# Little things I can do to drive my wife nuts **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078 "2010-03-28T02:56:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/21 "2010-03-28T15:41:58Z")
When ever she says [pick a word], go ‘ngeee… ngeee… ngeee.’ . ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/22 "2010-03-28T15:59:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Repeat a word she finds irritating (e.g. “elbow” “elbow” “elBOW” “ELbow” - vary it - take pride in your work) Hey, what the hell did I ever do to you? Jeeesh! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/23 "2010-03-28T16:39:48Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Hey, what the hell did I ever do to you? You elbowed me. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/24 "2010-03-28T16:42:17Z")
No, no, no… … I’m pretty sure it was the jerkwad **Limpwrist**. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/25 "2010-03-28T16:50:54Z")
Those are all good, **jjimm**. I would add, always give vague answers to questions - “What would you like for dinner?” “Food.” “Where would you like to go for dinner?” “A restaurant.” “Where would you like to go on vacation?” “Someplace nice.” ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/26 "2010-03-28T16:56:31Z")
Amateurs. The way to truly annoy her is to become perfect. Put everything where it belongs. Read her mind so when she asks you to do something you can say “Oh I finished that yesterday” Clean the house, take the dog for a walk, finish the 100 little outstanding projects around the house, take her to a movie she’ll love. When she has nothing to complain about she’ll be truly insane. Really. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/27 "2010-03-28T17:14:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Those are all good, **jjimm**. I would add, always give vague answers to questions - “What would you like for dinner?” “Food.” “Where would you like to go for dinner?” “A restaurant.” “Where would you like to go on vacation?” “Someplace nice.” Another great one: repeat everything she says back to her, but in a squeaky voice. A tip: where most people would give up after a few minutes, a true master of irritation will keep it up to the point of receiving physical violence. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/28 "2010-03-28T17:21:22Z")
I found that breathing in and out annoyed my wife to no end. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/29 "2010-03-28T17:37:02Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > How about clipping your fingernail at inappropriate times? I’ve only been with my husband for 10 years (married for 5), but this does drive me crazy. We’ll be getting ready to go somewhere, and I’m by the door and waiting…and waiting…and he’s still in the bedroom. Finally “what are you doing, let’s GO!” “I’m cutting my toenails!” :smack: “NOW?!?” Also, he’ll rearrange the dishwasher. Apparently the way I place certain things in the only space they fit isn’t good enough. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/30 "2010-03-28T19:43:40Z")
Make her into the family alarm clock. This works for my husband. ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/31 "2010-03-28T21:05:12Z")
Read over her shoulder. Pick up the book she is working on from the place she has left it and start reading it from the beginning. If she objects, dog ear the page you are on and hand it to her. Wait until she is on the third to the last page and then demand her attention for a trivial conversation. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/32 "2010-03-28T22:18:03Z")
Oops, I didn’t close the drawers all the way. Again. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/33 "2010-03-28T23:15:28Z")
To annoy him: Make little ‘‘mwapping’’ noises (that’s what amoebas do, in case you didn’t know) when he’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth before bed. The longer he takes, the louder I ‘‘mwaaap!’’ Also a nighttime ritual: when he leaves the light on in the bedroom before coming to bed, repeat the classic Shel Silverstein poem ad nauseum: _The baby bat cried out in fright! Turn on the dark, I’m afraid of the light!_ Now all I have to do is yell, ‘‘I’m a baby bat!’’ and it sends him into conniptions. Also fun: threatening him with a wet cat. To annoy me, all he really has to do is wait until we’re about to leave the house and then suddenly announce he has to go to the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/34 "2010-03-28T23:16:32Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Oops, I didn’t close the drawers all the way. Again. That reminds me: leave the refrigerator door open for longer than 1.5 seconds. Oh my god, the precious, expensive energy, it’s escaping! Hurry! Hehehe. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/35 "2010-03-28T23:19:53Z")
My husband is so not allowed near this thread. I guess I shouldn’t have told him about it, then. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/36 "2010-03-28T23:24:58Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > Amateurs. The way to truly annoy her is to become perfect. Put everything where it belongs. Read her mind so when she asks you to do something you can say “Oh I finished that yesterday” Clean the house, take the dog for a walk, finish the 100 little outstanding projects around the house, take her to a movie she’ll love. I wants it! ---
**Author:** ![Moment\_Slayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Moment\_Slayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moment_Slayer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/37 "2010-03-28T23:28:08Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > My husband is so not allowed near this thread. > > I guess I shouldn’t have told him about it, then. :smack: oh ITD. If I was any more annoying you wouldn’t like me any more. I was hoping these were warm-ups for a close encounter… If youknow what I mean ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2010, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/38 "2010-03-28T23:30:39Z")
> [@Moment\_Slayer](#): > > oh ITD. If I was any more annoying you wouldn’t like me any more. > > I was hoping these were warm-ups for a close encounter… If youknow what I mean Wrong kind of nuts, dear. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/39 "2010-03-29T00:44:35Z")
During casual conversations, I tend to get distracted by mundane things or something I remembered suddenly. It drives him bonkers when that happens and I fail to ---
**Author:** ![foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9a140/32.png) [@foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolscap)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078/40 "2010-03-29T07:10:20Z")
Buy her flowers or a present for no reason at all. You must start doing this from the beginning or she will think you are trying to make up for doing something wrong:smack: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/little-things-i-can-do-to-drive-my-wife-nuts/534078.md?page=3)