **Ten minutes of commercials** They bring him back to their station deep in the jungles of Indonesia, where he is bedazzled by the aliens’ technological advances **Ten minutes of commercials** and seduced into hedonistic passivity by one of the prettier members of the group. Meanwhile, Christmas draws near but nobody knows where Santa is, a fact that is broadcast daily over all the major news networks. **Ten minutes of commercials** A terminally ill little girl who lives in a small, grotty apartment with her mother tearfully wishes someone would find Santa **Ten minutes of commercials** so she could have her Christmas wish come true - her truck-driver father would come home from far away in time for the holidays. Through some form of previously undiscussed Christmas magic, the little girl’s wish makes it all the way to Indonesia, where it’s played in Memorex-quality apparition to Santa. **Ten minutes of commercials** Santa springs into action **Ten minutes of commercials** and invites the pretty alien along for the ride at the last minute to show her what Christmas really means. **Ten minutes of commercials** They make it back to the present, and pick up a scruffy but lovable street bum on their journey to find the little girl’s father. **Ten minutes of commercials** Several cross-country near-disasters and small miracles **Ten minutes of commercials** that teach the alien about humanity **Ten minutes of commercials** and reaffirm the street bum’s inherent self-worth later **Ten minutes of commercials** , they find the girl’s father in a truck stop **Ten minutes of commercials** on an interstate in Nevada **Ten minutes of commercials** and whisk him home **Ten minutes of commerials** to his daughter **Ten minutes of commercials** for a **Ten minutes of commercials** tearful **Ten minutes of commercials** reunion. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/19 "2001-12-05T20:14:07Z")
**Kwanza: No, we didn’t just pull it out of our ass.** **Rudolph’s shiny Gita Jayanti.** **The Shrove Tuesday that almost wasn’t!** ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656/20 "2001-12-05T20:43:50Z")
Rudolph (voice of David Hasselhoff) is marooned on the island of misfit sex toys. Rudolph sets about attempting to structure the beginnings of a civilized society, but Sparky the Electric Dildo with Faulty Groundfault Interrupt (Lorenzo Lamas) is more interested in such tribal pursuits as hunting. Events take a savage turn when Porky the Toxic Buttplug (Jim Belushi) is killed by a Sex Toy hunting party. Co-Starring Joanna Kerns as Mandy the Much too Powerful Nipple Clamps David Arquette as the Tube of Tackylube [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-known-holiday-specials/94656.md?page=2)