# local law firm commercials you hate **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 3, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043 "2003-07-03T15:13:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/1 "2003-07-03T15:13:27Z")
Moving around the states a bit I always find whatever metro area i’m in they always have some local law firm that has overly annoying commercials. When in Florida one I always hated was Morgan, Coleen, & Gilbert. The guy had a southern good old boy accent and refered to jurors as “jerzz”. Had to turn him off when he came on. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/2 "2003-07-03T15:25:32Z")
There’s one around the Little Rock area…I think his name is Peter Miller. His commercials show him sitting at his desk stroking a puffy white cat like the villain in the old Inspector Gadget cartoons. There’s one the gets on **Faeriebeth’s** nerves as well- nothing too weird, but the guy’s suspenders and tie match (weird print pattern). ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/3 "2003-07-03T17:13:00Z")
On the subways in NY are ads for a law firm that specializes in suing on your behalf if you get injured or suffer medical disorders due to someone’s liable neglect, like your kid getting lead poisoning. Their ads feature these stick figures and they’re always _smiling_. Guy working on a machine and his arm is caught in the gears and is all bent and twisted in a Z shape and he’s looking back and you and _smiling_. Person is going ass-over-teakettle falling off a ladder and has an obviously broken arm and is looking over one shoulder and _smiling_. Little kid in one of those playpens is eating paint chips that have skull and crossbones on them and he’s _smiling_. Creepy as hell. “Ooh, cool, I’m injured, I get to sue somebody, yay me!” ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/4 "2003-07-03T17:22:55Z")
There’s one here that for years brayed, "Hurt at work? CALL THE MAN!! Melbourne Mills Jr. is his name. \ ---
**Author:** ![Jerrybear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8c91f0/32.png) [@Jerrybear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jerrybear)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/5 "2003-07-03T17:56:17Z")
Arrrgh! I just tried responding to this and got the (expletive deleted) “HTTP error” message. Take two… In Michigan we have Lee Steinberg (Choose the right attorney, Call Lee Free), Jay Trucks, and Sam Bernstein. All are of the category of Shameless Ambulance Chaser, although I think they prefer the more dignified label of Personal Injury Attorney. Trucks and Bernstein have a similar scenario in many of their ads, where the Heartless Insurance Company is about to deny the Poor Injured Person compensation, until they are informed that Poor Injured Person has hired either Jay or Sam. Cue the appropriate Look of Horror on the faces of the Heartless Insurance Company Functionaries, followed by a comment along the lines of “Let’s Settle This!” Bernstein generally has this No-Nonsense Looking Guy in his ads. I am not sure what his name is, but I think he may be a semi-famous washed up actor or something. He says “Call 1-800-CALL-SAM…Sam Bernstein…Right Now!” in this very serious, yet also very cheezy and over the top voice. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/6 "2003-07-03T18:08:05Z")
In Nashville we have Burt Durham. The commercials all start with a tale of woe; some elderly man lost his wife when she got hit by a truck or something like that. Then Burt Durham helped him get a bajillion dollars! The best part is the tagline of every commercial. Ol’ Burt is standing next to a small table with a briefcase on it. BERT: Justice is your right [here he dramatically grabs the briefcase], AND WE DEMAND IT!! ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/7 "2003-07-03T18:09:27Z")
On second thought, I think it’s _Bart_ Durham. Goes to show how effective his commercials are. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/8 "2003-07-03T18:11:31Z")
Ellen, don’t forget, **The Kentucky Hammer** , Mr. Darryl Isaacs, whom I was privileged to attend both UK and Law School with. A very nice guy, actually, if somewhat tasteless and greedy. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/9 "2003-07-03T18:15:25Z")
I also like Gary Becker’s commercials, which I believe are used nationally and just have his named dubbed in. You know, the ones that have the insurance adjusters sitting around talking about cases. The younger guy says “He’s got a lawyer – it’s Gary Becker” and the older adjuster pees in his pants. Having represented insurers in the past, I feel comfortable saying that the only way an adjuster would have that sort of reaction to the threat of Gary Becker was if he was laughing too hard. ---
**Author:** ![Kakofonous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9a140/32.png) [@Kakofonous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakofonous)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/10 "2003-07-03T18:18:37Z")
York, Pennsylvania; Frankle, Bare and Assoc. ‘Turn the book over!’ said with an annoying inflection that cannot be conveyed via typing. For years, I thought it was some legal phrase that I didn’t know (is it?) but what it really meant was that they had a huge color ad on the back of the phone book. ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/11 "2003-07-03T18:18:37Z")
Not a TV add, per se, but a billboard, also in the Detroit area- call 1-888-I-SUE-BIG ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/12 "2003-07-03T19:10:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by masimba8 \* > \*\*York, Pennsylvania; Frankle, Bare and Assoc. > ‘Turn the book over!’ said with an annoying inflection that cannot be conveyed via typing. > > For years, I thought it was some legal phrase that I didn’t know (is it?) but what it really meant was that they had a huge color ad on the back of the phone book. \*\* Welcome to the boards, **masimba8**! My parents live down in York, and I’ve seen that ad too. I think that ad was the one that sent the guy who puts up all the bumper stickers that say “FIGHT MAFIA LAWYER SCUM” over the edge. Here in Niagara Falls, where personal injury lawsuits are the only growth industry, we’ve got the ubiquitous Celino and Barnes. All their ads include information about at least one multi-million dollar settlement. That and the casino are the only ways to become a millionaire in NF. The worst of their ads is a recent one with one of the Buffalo Bills (can’t remember who off the top of my head) that’s supposedly about safety. The football player starts talking about playing safe and wearing your helmet. I thought one of the lawyers was going to break in and say, “But if you’re too dumb to wear a helmet, talk to us!” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/13 "2003-07-03T19:16:05Z")
Too many to isolate the worst. Virtually every one seems to go further toward validating the notion most lawyer jokes count on. Since I have a close family member studying to participate in the legal profession at some future date, I will refrain from offering my full rage and hostility. Let it suffice that if I have the remote when they appear, they disappear – or go mute. ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/14 "2003-07-03T19:39:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Morgan, Coleen, & Gilbert That’s funnier than Morgan, Colling, & Gilbert. [_“For the people.”_](http://www.forthepeople.com/contact.html) [Monty Python] And the money… _Yes, definitely the money._ Don’t forget the political power. _Oh yes, we do it for that also._ And the chicks… _Of course!_ ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/15 "2003-07-03T20:01:35Z")
There’s this guy in upstate SC named Joel Bieber. He has a “spanish” version of his commercials to reach out to our state residents from the _extreme_ south. It’s gotta drive the immigrants nuts to hear this guy try to speak Spanish. “Se llama Joel Bieber!” ugh. ---
**Author:** ![ThatDuckIsEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@ThatDuckIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatDuckIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/16 "2003-07-03T20:30:54Z")
In the Cleveland area there’s a commercial that starts out with footage of a mock trial scene where two actors are portraying a judge and lawyer. All they say to each other is “mumbo jumbo mumbo jumbo” - “mumbo jumbo mumbo jumbo” Back and forth. The footage stops and the lawyer walks in front of the screen and says how sometimes it’s like that’s all you can understand when you’re in court, yadda yadda, “call ME to help you.” etc. etc. Cheesy enough as it is, but then the lawyer has the worst possible deadpan, monotone delivery. I understand they’re not actors, but just ENUNCIATE, for the love of Mike. And the pathetic little unsure hand gesture: “ME” \ to help “You” \ Yes, the camera WILL bite you. NO SUDDEN MOVES! ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/17 "2003-07-03T20:36:40Z")
I have three very bland words for you: Peter Francis Geracy. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/18 "2003-07-03T21:00:28Z")
(singing) Eric J. Martin, and associates… These are great, and sometimes run back to back for an hour on local stations. They invariably feature cigar-chomping repo men who laugh and laugh and laugh at the poor schmoe whose car they’re hauling away. There’s also a great one where a chomper (representing a bill collector this time) is driving a steamroller down a city street at, maybe, four miles an hour, and there’s a group of people jogging very slowly in front of him, looking back at the steamroller in terror. Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Jerrybear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8c91f0/32.png) [@Jerrybear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jerrybear)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/19 "2003-07-03T22:13:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Frankd6 \* > \*\*I also like Gary Becker’s commercials, which I believe are used nationally and just have his named dubbed in. You know, the ones that have the insurance adjusters sitting around talking about cases. The younger guy says “He’s got a lawyer – it’s Gary Becker” and the older adjuster pees in his pants. > > \*\* That sounds just like the Sam Bernstein and Jay Trucks ads we have here in Michigan! Do Becker’s ads also have the No-Nonsense Guy who May Be A Semi-Famous Washed Up Actor at the end of the ad, repeating Becker’s toll free number and name, then ending with “Right Now!”??? ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043/20 "2003-07-03T22:33:50Z")
“Larry H. Parker got me 2.1 million dollars!” I haven’t seen Larry Parker adds for a while now, but then again, these commercials tend to air during the day and I’m not around. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-law-firm-commercials-you-hate/186043.md?page=2)