# Loan problem with a friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2015, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289 "2015-03-29T19:23:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/21 "2015-03-30T03:54:59Z")
Not much to add. I guess you have to question how somebody who manages to get $5k behind in rent is suddenly going have money to pay rent going forward and also have an additional $500 to give to you? Unless their situation recently changed for the better (i.e. got a high paying job, got an inheritance, won the lottery) they’re just delaying the inevitable and digging themselves in deeper. In another few months she’ll be behind another $5k in rent and still owe you $5k. Who knows who else she already owes money to? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/22 "2015-03-30T04:02:35Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > probably garnish her wages or snatch her next few years of tax refund money Did anyone else read that the way I did? The first half of the sentence (garnish her what?) and then the second half (oh, that makes more sense). ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/23 "2015-03-30T04:24:08Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I guess I mistakenly thought people would honor an agreement to pay back money no matter who they are . As evidence I submit that this person did not honor their agreement to pay rent, why would you expect them to treat your loan any differently? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/24 "2015-03-30T04:29:35Z")
I have to agree with many others in this thread: Someone who falls behind $5,000 is not someone whom you could reliably count on to repay a loan you lend them. Falling behind $500 is one thing. But falling behind $5,000 is another. Unless your friend works a lucrative job (in which case, why would they fall behind $5,000, unless they were very careless with money, or had extraordinarily unfortunate, temporary circumstances?), or comes into surprise possession of a significant windfall, why would she be able to pay you back anytime soon? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/25 "2015-03-30T04:32:11Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I guess I mistakenly thought people would honor an agreement to pay back money no matter who they are. In an ideal world, yes. But unfortunately this is not an ideal world. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/26 "2015-03-30T12:08:19Z")
Works on her own so she has no job to get wages from. She teaches singing and drama. She still claims the accident money is very near , we’ll see about that. I know she had an accident but I thought that was settled last year. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/27 "2015-03-30T12:43:42Z")
Ask her for some help with a scene you want to do. \*\* Morrie\*\*: Henry, you’re a good kid, I’ve been good to you, you’ve been good to me. But there’s something really unreasonable going on here. Jimmy’s being an unconsionable ball-breaker. I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels? **Henry Hill** : Morrie, please! You borrowed Jimmy’s money, pay him. **Morrie** : I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! What am I, fuckin nuts? Come on! **Henry Hill** : Are you gonna argue with Jimmy Conway? Just give him his money so we can get the fuck outta here! **Morrie** : Hey! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em in the ear! What are you talking about? Fuck 'em in the other ear, that son of a bitch! Did I ever bust his balls? Did I? Did I? I could’ve jumped the dime a million times, and I wouldn’t have to pay tip! **Henry Hill** : Come on, Morrie, you’re talking crazy, stop it! **Jimmy Conway** : [Grabs telephone cord and chokes Morrie with it, then his wig falls off and Henry starts laughing] You got money for that fuckin commercial. Fuckin’ commercial, you don’t got my money, you don’t got my fuckin money, huh? **Henry Hill** : Jimmy, he’ll pay, he’ll pay. **Jimmy Conway** : I’ll fuckin kill you, get the money, you fuckin’ cocksucker, you hear me? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/28 "2015-03-30T12:54:07Z")
Yeah, if she’s not at least coming up with the vig each week, you need to send someone to talk to her. ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Bragg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Stealth\_Bragg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Bragg)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/29 "2015-03-30T13:11:01Z")
Go see Judge Judy 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/30 "2015-03-30T13:47:56Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > You know, our current credit system is pretty bad ass. If someone can’t get a 5k loan through conventional means, there’s probably a good reason for that. And typically they require collateral too. I suppose there’s a lesson there. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/31 "2015-03-30T13:50:26Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Works on her own so she has no job to get wages from. She teaches singing and drama. > > She still claims the accident money is very near , we’ll see about that. I know she had an accident but I thought that was settled last year. Then have her sign a lien on her proceeds, and run it down to her attorney’s office. If she refuses, well, there’s your answer. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/32 "2015-03-30T14:06:27Z")
Ya know, telling the OP that they never should’ve loaned the money in the first place is sorta like shutting the barn door after the horse got out. Kind of pointless now. > [@SJL4041](#): > > As someone else mentioned, $500 a month is a tough nut to pay for a fiscally responsible person. For someone who let herself get $5k behind on rent, it’s probably impossible. She doesn’t have it, so she pays you nothing. Tell her this has got to stop. She has to pay you something every month, even if it’s only $100 or $150. This way you’ll get some of your money back before she inevitably declares bankruptcy, secretly moves across the country, or stops returning your calls. Get something out of her, the sooner the better, because you won’t be on speaking terms with her long. So, this is the best response in the thread. Change from expecting $500 a month or nothing else, to being willing to go with pretty much anything towards paying off the debt. It will be a pain in the butt, no doubt, but anything recovered is a step in the right direction of getting more of your money back. And I speak from experience on this with my step-son. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/33 "2015-03-30T21:15:26Z")
Should I tell her to go get her shine box? 🙂 Her big problem is she is divorced and has twins who are 13. She gets no alimony or child support. I know the child support is required but she has not gone to court about it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/34 "2015-03-30T22:04:58Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Should I tell her to go get her shine box? 🙂 > > Her big problem is she is divorced and has twins who are 13. She gets no alimony or child support. I know the child support is required but she has not gone to court about it. If she isn’t motivated to go after money that a court has ordered be paid to her, TO SUPPORT HER KIDS, do you think she’ll be motivated enough to want to pay the money she owes? You can take her to court, you can win, you can ruin her credit. But actually collecting anything is going to be much, much harder. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2015, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/35 "2015-03-30T22:18:51Z")
Sounds like the OP basically inherited her friends financial woes, as it relates to this $5,000. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/36 "2015-03-31T01:29:06Z")
500 dollars a month is a luxury car payment, did you really think your friend was going to have enough money to pay for a luxury car when they had to borrow 5 grand just to make rent? ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/37 "2015-03-31T02:21:45Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I guess I mistakenly thought people would honor an agreement to pay back money no matter who they are… Yes, that was a mistake. I made the same one for a much smaller sum. When I was 21, many moons ago, I was working as a waitress in Houston. I made a friend at work - a woman twice my age - who was having money problems. She claimed that she did not have enough to cover her rent. I had been saving any money that was not going towards bills, so I helped her out. I never saw a penny of it again. Whenever I asked her for it, she just plainly would say, “Sorry, I still don’t have it.” I learned a lesson indeed. $500 per month pay back is a very ambitious amount. That should’ve been your first red flag. Sorry that happened to you - lesson learned, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289/38 "2015-03-31T19:46:29Z")
I recently had a brush with a character who was a habitual borrower, behind on rent, making promises about things about to happen that would make it all ok. Against my gut and my better judgment, I lent him some money (because the reason he gave me put me in a corner). Turned out he was borrowing from lots of other people too, had sold or pawned some items that belonged to his employer and was stringing everyone along on promises. He moved on and presumably started the same thing over with new people. Fortunately, the amount I lent him was not a fortune and I chalked it up as the price of a lesson learned. I knew at the time I was probably making a mistake. I won’t repeat that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loan-problem-with-a-friend/716289.md?page=1)