# Local man and/or woman writes Onion headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2015, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401 "2015-07-06T16:25:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/1 "2015-07-06T16:25:34Z")
Hey local men and/or women, can you come up with any Onion-quality headers? I’ll start: **Political analysis: Top 100 Republican candidates most likely to win 2016 presidential nomination** **White House dog weighs in on Greek financial troubles, licking balls** **Man successfully shoots fireworks from his head, plans repeat performance eight beers from now** **Retiring prostitute recounts favorite penises** ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/2 "2015-07-06T16:59:00Z")
\*\*Donald Trump delivers scathing review of Newark Mexican restaurant on Yelp Alabama woman decides to drop Confederate flag panties after repeated whiskey sours\*\* ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/3 "2015-07-06T17:25:35Z")
Onion finds Republican Governor NOT running for President ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/4 "2015-07-06T18:05:30Z")
**_Reader’s Digest_ ‘The Body Issue:’ Magazine unveils three covers featuring nude Fannie Flagg, Tom Clancy, Dr. Ruth Westheimer** ---
**Author:** ![Shark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Shark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/5 "2015-07-06T18:29:09Z")
**Local Teen dragged to cousin’s nuptials declares, "This wedding is Gay."** **USWNT wins some game or something** **Confederate Flag spotted at NASCAR event, single black fan appalled** ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/6 "2015-07-06T18:37:45Z")
Mike Huckabee converts to Islam, prepares for pilgrimage to mecca. Elon musk invests in new company that seeks to turn blown up rocket parts into Jamba juice ingredients. Local man feels he got his money’s worth at nearby all you can eat buffet. Frustrated with growing liberalism of Fox news, conservative commentators call for creation of new conservative network which will feature 24/7 user uploaded photos of flags. Gay movement celebrates victory in supreme Court, prepare for invasion of czechoslovakia as next step in global plan. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2015, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/7 "2015-07-06T21:40:22Z")
**Travelling businessman partially pulls up pants when wife’s phone call interrupts hotel room masturbation** **Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer not really surprised no one noticed he hasn’t been at work for past three years** **Family crisis forces husky boy to become doughy man** ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/8 "2015-07-07T00:58:46Z")
That’s _Area_ Man, thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/local-man-and-or-woman-writes-onion-headlines/724401/9 "2015-07-08T02:46:07Z")
From my facebook post when Trump announced he’s running: **Donald Trump officially asks nation to stroke his ego for several months.**