# Little things I can do to drive my wife nuts
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 28, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078 "2010-03-28T02:56:03Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/1 "2010-03-28T02:56:03Z")
You’d think after being married for 29 years she’d have learned to ignore my quirks. But with the right combination of cluelessness and stubbornness, I can still make her head explode.
Tonight for example, a Time-Life music infomercial came on the TV while we were eating dinner. For whatever perverse reason, I happen to like Time-Life music infomercials, so I didn’t change the channel. Five minutes went by, and she said nothing. After 10 minutes she made a few snippy remarks about how the host looked like he had been reanimated.
At the 17 minute mark she finally broke down and said “Please turn on something else! ANYTHING!!! This is driving me insane!”
Yup, I still got it.
---
### Author:  [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/2 "2010-03-28T03:00:16Z")
Honey? Is that you??
---
### Author:  [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/3 "2010-03-28T03:27:49Z")
Step One: Wait for wife to get ready for bed first.
Step Two: Enter bathroom and squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or front of the tube
Step Three: Leave the cap off so the paste solidifies in the tube exit nozzle
Step Four: Wait for the wife to freak out the next day.
Ah, marriage. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/4 "2010-03-28T04:12:42Z")
Maybe you habitually put your dirty dishes in or on the dishwasher? Or in or beside the sink?
Make a change. Put your dishes across the kitchen on the rarely used countertop.
Keep it up. Don’t let on.
(By the way, enjoy your time in Hell!)
---
### Author:  [@This\_Just\_In\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_Just_In_2)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/5 "2010-03-28T04:35:02Z")
Two words…
Toilet Seat!!!
---
### Author:  [@fshdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fshdude)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/6 "2010-03-28T04:35:08Z")
Take wife’s cat, kill it and leave it on her bed. LOLZ every time\111
---
### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/7 "2010-03-28T05:29:04Z")
> [@fshdude](#):
>
> Take wife’s cat, kill it and leave it on her bed. LOLZ every time\111
I hate that I laughed at this.
---
### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/8 "2010-03-28T05:33:03Z")
I would not stay married to someone who annoyed me on purpose. Isn’t life itself annoying enough??
---
### Author:  [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/9 "2010-03-28T05:59:46Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#):
>
> I would not stay married to someone who annoyed me on purpose. Isn’t life itself annoying enough??
This is what I’m thinking. Life’s too short to put up with that.
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/10 "2010-03-28T06:11:28Z")
After 29 years, I’d think just breathing oughta do it some days. 🙂
If you’re looking for something you have to make (somewhat) of an effort at, how about little lazy things, like taking your dirty dishes to the kitchen, but leave them on the first surface you reach instead of the sink or dishwasher?
Leave water on the bathroom counters. Never completely finish anything (from the last little bit of milk to any household projects). Talk about stuff you know your wife isn’t interested in.
---
### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/11 "2010-03-28T11:16:14Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#):
>
> This is what I’m thinking. Life’s too short to put up with that.
Especially if you are the cat.
---
### Author:  [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/12 "2010-03-28T13:47:53Z")
_slrrrp_ AHHHH…
…
…
_SLRRRP_ aahhhhh…
…
…
_slrrrp_ ahhhh…
---
### Author:  [@Panurge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Panurge)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/13 "2010-03-28T13:55:44Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#):
>
> _slrrrp_ AHHHH…
>
> …
>
> …
>
> _SLRRRP_ aahhhhh…
>
> …
>
> …
>
> _slrrrp_ ahhhh…
I’m going nuts just reading this. Cut it out already! :mad:
---
### Author:  [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/14 "2010-03-28T14:12:35Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> After 29 years, I’d think just breathing oughta do it some days. 🙂
I was going to say speaking, but hey, breathing works just as well!
---
### Author:  [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/15 "2010-03-28T14:26:51Z")
My Wife I have seen the movie Alien oh, about 30 times. It’s imposible to not recognize even if you’ve seen it once.
“What 'cha watching?”
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/16 "2010-03-28T14:44:40Z")
> [@fshdude](#):
>
> Take wife’s cat, kill it and leave it on her bed. LOLZ every time\111
[ ](http://www.shameface.com/reviews/images/bucketofblood2_big.jpg)
---
### Author:  [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/17 "2010-03-28T14:48:12Z")
> [@kunilou](#):
>
> For whatever perverse reason, I happen to like Time-Life music infomercials, so I didn’t change the channel.
I must be perverse too! Sometimes those are the best thing on, cool little video clips! 🆒
---
### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/18 "2010-03-28T15:05:13Z")
> [@enipla](#):
>
> My Wife I have seen the movie Alien oh, about 30 times.
30 times? Yup, that qualifies as nuts. 😃
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/19 "2010-03-28T15:27:08Z")
How about clipping your fingernail at inappropriate times?
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [March 28, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/20 "2010-03-28T15:37:34Z")
Does she have a shelf of ornaments? Switch them around when she’s not looking.
Ever-so-slightly skew the angle of any pictures you have on the walls.
Which way does she like the toilet roll to hang? Reverse it. Similarly rearrange the towels in the bathroom - put the little one where the big one should be, and vice versa.
Move the bookmark in her book to a few pages later.
Take all the contents of a kitchen cupboard and replace it with the contents of a different cupboard without telling her.
Repeat a word she finds irritating (e.g. “elbow” “elbow” “elBOW” “ELbow” - vary it - take pride in your work) until she says words to the effect “if you say that one more time I am going to kill you!” Wait two minutes, then say it again.
Add vaguely believable items into her shopping list. “Egg bender”, “toffee filters”, “oil of rum”.
Always store the TV remote in the fridge.
I’m divorced now - why do you ask?
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078.md?page=2)