# Loathsome buzzwords in your industry **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 8, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888 "2002-08-08T01:11:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![epeepunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f19dbf/32.png) [@epeepunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epeepunk)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/61 "2002-08-13T17:00:05Z")
The world of architecture is not immune either. For instance, what do you call those large boards with writing on them that you see all over the place. Signs? No, no, no. That is **signage**. When the principals are working on proposals, and they don’t have anything for a section, they say **I’ll add some verbiage there later**. Those are the ones that drive me crazy, but you might as well try get the tide to obey you. When I worked as a programmer, I tried very hard to keep those bad buzzwords out of things I wrote, despite people trying to put them in. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Baroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/76d3ee/32.png) [@Billy\_Baroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Baroo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/62 "2002-08-13T17:34:32Z")
As a porn star, I get really peeved when I’m referred to as a cocksmith. I mean, sure my wad looks like a baby’s arm, but how can a fella with a shaved sack possibly be worthy of such a title? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2002, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/63 "2002-08-13T18:01:12Z")
> [@](#): > > **Number Six:** > certificated: I was once informed that “certified” had negative connotations that certificated did not. Certificated? I am a Certificated Rehabilitation Counselor? How does one pronounce this word? cer- **tif** -i-ca-ted? cer-ti-fi- **ca** -ted? cer-ti- **fi** -ca-ted? I need aspirin. ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2002, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/64 "2002-08-13T20:52:35Z")
Billy Baroo, surely there are a lot more examples of jargon in the porn industry. Doesn’t the phrase “what’s the skinny on that” get used? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/65 "2002-08-14T01:48:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by swampbear \* > \*\* > > Certificated? I am a Certificated Rehabilitation Counselor? > > How does one pronounce this word? cer- **tif** -i-ca-ted? cer-ti-fi- **ca** -ted? cer-ti- **fi** -ca-ted? > > I need aspirin. \*\* * * * I’m pretty sure the first one is the right one. A librarian friend of mine says that on her updated time card, it now refers to her as being “certifiable.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/66 "2002-08-14T01:51:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Syzygy \* > \*\*“Take it to the next level” or “a whole new level.” > > “Mission statement” irks me too for some reason. \*\* * * * All colleges appear to have “mission statements” as well. I can’t stand it. Are we on a mission? Where are we going? What shall we do when we get there? What if we’re on a sinking ship, financially speaking? Is there a medal or honor at the end of this mission, should we choose to accept it? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Race\_Bannon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Race\_Bannon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Race_Bannon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/67 "2002-08-14T03:32:00Z")
I work in a bureaucracy. Below is a little gem I saved from a few years ago. A Senior Executive paid by your (US) tax money actually sent this memo out to his people. The general problem at the time was lots of folks asking “hey, everybody wants everthing done right now - what are our priorities?” Presented in the original spelling and punctuation (except for the deletion of a project name) > [@](#): > > you can see from above that time-criticality influences priorities - > that may seem like an obvious statement, but i just what to be sure > that we are all on the right wavelength - so as an example, support to > the […] board may drop from number two priority to number six, and > back, during the ebb and flow of negotiations/evaluations. in these > times and with these staffing levels, we all need to multiplex and be > able to adjust our priorities in realtime. we are operating with an > extremely high optempo - i appreciate the quantity and quality of work > that all of you and your people are doing - under extreme conditions, > you are literally keeping army aviation flying. i hope that doesn’t > sound to fake - i mean it sincerely. I love the “adjust our priorities in real time”. Now, I just show up for work and see what happens next… ---
**Author:** ![Race\_Bannon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Race\_Bannon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Race_Bannon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/68 "2002-08-14T03:52:52Z")
Oh, I thought of another one. Working in the bureaucracy of the US military, every once and awhile some big shot thinks he has a big project. He sets up a special room with files, bulletin boards, computers, and a few staffers devoted to one project. If you have something to contribute to this project, you go to this room and talk it over with the folks working there. They always want to call this a “War Room”. Now, you have to think - this is the Army. Occasionally, some soldier in some remote godforsaken part of the world where people are actually shooting real bullets actually picks up a phone and calls me to ask a question about some equipment he’s trying to work with. Whenever that happens, I imediately drop whatever bullshit paperwork I’m doing and get him what he needs - even if its far outside of my line of experience. You have to think that the word “War” means something literal to these guys. But noooo- you’re a bigshot with a big project and a deadline coming up. You need lots of powerpoint slides made up, lots of phone calls made, lots of email sent. The biggest risk you have is maybe someone will get a paper cut, or accidently drop toner on their new clothes. Some nerve calling it a “war room”. ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/69 "2002-08-14T03:59:04Z")
> [@](#): > > When I worked as a programmer, I tried very hard to keep those bad buzzwords out of things I wrote, despite people trying to put them in. Hopefully they didn’t try to make you use buzzwords when commenting your code. That’d be hilarious, even if it would render the whole idea of commenting code pointless. “Incrementalizes the looping paradigm? what the hell?” ---
**Author:** ![horowitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@horowitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horowitz)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/70 "2002-08-14T20:38:24Z")
**I** am pretty sure that there is some conspiracy **A** mongst elite marketing **gurus** that creates **T** his stuff in the first place. I am not without sin **M** yself. You hear this crap **day in and day out** and **I** t just sort of makes its way into your speech. A Sampler Platter: Philosophical umbrella Dynamic (Try to build an effective working dynamic with your team.) Team Skill Sets Roundtable discussion Brainstorming Any anagram (I Am The Master Idiot) ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/71 "2002-08-14T20:50:01Z")
> [@](#): > > You need lots of powerpoint slides made up Hey, easy on the PowerPoint there **kellymccauley** - it’s possible there are PowerPoint developers reading this thread. 😉 Besides, if they’re using PPT to create long-winded buzzword-laden sentences, then they’re not using it as it was intended. It was intended to send naked pictures with commentary through Email. 😛 **waterj2** , I was wondering that myself. // This dynamic end-to-end convergence //will empower right-sized users to create // synergy by thinking outside the box Gaah!! I think this is my favorite thread I’ve ever started.\* Glad to know this kind of BS exists everywhere. [sub]\* Except the link in my Sig, of course[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/72 "2002-08-14T21:43:52Z")
This isn’t my industry, but it is sufficiently loathsome to drive me bats anyway. Amtrak has now renounced the perfectly clear, dignified, descriptive, traditional, widely-understood term “passenger” in favor of… …“guest”. “All ticketed guests are now invited to board train #153…” **BLEAGHH!!** No!! Stop that at once, at once, do you hear?!!? Isn’t it bad enough I have to pay your ticket prices without having to listen to your vile neologisms into the bargain? I swear, one of these days I’m going to hear that stupid phrase once too often and I’ll snap and take out the entire station with a semiautomatic. Or else, every time I go up to the ticket counter I’ll just say to the clerk, “Hey, if I’m your ‘guest’ then I shouldn’t have to pay! Ha-ha-ha-ha!”, until **he** snaps and takes out the entire station with a semiautomatic. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/73 "2002-08-14T22:07:43Z")
Speaking of the medical field: “This may cause a little _discomfort_, so we’re going to shoot you full of the stuff that Pres. Bush got that made him want to repeat his colonoscopy.” Discomfort my ass. Discomfort is when your underwear doesn’t fit right. Medical interventions cause _pain_, and I’d rather get some good pain control than hear you blather about possible discomfort. ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/74 "2002-08-14T22:15:27Z")
Hey, as long as we’re all **on the same page**. I must have heard that phrase at least two dozen times at a meeting yesterday. Whatever happened to “in agreement” or just “we agree”? Is that too hard? ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/75 "2002-08-14T23:55:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > \*\*From higher education: > > “teaching moment” (an opportunity to teach about something)–Well, aren’t we teachers, um, teaching all the time?? It also reminds me too much of “senior moment.” > > “core values” (what on earth does this mean, anyway?) > > “sensitive to the needs of a diverse population” --they put this on the applications as a qualification, and it just seems superfluous. Isn’t it a given that if you’re going to work at a college or university in the U.S., you already know where you are and who you will be working with. \*\* A-frickin-men. I hate that “diverse population” crap. You mean I’m _not_ teaching a classroom full of clones? Damnation. Now I’ll have to change my teaching styles to reflect the diversity of my classroom! “Teachable moment” doesn’t really bother me that much, but that’s because I sold my soul to the high schools. Getting their attention for longer than eight consecutive seconds is grand enough to get its own title. “At-risk students” bugs the shit out of me but I don’t know why. As does “learning disabled”. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/76 "2002-08-15T12:10:49Z")
Can’t we all go on a retreat so that we can dialogue? ---
**Author:** ![deball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@deball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deball)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/77 "2002-08-15T12:39:50Z")
“I’m prioritizing the establishment of our war-chest.” “You’re taking a reactive approach.” “Let’s do it in real time.” “The ball is in your court.” “He dropped the ball.” “This printer is an utter POS.” ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2002, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/78 "2002-08-17T05:14:45Z")
**swampbear** : primary stress on the second syllable, secondary stress on the fourth: cer-_ **tif** _-i-_ca_-ted, with a long /a/ in the fourth. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2002, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/79 "2002-08-17T13:22:49Z")
“Signage” drives me batty, too, **epeepunk**. “Eatery” also gets me. What a pretentious, yuppie non-word. When I go to a bar, I don’t go to a “drinkery.” When I go to the store, I don’t go to a “shoppery.” It’s a flippin’ restaurant, okay?! ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888/80 "2002-08-17T14:01:45Z")
My company has a big fetish for words like “leverage”, “action plan”, “the name of the game”, etc. “Paradigm” and “bottom line” are used with puke-inducing frequency. A good way to make some use of these buzzwords is to play “buzzword bingo” at your next meeting. Just do a Google search and this will bring up several sites that randomly generate a buzzword bingo board that you and your co-workers can take to your next meeting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/loathsome-buzzwords-in-your-industry/122888.md?page=5)